Post # 1
I have had a rough week. I have spent the last two days wondering about posting all about it on WB – and seeing as I haven’t managed to speak to anyone else about it, I guess here goes.
Fiance and I had a last-minute business trip last week. We left Friday and came back Tuesday. An hour before our flight back home we got the call that my gran had died – I wouldn’t get to say good bye. I went totally numb. She’d been struggling with dementia but we remained best friends. A few weeks ago she insisted it was her bday (her bday is on June 4th) we bought her a gift and cupcakes and I helped her blow out the candles. All very surreal.
So I get an outpouring of support from friends, but I only told one person she’s gone the rest read on my mom’s FB. And guess what? I can’t talk about it. At all. I get sympathy messages and I can’t reply. People asked if she really is dead and all I can say is ‘yep’. I don’t know. I can’t cry about it. My mom wants a cremation and a wake – I know my gran would want a big old funeral, all regal and such. She liked ‘doing things properly’. I can’t bring myself to object on her behalf, and I know I should but my family is all full of drama llamas and I really don’t want an emotional episode.
Work has gone to pot, I cannot motivate myself to get ANYTHING done. I have stuff to do on a project I particularly loathe and I can’t bring myself to work on it.
I know I probably need to ‘see someone’ or ‘talk to someone’ – as people often suggest when you have trouble they can’t help you with. But I can’t motivate myself to go.
Fiance has been grand, he runs to the shops for me when, like today, I am still in my PJs late in the afternoon.
I don’t really know if I am looking for advice, but it really feels good just to get it out there. So thanks for reading ladies.
PS: there is a bright side, we are getting my ring this week and Fiance is hatching serious plans to take me out and re-propose (we have been engaged for 2 years). So I really don’t want to be all self pity and emotional now, because he has been working so hard on making it all special.
Post # 3
What you describe really sounds like depression–the lack of motivation in particular.
I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
So, yes, I am going to tell you to see somebody. You can go see your regular doctor for starters. He or she can give you a referral if need be and make sure there is nothing physical going on that would contribute to the depression, like hormones being off or something.
The good news is, depression is treatable. I’ve been diagnosed with major clinical depression, severe (along with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder), so I understand the feelings of overwhelm and lack of motivation. This treatable. You don’t have to suffer.
Post # 4
@sassy411: I really appreciate your comment, thanks. I will be chatting to my doctor this week, I am on meds right now but maybe he can suggest something. I really don’t want to feel this way anymore. I actually think I should take action.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Post # 5
I am so Sorry to hear about your grandmothers passing… 🙁
It is very tough to have someone dear gone, especially when they suffered from dementia. My grandfather had it and it was very painful losing him years before he died as he wasnt himself anymore. His “clear” moments became fewer and fewer, sometimes he didnt Even recognise me or other Family members.
It seems like your Gran passed away unexpected, you are possibly still in a shock State and Need to get your Head arround. It Takes Time to realise someone is really, really “gone”. 🙁
It’s understandable that you arent able to Talk about her Death to others Just yet. It Takes Time to digest and come to terms with it first. Give yourself some Time to grieve, it is perfectly normal to feel Down after losing someone dear.
As lame as it might sound, it gets better with Time…
Post # 6
@alaha: Thank you very much for your kindness. It REALLY was a shock. My gran – what a strong lady! I even made sure we got wheelchair friendly wedding venue because I was CONVINCED she’d be there. I truly thought of her as someone as resilient as a weed growing through tarmac. It is impossible to think she just fell ill suddenly and now she is gone. She was often lucid and even told people when he had her fake birthday that it was my birthday too, so that I could score presents (to her mind this was a great plan!).
Post # 7
@Flanders: firstly – so sorry for your loss. ((HUGS)) I agree with PP’s, it sounds like depression. It is toally treatable and completely common in a situation like this. I can’t imagine how you feel right now. Chat with your MD and see what s/he has to say. Hopefully they can offer you some advice.
I never know what to say to people when someone close to them passes, it’s always awkward, no one can undersand the relationship between 2 people except those 2 people – that’s why you get so many generic ‘I’m sorrys’ people don’t know what to say. I hope things get a little brighter for you – I also think you should stick up for your grandma and give her the celebration you know she would want.
Post # 8
@MsGinkgo: Thanks so much for your kindness and advice. For some strange reason I can totally talk about it on the internet, and respond to sympathy here – but not in real life. Go figure right? In fact since I started this post I feel better and lighter already.
I am am getting ready to do battle over the funeral thing this week – hopefully AFTER i go on medication. I am such a coward. 😉