Post # 1
So my cousin is getting married on February 1st. She announced her engagement on Facebook on December 22nd. She herself said on Facebook that while it’s a short engagement, they have been planning for a while. So while it seems like the wedding is being put together in a very short time, it’s actually been a lot longer than that. She’s also 36 years old so I guess that might be a reason for the short engagement.
Anyway, ever since I found out she got engaged, I’ve been checking my mailbox for a wedding invitation.
Didn’t get one. So I thought “Okay, I guess I’m not invited. Oh well.” Slightly disappointed but no big deal.
My mom just called me and asked me if I was going to her wedding shower tomorrow. I said “No, because I didn’t even know about the shower or if I was invited to her wedding.”
Mom told me that I was and that the invitation had been sent to her house.
So basically, my cousin sent my parents a wedding invitation and included my name on it. Even though I am 26 years old and I have my own apartment.
Does this break etiquette? I keep thinking of a rule that I heard stating that adults must receive their own separate invitation.
To be clear, I am not upset about this. I just think it’s kind of funny. I just want to know if my cousin technically broke the rules of etiquette. I also want to know what the right thing is for when I get engaged, hopefully in the near future 😉
Post # 3
@LadyBlackheart: Yes, etiquette-wise all adults are supposed to get their own invitation. So technically, even if you were living with your mom, you should get your own. Logistically, it makes exactly ZERO sense that she put your name on your mom’s invitation when you don’t even live there!
Silly. You’d think an older bride would know better than that, but maybe she just got flustered.
Post # 4
I did this for a few people when I didn’t know where I could find them, for some others I sent their own invite but to their parents house. I don’t think it’s really a big deal, atleast you are invited but your mum did kind of drop the ball in telling you
Post # 5
Blah, yeah. She was most definitely on the wrong side of ettiquite. My best guess was that she had a casual attitude and doesn’t know your new address, so she went with mailing it to your parents.
Post # 6
Yeah, she should have gotten your address. But, go if want to, and don’t let her little error stop you
Post # 7
Yes, it’s against etiquette, and you should have received your own invitation. But a lot of people don’t know any better.
Post # 8
Yes, it’s against etiquette, but my guess is she was in a rush to get invitations out given the short engagement and didn’t have time to track down peoples addresses.
Post # 9
Good to know. That’s what I thought too but my aunt suggested that maybe she didn’t know my current address.
But honestly, how hard is it to find out? She could have messaged my mother, my grandparents, other cousins, etc. She is friends with the rest of my family on Facebook. It would have been super easy to get my address.
Oh well. Live and learn, right? When I get engaged, I will definitely make sure adults get their own invitation, no matter where they’re living.
Post # 10
All I know is that if you are over 18 which you are, you should receive your own invite.
Now that being said, Personally, I think some etiquette rules are kinda silly , and don’ t always need to be follwed to the “T.” While it would have been nice to get your own , especailly to your own apartment, she still invited you. Your mom also probably should have let you known when she got the invite, instead of leaving it to last minute.
Obviously some rules I definitely would follow, such as sending thank you cards in a decent amount of time , and whatnot, but I say it’s her wedding, and she chose something different than the norm. I don’t think it was meant to be offensive or rude. It’s quite possible she didn’t even realize there was a “rule” that she had to send two seperate ones. Or possibly she was trying to save money. Weddings are expensive enough as it is. and it saved her X amount of dollars to put your names on just one, rather than two.
That’s just my thought. Others may not agree with me , but that’s okay 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@LadyBlackheart: My cousin did the same thing. He went as far as to send one invite to a family of 5, with all kids moved away from home with their own wives and husbands. Their husbands and wives weren’t invited! It was quite a doozy of an etiqutte fail.
Post # 12
@LadyBlackheart: Technically, if you are over 18, you should get your own (even if you live in the same house). Realistically, I don’t think anyone follows this anymore. For example, my brother and sister are both in college. I’m not sending them separate invites to their dorms. They clearly know they are invited and I’m listing them on my parents invite.
Post # 13
Yep, you definitely should have gotten your own invite. But if you’re not especially close, she might not even remember that you don’t live with your parents any more! Or she could have been trying to save the postage/cost of an invite.
Post # 14
Does the rule say over 18 or an adult because 18 is the age of majority in some states, but in some states, it’s 19 and in Mississippi, it’s 21.
While since you live in a separate household, you should have gotten your own invite, maybe she didn’t have your address and had little time to expend trying to track down folks. Some people take these rules of etiquette too far (not that you are because you’re only asking a question) but some of the folks on here would call the police if they could if someone doesn’t follow something Emily Post wrote to the LETTER. Seriously, it’s a piece of paper that ends up in the trash.
Post # 15
@LadyBlackheart: Yes. Each guest should receive their own invitation to their own address. Even if you were living at home, you would be expected to receive your own invitation to your mother’s address.
I would be very tempted to just throw my name onto my mom’s gift. Being a good person sucks sometimes.
Post # 16
All of my family has done this and it drives me nuts! My husband (then live-in boyfriend or fiance) and I have ALWAYS gotten invites to stuff sent to our parents houses, or tacked onto the parents’ invite, even though we’ve been living together for five years! Even the last baby shower I went to for DH’s cousin’s wife, the thank-you card got sent to his mom’s house.