Post # 1
I love my fiancé, and I am so thrilled to be marrying him! BUT, I am so nervous/anxious about the wedding.
-it is in my in-laws’ city, far away from my friends and family (this was necessary due to my father-in-law’s illness )
-they have expressed a strong desire (emotional manipulation?) to invite guests, despite our wish to have a very small wedding (and they got their wish)
-the result is that there will be about 20 guests (out of 45) that are nearly strangers to me. This makes me ever so nervous! I need to make a good impression, instead of being relaxed. Also, the guests will be mostly my fiance’s family. My only family in attendance will be my parents. We tried so hard to keep this wedding small (we are footing the bill, another source of stress) and my family has respected that. I hate that unknown cousins will be there, just to make my fiance’s parents happy. I know they want to save face and invite all of their family… But c’mon! We’re all making sacrifices here.
So, I’m totally stressed. It is devastating that my future father in law is ill, but it has also given them a lot more input as to how the wedding occurs. Anyways. I know it will be fine but right now I am sad and dreading the wedding. We made the date really soon (this August) so that my fiance’s dad could be there. Makes sense. But it also means that two, maybe three of my best friends can’t make it. Sad.
This is not how I envisioned my wedding day. But it’s ok, because the wedding is just one day! Right? Then why do I feel so sad and stressed?
Post # 2
mrsgarkenzie: I’m so sorry you aren’t feeling really excited at this point 🙁
Honestly I think it’s really unfair of them to use his illness to get their way… I understand having it closer to them for obvious reasons yes, but telling you who you have to invite? no. If you guys are footing the bill then really it shouldn’t have been their choice. That said, it’s done now.
You do NOT need to feel pressure to make a good impression on your wedding day. a) because you naturally will anyway, you’re the bride! and b) because all you need to do is be you, if they don’t like what they see that’s their problem (although I highly doubt you have anything to worry about!) Worrying about what they think of you on your wedding day shouldn’t even enter your mind!
Yes it is one day, your marriage is forever but I totally understand your dissapointment, it is a very special occassion.
I know cost is likely a big factor but think about having an encore party/celebration in your home town at some stage so you can celebrate with your family and friends – it doesn’t need to be a second wedding, just a really special celebration that you can enjoy with the people you are closest to.
I’m sorry OP 🙁 but don’t worry about those other people and try to focus on all the wonderful things! I am sure you will still have an amazing day!
Post # 3
Miss_E_xx: thank you so, so much. I am feeling better better 🙂 Definitely bookmarking this thread! I love my future in-laws, but it’s not THEIR wedding 😉
Post # 4
mrsgarkenzie: Is there any way to cut those extra 20 guests?
Post # 5
mrsgarkenzie: Just focus on your FI and the commitment you are making to each other. That is the important part. The dress, the party, all of that is secondary.
Try to enjoy yourself at the wedding. I think that you are showing a lot of character by making so many concessions in the face of your FIL illness. Bummer that your friends can’t be there, but maybe you can have an informal reception with your friends when you get back
Post # 6
mrsgarkenzie: You may not even have to worry about those extra guests coming. Honestly we just had our wedding and my mom forced me to invite a bunch of family that I barely know as well as her friends. My husband invited a bunch of people that I’d never met too. None of them came, even though a bunch RSVP’d they were going. We wound up with a wedding the size I wanted (no more than 40) and it was all people that I knew and loved. Sometimes you just have to let go and trust that it will all be okay.
And even if these extra people do show up, just smile and tell them you’re glad they could join in your celebration. The impression doesn’t get better than that. No sense in making your day about those people. Focus on why you’re there celebrating, and enjoy your wedding and your marriage! Best wishes to you!
Post # 7
Moranar: nope! Too late for that.
Bridey77: thanks. I am trying to focus on what I am doing for others, instead of just me me me. But it’s still hard to give up the princess dream of “my day”.
we are having a party with friends and family next summer 🙂
ren89: good advice! I like that. Just smile, and that will make a good impression.
