(Closed) Team Green- Gender Anxiety :(

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You are not a horrible person!  Obviously, most people claim that “as long as it’s healthy I don’t care what it is,” but I honestly think MOST people have a preference.  I REALLY want a girl and DH REALLY wants a boy. One of us is inevitably going to be slightly disappointed at first.  It doesn’t mean you won’t love your baby just as much.  Honestly, I think as soon as you lay eyes on him/her the sex won’t matter.

FWIW, boys tend to be much closer to their moms growing up.  Even as adults, my brothers are still close to my mom and see her regularly.  Try not to fret!

I also have so much respect for you for being Team Green.  I could never do it.  The fact that you are doing this for your husband shows how much you love him!

Post # 4
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsSawyer:ย ย My brother is a total momma’s boy. At 35 he still goes by the house almost every day. My mom and I are close but I don’t need to see her everyday for goodness sakes. Boys love their moms too.

Post # 5
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

First of all, boys are usually closer to their mothers than girls are. Your personal experience is different, but if you were betting on the odds, the odds are that a boy would be and stay closer to you than a girl.

Second, I’ve heard from many moms that it’s easier to love the baby that is the undesired gender if you wait to find out… that knowing in advance doesn’t actually provide you with an opportunity to adjust/get used to it/etc, but rather just provides months of anguish and guilt. One of my good friends was horribly upset when she found out she was having a boy and made herself sick over it. The second he was born, she was over the moon with joy and love. She went through 5 months of hell wondering if she would want her baby and angry at what was growing inside of her… for nothing.

Whatever you decide to do, involve your husband in the decision. You should really talk to him about your concerns. You need real, in person support as you go through this.

Post # 6
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You’re not a horrible person at all! In my head I’ve always had this thought of having a little girl one day…but who knows if that will ever happen. DH and I always talk about our future daughter, very rarely sons. The idea of having a little boy has always freaked me out a little bit. Two summers ago though I was a camp director and there was a little boy who looked like my DH’s baby pictures and was just the sweetest little boy and I finally realized that little boys can be awfully adorable too. It was the first time I could ever see possibly having a son one day.

I think that if not knowing the gender is stressing you out, there is no harm in you finding out. Just as your husband wants to be surprised…you want to know and be prepared. His wants shouldn’t outweigh your wants when it comes to this. You don’t have to share that information with your DH if he doesn’t want to know. I remember someone once saying that there’s already so many surprises when it comes to having babies…finding out the gender doesn’t have to be one of them.

 

Post # 7
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsSawyer:  I am sorry you are feeling this way. But it is your feelings and that is OK. Don’t beat yourself up. I think alot of people have a preference even if they do not admit it. I don’t really have any advice, but I can share my story.  I really wanted a girl when I was pregnant with my son. I have 3 sisters, mostly girl cousins, I never had boy’s that were friends etc. Boys were like aliens to me. ๐Ÿ™‚ I chose to be team green because I thought I might be disapointed at the ultrasound. It was true for me that on the day he was born I did not care what he was I was so glad it was over and that he was healthy! He was beautiful and perfect and I fell in love. He is 6 years old now and the sweetest, mellowest, kind, snuggly boy ever.  I am so blessed.  I am pregnant again and yes I do hope for a girl. And I am choosing to be on team green again for the same reasons. But man do I love my boy and I know it won’t matter again what gender it is. I will galdly have another son.  Sorry for the ramble. I am not sure if this helps the green team dilemma or not. Perhaps you should discuss it with your DH and tell him you really want to know and you want a chance to bond. Maybe he would understand if you talk to him about it? It will all be ok either way ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsSawyer: I think everyone is different! For me, I haven’t ever thought about parenting a boy, so I want to find out if baby is a boy so that I have time to adjust and read some books about boys and think about how to grow a good relationship with a boy. I don’t feel like it would be helpful for me to give birth and have them be all “surprise – it’s a boy” and be unprepared for that. I know that I (and I am sure you) will love your baby when you see it, but it would be most helpful to me to know ahead of time and adjust. If you wanted to, you could always find out and not tell your DH, if he prefers to be surprised and is okay with you knowing!

Post # 9
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsSawyer:  this is why we will find out. FI and I have a strong gender preference and I know I will need to come to terms if I don’t have my first choice. I prefer to deal with any disappointment alone

Post # 10
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Can you talk it out with DH and see if you can agree to not be team green? If you explain your side of things maybe he’ll come around? I’m convinced that we need the few months to get used to the gender of the baby if its not what we want. Then we can try and get excited about the bedding/room decor/names to help it all feel right. Good luck dear ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@MsKeee:  Raising a boy and a girl is pretty much the same until the kid is like 3 except that one has a penis and one a vagina and we as a society put them in different colored clothing. Your job as a parent will be the same either way for a very long time.

Post # 12
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I will PM you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mrsSonthebeach:  While I am not into overly gendered parenting, I think that there are different considerations as a parent of a boy and a parent of a girl, even if those considerations come later. I like to think things through ahead of time.

Post # 14
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mrsSonthebeach:  this +1.

i ALWAYS hear from Moms who have both that they felt closer to their sons. Like you, I have a great relationship with my Mom, but so does my brother. Clearly you know how to love and have healthy closeness with family, so I don’t think you need to worry!

 

Post # 16
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

A lady I temporarily friended in Babies R Us said her husband was team green and she always wanted to know. She scheduled the 20 week ultrasound and the tech was getting ready to get a shot of “the goods” and asked if they wanted to know… She said its up to hubby, and he yelled out yes so fast lol. It was adorable.

If you feel down again, I definitely suggest talking it out ๐Ÿ™‚ 

The topic ‘Team Green- Gender Anxiety :(’ is closed to new replies.

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