Tell me if this breaks etiquette or not

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@LadyBlackheart:  Yes, etiquette-wise all adults are supposed to get their own invitation. So technically, even if you were living with your mom, you should get your own. Logistically, it makes exactly ZERO sense that she put your name on your mom’s invitation when you don’t even live there!

Silly. You’d think an older bride would know better than that, but maybe she just got flustered. 

Post # 4
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I did this for a few people when I didn’t know where I could find them, for some others I sent their own invite but to their parents house. I don’t think it’s really a big deal, atleast you are invited but your mum did kind of drop the ball in telling you

Post # 5
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

Blah, yeah. She was most definitely on the wrong side of ettiquite. My best guess was that she had a casual attitude and doesn’t know your new address, so she went with mailing it to your parents.

Post # 6
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Yeah, she should have gotten your address. But, go if want to, and don’t let her little error stop you

Post # 7
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yes, it’s against etiquette,  and you should have received your own invitation.  But a lot of people don’t know any better.  

Post # 8
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yes, it’s against etiquette, but my guess is she was in a rush to get invitations out given the short engagement and didn’t have time to track down peoples addresses.

Post # 10
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@LadyBlackheart:  

All I know is that if you are over 18 which you are, you should receive your own invite.

Now that being said, Personally, I think some etiquette rules are kinda silly , and don’ t always need to be follwed to the “T.” While it would have been nice to get your own , especailly to your own apartment, she still invited you. Your mom also probably should have let you known when she got the invite, instead of leaving it to last minute.

Obviously some rules I definitely would follow, such as sending thank you cards in a decent amount of time , and whatnot, but I say it’s her wedding, and she chose something different than the norm. I don’t think it was meant to be offensive or rude. It’s quite possible she didn’t even realize there was a “rule” that she had to send two seperate ones. Or possibly she was trying to save money. Weddings are expensive enough as it is. and it saved her X amount of dollars to put your names on just one,  rather than two.

 

That’s just my thought. Others may not agree with me , but that’s okay 🙂

Post # 11
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@LadyBlackheart:  My cousin did the same thing. He went as far as to send one invite to a family of 5, with all kids moved away from home with their own wives and husbands. Their husbands and wives weren’t invited! It was quite a doozy of an etiqutte fail. 

Post # 12
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee

@LadyBlackheart:  Technically, if you are over 18, you should get your own (even if you live in the same house). Realistically, I don’t think anyone follows this anymore. For example, my brother and sister are both in college. I’m not sending them separate invites to their dorms. They clearly know they are invited and I’m listing them on my parents invite.

 

Post # 13
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yep, you definitely should have gotten your own invite. But if you’re not especially close, she might not even remember that you don’t live with your parents any more! Or she could have been trying to save the postage/cost of an invite.

Post # 14
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Does the rule say over 18 or an adult because 18 is the age of majority in some states, but in some states, it’s 19 and in Mississippi, it’s 21. 

While since you live in a separate household, you should have gotten your own invite, maybe she didn’t have your address and had little time to expend trying to track down folks. Some people take these rules of etiquette too far (not that you are because you’re only asking a question) but some of the folks on here would call the police if they could if someone doesn’t follow something Emily Post wrote to the LETTER. Seriously, it’s a piece of paper that ends up in the trash. 

Post # 15
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

@LadyBlackheart:  Yes.  Each guest should receive their own invitation to their own address.  Even if you were living at home, you would be expected to receive your own invitation to your mother’s address.

I would be very tempted to just throw my name onto my mom’s gift. Being a good person sucks sometimes.

Post # 16
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

All of my family has done this and it drives me nuts!  My husband (then live-in boyfriend or fiance) and I have ALWAYS gotten invites to stuff sent to our parents houses, or tacked onto the parents’ invite, even though we’ve been living together for five years!  Even the last baby shower I went to for DH’s cousin’s wife, the thank-you card got sent to his mom’s house.

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