Tell me what DIDN'T matter…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Good topic! After my wedding, I regret spending so much time and money on various reception decorations, like our bride/groom signs, signs for the photo booth (It was pretty obvious…) and I had great hopes for rose petals on the aisle, but it rained and my friend doing the arrangment had almost NO time to put it together, and it looked gorgouse anyway! 

Post # 4
Member
5087 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m excited for the this thread. I want to cut all the unnecessary stuff from our wedding. Any ideas bees.  

Post # 5
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My wedding was a breeze to be honest – it was planned quickly, the details didn’t need any stress and we just went with the flow. However, I’ve recently helped plan my son and daughter in law’s wedding (she’s from the US so her mum was thousands of miles away!) and I can second pp’s comments.

1. Don’t go so overboard with DIY details that there’s a danger you’ll spend your wedding morning pinning up bunting/preparing umpteen signs that nobody will take any notice of. Instead, make sure you have a good crew of willing friends who are happy to help decorate without you. Fortunately this was the case for us but things could have gone very pearshaped without them since the bride should NOT be doing more than enjoying her day!

2. Also accept that once guests arrive, they’ll be keener to see you than they will get critical about centrepieces and the like. That doesn’t mean you should abandon nice details but be aware that they’ll be much more important to you so be realistic about what you can do in the time available.

3. If you are having an evening reception with a buffet (commonplace in the UK) be generous with your catering but also be aware that nobody ever eats as much as you assume. Especially if they’ve already eaten a wedding lunch!

4. There’s a whole lot of stuff that the wedding industry will persuade you is essential. Most of it is just an excuse to part you with your cash. You really don’t need caricaturists, additional string quartets, a magician, a three ring flea circus or most other diversions. Your guests will want to eat, talk and dance. They are not bored hyperactive children who need to be diverted every five minutes lest they wreak havoc.

Post # 6
Member
252 posts
Helper bee

@Charbelle:  honestly i never used to notice anything!!! Butt that was before i was thinking of getting married ha! well of course the dress id look at.. the new thing is the seating frame!! My friends literally spend $800 to rent that huge seating frame! I noticed it bc it was bigger than me lol! 

Post # 7
Member
252 posts
Helper bee

@Steampunkbride:  lolol i literally laughed out loud at this “u really don’t need caricaturists, additional string quartets, a magician, a three ring flea circus or most other diversions. Your guests will want to eat, talk and dance. They are not bored hyperactive children who need to be diverted every five minutes lest they wreak havoc.”

hahah you are so right! Thanks because im bouncing back and forth between a slideshow (tvs cost $1200 to rent 2!!!) and i keep thinking butbwhat is everyone going to do wont they be bored lolol


Post # 8
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

All the small details that I rushed and worried over didn’t matter. Favors, Welcome bags, etc.

 

The big ticket items like our venue, music, food, flowers, our cake, my dress and the photog were really what made our wedding memorable along with our guests of course:) 

Post # 9
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Great ideas need to follow this!!!

Post # 10
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Great topic!  No one wants to waste $ on stuff that doesn’t even matter.  Can’t wait to see what some of the thoughts are from others.

Post # 11
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

To be honest, the day of the wedding the ONLY thing that mattered was that we were having fun. Nobody cared what anything looked like, and our pictures look amazing because we are just having such a great time. BY the end of the night, the hem of my dress was dirty, I had lipstick AND red wine on my dress (I didn’t even drink red wine!!), and I was just happy and satisfied. NOTHING mattered and when I saw the pictures everything looked amazing. 

DO NOT sweat the small stuff. It all doesn’t matter in the end. Focus on having a wonderful day, because THAT is what you’re going to remember.  

Post # 12
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’ll be honest: how our cake looked. It was a gorgeous piece of artwork AND it tasted fantastic, but to be fair its appearance only mattered for a very brief amount of time and then it was all cut up and eaten. In retrospect, paying much less for a plainer cake would have been fine by me.

Post # 13
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Jijitattoo:  I love looking at the pictures of my cake (see below, I’m seriously in love with it), but I have to admit you’re right. It was in a corner, and most people didn’t even notice when we cut it. But it tasted amazing, and that DID matter! Luckily, it wasn’t a huge expense so no harm, no foul. 

Post # 14
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@oangeo:  Hey 🙂 I wound up buying a big digital picture frame, loading it with HUNDREDS of pictures, putting it on split frame (displays up to 4 pics at once), setting it to random …and, voila… pictures!

Kind of a slide show, but people can look when they wanna. Plus I have the nice frame for forever, and it cost a lot less than renting a projector 🙂

Post # 15
mswallabyBee
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

To be honest, almost everything! The ceremony, having our favorite people there, and celebrating outside under the oak trees on a beautiful day were what made our wedding day so memorable and amazing. The vast majority of the details didn’t end up mattering. Here are some of the things I agonized over WAY too much while wedding planning:

1. Initially, the guest list. I wanted a very small, intimate wedding. My in-laws are from another country and don’t have any immediate family here in the US, so they wanted to invite all of their family friends who are “like family.” Their guest list was ~70 people, whereas DH and I only invited ~30 of our own friends and 25 of my relatives. I was so upset, especially because they even wanted to invite some peopel I had never met! In the end, they cut 5-10 people from their list and we invited everyone else. It turned out to be so much fun – every single guest danced, people mingled with other people they didn’t know, it was just this amazing party where everyone came together. So worth it, and I know it made my in-laws so happy.

