Tell Me About Your Worst Ex. (going though some stuff)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 5
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

let’s see…. he abused me in every way possible (and no, i’m not exaggerating). i was with him for five years. for five years, i was abused. and nobody knows. very few people know the truth.

one time, he beat me up. so i took a baseball bat to his car.

Post # 6
Member
868 posts
Busy bee

I used to be win a relationship with a abusive cop years ago. (Engaged actually, thank god I never married him)

He was very charming for the first couple months, then things changed. He would be jealous if I tried to get dressed up for work, claimed this meant I was “cheating” on him. He would expect me to do all the house work While he just sat around. If I went for a coffee he would be suspicious and think I was “doing drugs” wtf? if I listened to Akons music he accused me of “becoming a drug dealer” uh ok. He was always really, really critical and never wanted me to go out with my friends. He would say horrible things to me in arguments. he would get mad if I didnt want to do certain sexual things. It was just awful. 

One day he pushed me because I tried to get away from him when he tried to have sex with me,( i had no sexual interest in him anymore) and then on another occasion when I went out for dinner with a couple girlfriends he actually stalked us, pulled my friend over, made her leave her car, and refused to give us a ride home.

i left one day while he was at work. Just packed up my things and left. I think his new wife may actually be on the bee, good luck to her, she can have him

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Carlasgettingmarried:  Ugh! What a creepy jerk!

I dated an incredibly abusive man for two years. He also would decide my clothing, friends, everything. And there was no saying no, ever. Only mine had a temper that included physical abuse and sexual assault.

A few days ago, someone posted their anniversary on Facebook, and it reminded me of him, since we met the day after their wedding. I had to hide and completely privatize my FB account because his friends kept trying to add me on FB after we broke up so he could keep tabs on me–one of my neighbors even found him peeking in my windows at night!

And I used to find cigarette butts around my house (around it on the outside, not the inside), even though I’m not a smoker… But he is.

So every time I see a truck like his, I FREAK. Or anyone who looks like him. And when I visit my family in Vermont (where he lives), I avoid all the places I know he might be.

Post # 8
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

So I started dating my FI my freshman year of high school, but for a year in college we broke up and I started dating this total deadbeat! He was the complete opposite of FI and, at the time, that is what I had wanted. I was practically his mother. I woke him up for class, helped him with homework, paid for EVERYTHING, drove him everywhere…the list goes on. He didn’t have a job and he was going absolutely NO WHERE in life. When I finally snapped out of my funk and realized I deserved better I broke up with him and kicked him out of my apt. A few weeks later he dropped out of college….what a loser. By total accident FI and I started talking again and we have been inseperable ever since. But yeah, every time I think about that year it makes me sick.

Post # 9
Member
3128 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@Carlasgettingmarried:  

@colorofmyheart:  

I’m so sorry both of you went through that.

I have had some crazy exes. My first two boyfriends both abused little girls. Why they thought they could share this information with me I have no idea… but I am glad they did. I dumped both of their asses immediately (they were already in trouble with the law for it, apparently, so thankfully I didn’t need to involve the police).

Which reminds me, another ex called in a bomb threat to our school on 9/11. His friend was with him egging him on (I don’t remember who made the actual phone call but it doesn’t matter much to me… they were both guilty). I turned him into the cops for that one. 

A different ex was bisexual and went on a “modeling shoot” with a photographer he met on Myspace. This guy was easily the age of our parents (we were both teenagers). Later I found out that they hooked up. Of course. 

Another one got married while we were dating. He was in the military and stationed in a different state so I had no idea that I was the other woman. We definitely got together either right before or right after his wedding (that I was completely unaware of). I never told his wife because I found out quite a while after the fact and didn’t think it was my place.

I am sure there are more but those are the first to come to mind. 

Can I just say how happy I am to have settled down completely with my nice and normal DH?

 

Post # 10
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Not abusive, just… skeevy.

 

When I was in high school, I was quite large and had low self esteem, so when a friend of mine asked me out at the end of grade 11, I jumped at the chance.  He had just graduated and had told me he had broken up with his girlfriend.

 

Since my self esteem was in the toilet and I knew he had had sex with his ex girlfriend, I allowed myself to be pressured into doing things I wasn’t entirely comfortable doing.  We talked about being together for a while, there was even mention of moving in together.  I fancied myself in love with this shrew-faced boy.

 

I went on holidays with my family the week before school started up again.  I came home to an email from him saying he was sorry, but he couldn’t be with me anymore and needed to heal his heart.  Fine, I understood, and I hoped we could still be friends, like we were before.  He was funny, when he wasn’t being inappropriate.

 

Anyway, as it turns out he hadn’t actually broken up with his girlfriend – they were on a break or something – he told her everything we did (full disclosure, I guess).  The girlfriend and I had some mutual friends and she spread it around that I seduced him, tried to steal him away and that I’m a disgusting slut.  The stuff that was spread around ruined two of my friendships beyond repair and pretty much wrecked my trust in men.  I know I’m not innocent in all of this – I could have said no – but he should have kept his gob shut.