I love the community here. Thank you, everyone!!
Post # 8
mrsgarkenzie: Why aren’t you having the wedding you want? It’s so sad that you are dreading what should be a special day. It’s great to accommodate others but your wedding day should be what you and he want. Ugh I’m sad for you. I hope you aren’t in for a life where his parents take precedence over everything else like it sounds they have here 🙁
Post # 9
mrsgarkenzie: Could you arrange a party or some sort of celebration thing in your home town for a later date and invite people who couldn’t travel to the wedding to that?
Post # 10
Just focus on the fact that you get to marry someone you care about, and focus on the people there that you know. If you are a stranger to 20 people there, I’m assuming other people will not such as your future parents in law, and it is their job as hosts (since it is in their city) to make them feel welcome (an extra 20 people is like 2 tables and really not going to change the feel of your wedding too much). If money is an issue (and money is SO hard for any couple starting out), I would explain that to your future parents in law, and perhaps either the people you don’t know will have to get cut or they will have to help pay. I wanted a small wedding too, but then I realized it is our parent’s day too. They raised us and they want to show off their children to people that are important to them, and that is really an endearing thing. However, a young couple can’t always afford to foot the bill for that (I certainly couldn’t), and if it is important to them they really should foot the bill.
A wedding is really about celebrating adding to your family, and it is really great that your future father in law will be there, especially since that might be the last memory you guys have with him and all your family- down the road that is going to be a SUPER meaningful thing. It is too bad about your best friends not being able to make it (I really do think it is the people that make the wedding). Honestly, even if you were getting married in your hometown there will always be conflicts with people important to you because it is just too hard to coordinate everyone’s schedule, and it is tough, but there still will be a lot of special people there! If it is a money thing for them, perhaps you can find a way to cut down your budget to help them be there. Another possiblity is planning a casual celebration/ reception later in the year in your home town. Even if it just a backyard barbeque or a small gathering at a pizza joint- it is a way that people who can’t make it to be a part of your celebration. We are thinking of doing something like that for my fiance’s family, who live out of state and many are unable to travel.
I know my response is probably an unpopular one on here and we all would like to think it is our day, but truthfully it our friend’s and family’s day too, and sometimes the wedding that is the best celebration of that doesn’t match up to the one you have pinned on pinterest. But it is still a celebration of you and your fiance and you should make the most of that!
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I agree that it’s irritating and manipulative for your in-laws to be inviting people against your wishes, but I also think you need to keep in mind that the majority of the people they’re inviting are actually going to be YOUR family now. It’s not like random work friends or something like that.
Keep your eyes on the prize!!! It will be a wonderful day, I’m sure. (Plus, yeah, most of them won’t come!)
Post # 12
spiffanee: I bought into the idea that weddings are for the parents :/ You make a good point though! I don’t want to be compromising my happiness for theirs the whole rest of my life!
cpick: We are doing that! My parents are throwing us a party in my home town next summer 🙂 Nice consolation.
mgbser: You are right! It is for the families, too. Which is why we’re trying so hard to make his parents happy.
prahajess: You’re right, they will be my family! 🙂 But my fiancé barely knows their names, and MY family won’t be there to balance it out. It’s just not how I dreamed of it.
Post # 13
mrsgarkenzie: because it’s a sad and stressful thing. If wedding is for parents, parents pay. If it’s for the kids, kids pay.
I wouldn’t worry about making a good impression. It’s your wedding and wedding day. Everyone knows that it’s bad luck on the person who makes a bride cry on her wedding day. I’m sorry you’ll be meeting distant family for the first time at your own wedding, and hopefully they will appreciate your gracious hospitality.
Post # 14
Ugh I’m so sorry that you’re stressed! But honestly, don’t worry about impressing people, this is still your day no matter what! Once the day comes, none of this will matter. It’s not about the wedding, it’s about your marriage. And everyone will be impressed by you anyway because you will look beautiful and your marrying into their family! No one can take this day away from you especially not 20 random guests!