(Closed) Tell me again why I shouldn’t take him back…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

He’s still putting softball before you. SOFTBALL. I know it’s hard and you feel alone, but when you were with him, he still wasn’t really with you, if you get what I mean.

Please stay strong. You deserve someone who puts you first.

Post # 4
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

Hang in there. It’s rough at first to get over it, but I really don’t think you should get back together with him. Your last post seemed miserable, you didn’t sound happy at all. 

Also, he called off the engagement in a text message. That right there says it all. 

Post # 5
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

And didn’t he go out with another girl the next day?

Post # 7
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry but you should already know that you should be MORE important than a softball team….I mean seriously…you know that.

Try to keep strong.

Post # 8
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I thought he realized he actually didn’t want kids too?  Don’t compromise just because you’re having a tough time adjusting to being lonely.  You’ll get used to it and start to focus on yourself more and more until you’re 10x happier than when you were with this guy!  Seriously, don’t do it!  Take yourself on a date and then go to the spa, do all the things you couldn’t do because he was loving up on softball!

Post # 9
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is an easy answer. 

If he’s not willing to make changes NOW, don’t even consider going back.  And even if he agrees to drop some of his commitment to the game, I still wouldn’t go back until I actually saw him missing practices consistently for at least two weeks. 

Like others have said…this is SOFTBALL.  It’s a GAME.  If he was a  pro player and this was his career it’d be one thing, but he’s not.  If you go back, you will always be second to his team.  That is not how you create a healthy marriage.  I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this, it’s truly not fair to you.  Stay strong, and start taking the next step to move on.  *HUGS*

Post # 10
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Firstly he is putting trivial things before you. Softball is not important no matter how you look at it it is a hobby that comes AFTEr necessities and you are a necessity. Its not like you are asking him to quit everything he does without you but to tone it down a bit so you two can be closer.

Secondly can you ever trust him not to randomly up and leave ever again? I know I wouldn’t be able to. It would always be in my mind that “He is just going to leave again whenever he gets frustrated.” That kind of mistrust isn’t a fair situation.

Thirdly he was out with another girl the night after he broke it off (or the night of I dont remember) it sounds to me like he found someone he wanted to screw and rathe than cheating on you he dumps you, gets what he wants from the other girl, and now wants you back. Dumping someone for a night so you can freely sleep with someone else is worse than cheating in my opinion.

I know it hurts and I know you care about/love him, but you need to think would there be trust in this relationship after this? Would it be healthy for you? You are saying by going back it is ok for him to up and leave whenever he wants a new vag to screw or whenever softball season is in and he doesn’t want to “deal with” having you around. It will hurt, it will kill but you need to find someone who will respect you and that you can trust.

Post # 11
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is very sad. I can understand. I remember when I broke up with my ex, who was also a jerk, I would talk to him and it made it really hard to move on and just completely break away. All my feelings for him were still there even though he did something unforgiveable and talking to him just reminded me of how much I loved him. Plus eating by yourself and watching tv by yourself, really can make you feel lonely when you were used to having somewhere there. So, you love him, you’re lonely, and all that other jazz. I get it. However, he is a total jerk.

You need to stop talking to him for a couple of weeks and take your space. Really do it. No texts. No wondering where he is. None of that. Just time for you. Tell your friends and family that they need to help keep you occupied. Then reevaluate the situation and see where you stand.

I can honestly say, that I missed him for like 6 months after, but just a couple weeks of fully cutting him out of my life, made me realize I could get on with out him and that he was a jerk. Plus then I met DH and he tought me what a real man and love was all about.

Post # 12
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

So here’s what you’ve gotta do:  completely cut off all contact, at least for an entire week.  This constant texting and what not only keeps him in the forefront of your mind, especially since he’s asking to work things out.  Ask him to respect your wishes and give you some space, not contact for a week, and you’ll talk to him in 7 days.  I’m willing to bet that during this time it’ll get a little easier to handle, and maybe some things will become clearer after you give it some thought.

For the love of god… I really hope you don’t go back with this guy.  Softball?  Really?  Darling there are so many other people out there who will fit with you. This guy is proving he just simply doesn’t want to make the time to do it.  Find another one!

Post # 13
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

He doesn’t want kids….he doesn’t want to compromise (you go to counseling, but he won’t give up ONE of his teams)….yikes. Okay, so, that he may or may not have been out with a “hot blonde” a day later aside….you love him, he says that he loves you. It could be that he was just going through jitters and crap like that. There was just a post about being 80% sure of someone, maybe this is that other 20% for him.

That being said… 

It shows an incredible lack of maturity on his part that he’s unwilling to give up one of his sports teams because he’s “committed” to them. If he were as committed to you as he is to those teams, you wouldn’t be having this problem. Get your stuff out, get off the lease, and tell him no. If he’s really serious about getting back together with you, tell him he needs to come to couples counseling.

Post # 14
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think the problem isnt the softball thing, but didnt you say in the other post that he said he doesnt want kids, and you do? Thats a deal breaker right there.

Post # 15
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

The first thing that irratates me about this is he did this right before you were suppose to take a Final? Did he know you had a final to take that day!? Why would he say that to you right before an important test!? Not saying what he did was right at all, but if he was going to di it he could of at least waited till after your damn test! What an inconsiderate jerk in my opnion! If he didn’t know then ignore all above, haha.

I agree that I would not go back to him unless he quits some of his teams. 4 teams all together? 3 softball and 1 baseball right? and he is giving you  hard time about quitting one? If that was me I would probably ask him to quit 2! So then he can have one softball and one baseball. I don’t think that’s unrealistic, or ridic. to ask. If he says he will do anything, then he will do anything, and that means quitting one of his teams if you asked him too. If he he doesn’t or won’t, then well he lied, and isn’t willing to do anything. Don’t let him play you. He is maybe realizing that he made a mistake and wants you back but isn’t willing to quit his teams. If he really loves you then he will be willing to compromise. It’s not like you are asking him to quit all of it. and yea, what’s the point if you barely ever get to see him anyway. He doesn’t want to spend time with you it seems. He rather be playing softball or baseball. What kind of crap is that? I love  you, I miss you, and I’m sorry, I sitll want to be with you! You get back together and a few days later he’s back to leaving you all the time. Yea, he really loves you and misses you my butt. (Sorry, don’t mean to be harsh, but I am furious for you!)

I say leave him hanging. Go out on some innocent dates, go out with your girlfriends. Do somethings for you. If he really wants you back he will do everything he can to get you back, like be willing to compromise! Compromise is so important in a relationship/marriage. So like I said, don’t take him back yet if you are going too. Tell him “Well if you aren’t willing to quit some of your teams, then I’m not willing to get back together with you, sorry, but you being on so many teams makes it impossible for us to see eachother hardly. I want to be with someone who actually wants to spend time with me.” and get up and leave. If he wants you, he will work towards getting you back.

Edit: Yea, and also if he doesn’t want kids, and you do, I’m not sure if that would work out. One of you either has to change your mind, and really meant it, and want it. or else it’s not going to work, and I don’t think I would waste some x amount of years to see if he will grow into the idea, becaue if he doesn’t then you will have wasted x amount of years on nothing.

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