Post # 11
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Carlasgettingmarried:  I messaged you my nonsense. I try not to post anything too terribly personal on here, but I still wanted to share. I hope it helps, and I’m so sorry you had to go through all that with your ex.

Post # 12
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My worst ex and I dated for a year and a half before getting engaged, then married…. a few hours after the wedding he told me he didn’t love me and never wanted to get married.   And yes, HE proposed.  Helped plan the wedding and everything.  I never saw it coming.  We got an annulment and I literally cried for three months.

Every minute of the day I am thankful for my wonderful current FI who, in the seven years I have known him, has always kept his word, on everything.  

Post # 13
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m trying to see if there’s a good long and short of this. Dated a guy with mental issues for 3 years. After the first year, his mom told me he was married (he was in the hospital for issues). This was long distance, him in Australia, me in the US..

I couldn’t believe that, as he had been here for months at a time with me, and vice versa. He told me they were separated (he actually introduced me to her!!!!! During lunch!!!!!! Wtf!?), and I believed him. We got engaged 6 months later, but the same drama kept coming up and he kept telling me oh, she moved back in bc she’s trying to get the house, she won’t sign the papers, she wants to make you jealous, etc…

My family didn’t approve, but I loved him, so I dropped out of college and moved out of state and tried to keep the relationship going. He was VERY pathological in his lying, and very, very good…if not totally manipulative.

But none of it added up (it took a while to realize). There were a lot of lies, a lot of secrecy. I found pictures of her in his house, on their wedding day, all this stuff…

Overall, we were together for 3 years. I can’t believe I let myself do that. But I did. He was my first real relationship, too…I cringe when I think about it, and FI doesn’t really know all the details, but thankfully he doesn’t care too much. ^^; I’m ashamed of it.

Post # 14
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Carlasgettingmarried:  Its really unfortunate that you had to put up with somebody that was this controlling and I am glad that you are free from it now.

My worst ex doesn’t really compare, he wasn’t really that bad.  It was my ex from HS, he was in college at the time.  A little into our relationships he started getting really into conspiracy theories and kept getting involved in make money quick kinda schemes.  It probably worked out really well for him though – throughout our entire relationship he kept trying to get me to invest in gold because he thought the banking industry was going to collapse… he probably cleaned up during the recession.

Post # 15
Member
29 posts
Newbee

Here are the ones that I think fit the description of dirtbag ex’s the best. I had no respect for myself. I hated myself. I was mentally unwell and suicidal. I was young. This all stopped at 20. That is my only explanation for this. 

I am older, happy, well-adjusted, totally sober, and madly in love with a wonderful man now. He knows I am a “scarlet woman”, so to speak, but he doesn’t know details.

I have forgiven myself for my choices, but I still get angry with my younger self for some of these things. I was a willing party to all of this. I don’t know why I am typing this all out. Maybe because I feel anonymous and like I need to get it off my chest all these years later.

I was with a guy that we will call D for about two years.

When I met D, I knew he liked to party. So did I. I asked him, as a friend, to make sure that cocaine was never brought around me. I was sticking to pot and alcohol. I had been clean of cocaine for a few months.

A couple months after we began seeing each other, he brought crack around me. He had smoked it extensively before I knew him. I had no idea. It also turned out that he had been homeless before I knew him. A friend’s dad took pity on him and gave him work and a place to stay.

I know this was my own choice, but I tried it. I had thought the horrible times I had spent with cocaine were over. I was wrong. I had graduated to a darker form of it instead.

I used to spend multiple nights per week up all night with D trying to keep him calm. You see, there is something called cocaine psychosis. You get paranoid. You hear and see things that aren’t there. He would turn all the lights off, stalk around the house with a gun, stare out the windows, mutter about people in the shadows, run outside. I would get as high as him, but I never got the full-blown psychosis that he did. Instead of being concerned for my safety, I would keep him indoors and from getting arrested.

He stole money from my mother. 

He totaled my car and ran from the scene. He tried to convince the judge that I was the driver.

He slept with multiple people. He even flaunted it. I just pretended I was oblivious to it.

I made him dinner one night. He didn’t come over because he was with another girl – one who had a boyfriend and was “just a friend.” I brought food over to both him and her. I found out later that he slept with her for the first time that night. This was a girl he made fun of quite a bit. He said terrible things about her. Talked about how he could never kiss her because of her teeth. Didn’t matter. Dogs will be dogs.

He tried to get me to sleep with our dealer for free drugs. I never did. That was one shred of my self-respect I kept. Maybe the only one.

He had my mom’s name listed in his phone as “Barnyard Bitch.”

He tried to sleep with my underage cousin. Somehow, I believed him instead of her. I was a foolish, horrible person.

He punched me.

 

He would wake me up to give him blowjobs. I would be sleeping, and he would smack me on the face with his penis and then insert it into my mouth. Or he would help me out of my clothes while I was totally out of it from drugs and alcohol and then have sex with me.

He sliced a 4-inch gash in my arm on purpose. He was high and wanted to see how sharp his new knife was. I was a cutter at that time. The gash in my arm didn’t faze me. He was more disturbed by it than I was. I didn’t care. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t even say “ow.”

