- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
My fiance’s family is Chinese Canadian and mine is whitebread American. We are having a tea ceremony after our western ceremony during the cocktail hour. I mentioned this to my mother and she is very excited and listed all the family members that she wants to be included in the tea ceremony. Between everyone on our side, she wants over 20 people on our side alone to be served tea including 2nd cousins, great uncles, etc. I was hoping to keep the tea ceremony short and sweet by only including married first cousins and uncles/aunts. When I told her that she was extremely offended and pointed out that we are closer with some of our extended family that we are with the closer aunts/uncles/cousins. She wanted to make sure that they are part of everything. On my fiance’s side, I don’t even think he’s met the equivalently related people on his side and they are definitely not coming to the wedding because we don’t know them. I’m considering making it larger, even though that means lengthening the cocktail hour by an extra 30 minutes to give in to her request. I plan on emailing everyone that my mother mentioned to see if they want to take part in the ceremony. I’m sure most of them will because they will be curious by the ceremony and be honored to be invited to take part.
But this presents a problem. I know traditionally to be served tea you must be a married relative. One of my mother’s cousins is over 60 and never married. She is a lesbian and if she were in a common law relationship or married with a partner I would just include her anyway because I believe in equality for those things. I wouldn’t mind including her even so but I worry about the older generation being offended that she is unmarried and taking part in the tea ceremony.
His side also has a couple questionable situations. He has lots of aunts and uncles but he has two aunts with… interesting marital situations. One aunt has been separated from her husband for 15 years but they’ve never divorced. He is not part of the family in any way. The other aunt is also separated from her husband for about the same length of time with a similar situation. Is it appropriate to invite them to take part in the ceremony? They are his father’s sisters.