(Closed) tell her off or avoid her?

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: how to deal with this?
    tell her off : (6 votes)
    7 %
    get your composure and politely tell her off : (39 votes)
    48 %
    avoid her : (31 votes)
    38 %
    talk to their parents (pretty sure it won't solve anything) : (5 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I am all for acting lady like and biting my tongue when necessary but everyone has their  breaking point.  I voted to get your composure and tell her off.  Enough is enough.  She treats you like a doormat because she thinks she can, its time to show her that she will either treat you with respect or she doesnt have to be in your wedding or your life for that matter.  I cant believe you have put up with it for this long, I would have ripped her a new one by now, but thats just me.. lol 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1200 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Does your FI notice this and what does he say?  Have HIM talk to her and his parents!

    Post # 7
    Member
    4496 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Well it sounds like thus far you have been biting your tongue and she continues to act that way. I would probably confront her and straight out ask why she has a problem with you? You can do it nicely so it doesn’t come across as an attack. From what I’ve read though she’ll probably just roll her eyes and walk awayUndecided

    Post # 8
    Member
    614 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    Your fiance needs to step up and say something to her. It’s not acceptable for you to get walked on like this. Been there, done that, but if YOU say something it won’t go over well. I really suggest asking your fiance to talk to her about it. And maybe even talk to your MIL about it.

     

    I’m sorry. Like I said, totally been where you are. Things calmed down for me after my SIL’s wedding and my own, but we don’t live in the same state.

    Post # 9
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @mrsztobee:   Its like spilling something and instead of cleaning it, a newspaper get thrown on it.  This chick needs to be confronted and told to her face that her behavior is unacceptable.  Her parents need to stop being afraid of her tantrums and give her some consequences for her actions.  Its shouldnt be just brushed under the rug and accepted.  If her own parents think she is a bitch, then just unleash the fury on her and let her know that you will not be her doormat!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Ignore her and stop giving her any information about ANY THING.  She’s a non-entity.  Think about it …. if you tell her Mom what is she going to do?  nothing …. if you confront her what will change … nothing.  Only you can change behavior … so ignore her.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    If it was me…. I am pretty sure I would have exploded in her face a long time ago. I think you need to stick up for yourself, it sounds like everybody is afraid of her and has yet to put her in her place. She needs to learn she is too old for that crap. That is just me though, I have learned a long time ago that sometimes it is best to not be a doormat. So yes I am the lone person that voted Tell her off lol…oh well!

    I did this to one co-worker a long time ago that was constantly on my case about everything and was just really bitchy. I ignored it, I tried being nice…but yet she continued. Apparently I made her cry but she left me a lone after that. Probably very mean of me but sometimes I really can only take so much.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2207 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    i have been at the same point with FBIL’s GF… she is always so rude.  just ignoring her made things even worse, so now i’m trying the “kill them with kindness” technique… i’ll have to let you know how it goes….

    one of my FI’s cousins was a lot like your FSIL, though. after we got engaged, she never even said hi to me, never told us “congrats on your engagement”, and just avoided us in general. it made family get togethers really awkward. so finally my FI and i mentioned it to FMIL, and she told his aunt, who said something to the cousin. i’m not sure what she said, but it worked and the cousin has been really friendly ever since. i’m not sure what her issue was, but i think it has to do with her own problems. she has been with her SO for over 5 years so i think seeing her cousin propose after 2 years hurt her.

    anyways, could your FI say something to your FMIL? i think it’s really your FI’s place to talk to her….

    Post # 13
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee

    Just be the bigger person, ignore her and do your own thing.  (silence is golden)

    Post # 14
    Member
    1685 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    She seems to just be a cranky person.  I’d take my cue as to how to act towards her from her family.

    Yes she’s been beyond rude.  Yes she’s been out of line. But really, none of that affects you.  It’s not like anyone takes her seriously and it’s not like you want to actually be friends with her.  My advice: just leave it.  You will have to deal with difficult people your entire life, especially family, so it’s usually better to just learn to ignore it than let it get under your skin.

    I know someone like that, and you just have to ignore the behavior.  Engaging it just results in huge dramatic fights and gets you nowhere.  You have to be around her; you can’t have a big blow up and never see each other again.  Just ignore her rude behavior and stop trying to win her over.  She, very likely, doesn’t like anyone outside of her family and FI.

    The best revenge is a life well lived.  Have an incredible life that she wishes she was a part of Smile

    Post # 15
    Member
    624 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I feel like if you ignore her, then she will be like a dog who can smell fear you know?  At least she will know that you have a backbone unlike her family members and you are not to be messed with.  Even if she acts the same way (she probably will since she sounds like she is mentally ill) at least she will know that you know how to stand up for yourself.  I hate bullies, I know what it feels like to be bullied, and I am all for baring your fangs and fighting back. 

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