 One night, after a sickening sexual encounter with him, I carved the word “WHORE” into my leg with a razorblade. It’s still legible after nearly a decade.

If I tried to shut him out, he would show up at my house. He would twist everything around so I didn’t know what was true and what was a lie. He would pick me flowers and tell me he could never hurt me.

He never gave two shits about me but would flip out if I received male attention.

He tried to get me to rob a house with him. He said we would use the money to leave the state and start a new life together. Luckily, we never did it.

I thought I was pregnant once. A mutual friend told him about my scare. He was furious that I didn’t tell him. As though I was really going to raise a child with him….

I remember an alcohol and cocaine fueled night spent trolling through strip clubs trying to find him in a strange city. I remember walking miles home at 3 AM after getting into a fight. He never tried to pick me up or get me into the car.

I finally kicked the drugs and him to the curb. He had run out of friends. He had been kicked out of his home. He had never held up his agreement to work while living there and did nothing but disrespect the man taking care of him.

In the end, I picked him up when he got kicked out of the latest place he was crashing. He had no money and only the clothes on his back. Somewhere during that car ride, I finally realized it was over. I wasn’t angry. I was just numb. Maybe relieved. I dropped him off on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. He said in the most pitiful, pathetic voice, “How can you just leave me here? I have nowhere to go. Please, don’t leave me here.”

I never saw him again.

 

On the less psychotic side, we have J. He was around before D.

I was with J for about a year. We saw each other multiple times a week – but only for sex. J could never be a friend to me. He was only after sex, and I gave it to him. He told me that I was too fat to have breasts as small as I did. I was not overweight. That one comment uttered by a total idiot has stuck with me until today. He was against drug use but had no problem with me crawling into bed with him after I spent the night elsewhere smoking crystal meth.

He knew I was a cutter and had problems. His act of kindness when I got out of the hospital after a suicide attempt ( it may have been a gesture vs. a true intent to die, but it was serious enough to land me in ICU ) was to take me to Ruby Tuesday’s. Then straight to bed. I have to admit that he did hold me that night for a little while. He seemed disturbed by it.

He liked to insert objects into me to see what would fit. He plotted one night to get his friend laid. He was having sex with me at a party with an unlocked door. I didn’t know it had been planned in advance. His friend crept into the room and watched us. I stopped what I was doing. I was like a deer in headlights. His friend had a bag of bondage gear and was holding a ballgag. J told me to relax. That his friend needed female companionship. His friend climbed into bed and started stroking my leg. That’s when I unfroze and ran from the room. I still continued to see J.

J is now a married man with children. Even though I consented to our relationship, I was degraded and treated like a beast. He would tell me what to wear and exactly how to please him sexually. He didn’t care what our sexual relationship was doing to me. He didn’t care that my arms and legs looked like hamburger meat from the self-injury. It’s scary to think that he’s this “normal” guy now. I wonder if his wife knows what kind of misogynistic sexual freak he was during his early twenties.

The least psychotic of all, but the only one currently serving a 30-year prison sentence for drug trafficking is K. He was basically my first. 

K was always a gentleman when we were alone. He said kind things about me to others. He seemed impressed by me.

Only problem: I was very underage. K was 10+ years older. I was not a virgin, but it was truly a technicality. I had no experience with men. I had only had one penetrative sexual encounter.

I thought he was so grown-up and wise. He had so much life experience. I was too young and immature to realize that he was a Peter Pan who spent all his time hanging out with much younger folk.

K did the usual. He kept up the good behavior just long enough to get me into bed. I thought I was in love. He just thought I was a young, naive girl.

I came to his house one night and discovered him in bed with two fifteen-year-old girls. Even though I wasn’t any more legal than they were, I was disgusted. It was like a punch in my stomach. I walked out without looking back.

I ran into him just a couple of years later during my cocaine days. I was no longer a young, naive girl. He tried to sweet talk me. Told me he had always loved me. Told people I was his girlfriend. Luckily, I never slept with him. I kept it up for a bit for free drugs. He was busted not long after that. It was very fortunate for me that I was not at the house during the raid. I had ended our rekindled “friendship” shortly before that. He was charged with both cocaine trafficking as well as labeled as a sex offender. Apparently, he had never lost his taste in underage girls.

 

 

Post # 16
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Our entire relationship was a lie…on his end. He worked on the road, but LIVED WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND, unbeknownst to me.  I don’t even know how he did it, b/c he came to see me just about every weekend for 2-3 months. He would disappear for a week or 2 at a time, though. No communication. But I fell HARD for him, so I believed all of his excuses. It was awful in the end, b/c he finally just completley disappeared. I didn’t even know about the girlfriend til nearly 2 months later when she called me! She had a dream about him cheating and checked his phone. She thought it was still going on. I told her everything…it was such a hot mess. He was sitting right there with her and telling her I was crazy, but she believed me. At least she acted like she did. We e-mailed back and forth for a while b/c he  deleted my number from her phone, but it just got too weird for me. I don’t know what happened with them. 

There are days when I even thought the girlfriend was some big elaborate lie! I was so messed up.

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