2. DIY decor. I spent so much time looking at wedding blogs and pinning pretty little details that I wanted to copy/re-create for our wedding. I don’t even know how many hours I spent crafting, buying vintage decor, etc. Then the day before our wedding, when we were transporting everything from our house to the venue, I forgot about a couple boxes full of DIY crafts. Those things never made it to the wedding. It kills me that we spent so much time on them, but oh well – definitely didn’t ruin our wedding day!

3. Dress. I LOVED my dress and so did my DH and all of our guests, but I wish I hadn’t been pressured into buying a $1300 new dress, when all I really wanted was to buy a used dress and save the money. Plus I ended up spending $700 on alterations because I was too shy to speak up when my regular go-to- seamstress quoted me that high, once she had already pinned up the dress. So ~$2,000 total on my dress…I would’ve had a great time at our wedding no matter what I wore. I should’ve put my foot down and ordered a used dress and been done with it.

4. Thank-you cards. It was a hassle getting some pro pics  as soon as we got back from our honeymoon so I could order fancy photo thank-you cards and get them in the mail as soon as possible. I should’ve just bought a few (cheap) packs of the cute thank-you cards at Target and called it a day. Then I could’ve started on the thank-you cards before the wedding, as soon as gifts started arriving.

 

Things I wish I had spent MORE time thinking about:

1. Cards for our bridal party and my family – I forgot to do this until the last minute, so the night before the wedding I was quickly handwriting cards for my bridesmaids, my parents, and my grandma. I wish I had done this a couple weeks before when I wasn’t in such a rush – they all really appreciated the cards, and my mom and grandma teared up – but I wish I could’ve spent more time really writing down all of my heartfelt thanks.

2. Paying our vendors – we made a couple changes to our contract with our venue the week before the wedding, and I owed them money the day of the wedding. I also had to pay the ice cream truck driver. I had to step away from our reception to go find my checkbook and write out these checks – wish I wouldn’t have had to worry about that. It also led me to agonize over the following week about whether there was anyone I had forgotten to pay, in all that chaos.

3. Clean-up – I don’t know how I could change this, but both of our families ended up staying a few hours after the wedding (i.e. until ~1 in the morning) cleaning everything up and packing up the gifts and decorations. I wish they could’ve just relaxed and gone to bed after such a long day. I don’t know, maybe I should’ve hired a couple helpers or something? Not sure what the solution would be, but I definitely feel some guilt about that.

4. Videography. Luckily, a couple weeks before the wedding DH decided that we should splurge and hire a videographer (we had been planning on asking a friend to record the ceremony on a flip-cam). At the time, it really hurt our bank account (we had to dip into savings that we really didn’t want to touch, for buying a house soon after the wedding) but it was so, so, so worth it. We watch our 20-minute wedding highlights video at least once a month. It’s very professional, quick and to-the-point and really helps when DH is out of town and I’m missing him, or if we’re feeling nostalgic. Some of our friends have major regrets about not hiring a videographer, so I’m glad DH arranged this at the last minute. We might’ve been able to get a better deal though if we had planned ahead and done a lot of research – we forked over $900, which is a lot.

5. DH’s suit. It took him all of 5 minutes to pick out a gray suit he liked from Men’s Wearhouse, and all of his GM rented the same suit. The suit turned out to be really really baggy on him, and it makes me a little sad when I look at our wedding photos – he’s got a great, toned body and his suit hangs on him in a weird, baggy way. We should’ve shopped around for sales during our 10-month engagement and bought him his own suit, so it could fit him just right (and so he’d have a gray suit to wear to other weddings – he only owns one suit).

6. Photos: we gave our photographers a list of family members and photo line-ups (i.e. all of the different combinations of family members, so we could get through family photos efficiently). But we should’ve given them a list of close family friends, too, because we never took pictures with some of our very close family friends, and several of them have expressed disappointment about that. I really do feel badly about that.

 

I hope this helps brides who are still planning! I’ll try to think of more…

Post # 16
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am not married…..yet, but have been to many as a guest or as part of the bridal party.  My biggest personal skip is the favors.  Half of them end up bring left unclaimed on the table at the end of the night. One alternative I have seen done instead is a donation to a favorite charity in the guests names. At one wedding they had a poster size sign made that was at the entrance to the reception stating “in lieu if favors, Kim and John have made a donation in your name to x charity”.  At another wedding, the wording was basically the same but instead of a big sign, they printed small cards stating this and put three cards at each table. I liked the second option better. 

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