(Closed) Telling BF I Bought ERing (A Little Long)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t know about this. I just really hope you two are on the EXACT same page. He probably should have at least gone with you to buy it. I am all for the woman helping to buy the ring or even buy it herself if that is what she wants, but this situation seems a little different. I mean, did he even ask you to marry him?

Your comment about this being a “Test” makes me a little nervous. This type of thing is not something that should be used as a relationship tester.

You also said you talked and decided you would “most likely” want to marry each other. This doesn’t seem like a definite, set in stone thing. You may scare him a little, just be prepared.

Post # 4
335 posts
Helper bee

Seems a little risky. Maybe say, “How would you feel if I bought the ring? I know what I like and I don’t need you to spend the money on me” … and see what he says. He might not like the idea…. if so, you can return it 🙂

Post # 5
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I definitely like to see women take control of their own situation, but this is coming off a tad pushy…

I hope he is totally on board and you two can start your wedding plans sooner rather than later.

Post # 6
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

While I did shop with my Darling Husband, he told me that buying an engagement ring was something he’d always dreamed about. And he’s not a big shopping kind of guy either.

Post # 7
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

  “We would most likely want to marry each other” is a risky premise to work off of.  

“I just don’t want the ability to buy a ring to stand in the way.”  you’ve already stated that he’s made large purchases in the past.    That doesn’t make any sense to me.


but good luck!

Post # 8
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I’m all for non-tradition, too. I asked my Fiance to marry me and then a month later found a ring I liked and bought it since he was a starving college student at the time. However, we were both 100% on the same page when said ring was purchased. I echo PP’s cautions that if he isn’t in the same mindframe as you, this could be a very dangerous thing to do.

A lot of guys are *really* into the idea of buying the ring and proposing. Even if they don’t like shopping most of the time… an engagement ring is kind of a whole other thing. I just hope that A) he isn’t disappointed and B) he doesn’t feel panicked/pressured. You said you won’t pressure him, but he may well interpret this as pressure (especially since you yourself said it was a sort of “test”).

Post # 9
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am glad that you are an empowered woman! I love that you are proactive and driven. I’m also a little more organized with finances and am the bigger-bread-winner in our home.

That said, it seems like you are having trouble trusting your boyfriend to make big decisions. Surmising that he doesn’t have the capability to shop and needing to test the relationship with a ring make me wary that he might not agree with your choice.

I understand that you only want to take the burden of the purchase off of his hands and to let him do it whenever he wants, but it seems a little too pragmatic to me.

Post # 10
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I am not sure about this either….It’s like you took away the opportunity for him to look for and purchase a ring for you.  Now he will not have that experience that most men get to have.  I know you said he doesn’t like to shop, but htis isn’t just about shopping, it the part of the whole proposal experience.

Obviously I don’t know him and you do, but from and outside prospective this is my take on it.

Good luck and keep us posted!



Post # 11
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If he made a large purchase for you in the past I don’t see why he couldn’t have done it this time. Have you given it to him? I am really curious as to what his reaction was/will be

Post # 12
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Hmm I don’t know what to think about this! My first response is: Good for you! If you know what you want and don’t feel the need to “wait” around for him to buy it and know he won’t mind, good for you for purchasing it.

I just hope he is as non-traditional as you say, because otherwise he may take it as you taking away part of his “masculinity,” or his special opportunity to buy the ring. Maybe it would’ve been better to openly look at rings together and then buy it? Either way, hopefully it all turns out well! Congrats on buying a ring!

Post # 13
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

“the Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been chatting about marriage, and we both decided that yes, we  would most likely want to marry each other”

This doesn’t sound to me like he is ready to have a ring in the picture yet.  “Most likely” isn’t the most convincing of terms.

Plus, as PPs have said, many men who don’t shop normally love having the experience of shopping for and choosing the ring for the one they love.  You’ve just taken that opportunity away from him without even knowing his thoughts on the matter.

Hope it works out how you expect.

Post # 14
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think this could work, but not for every relationship. I hope that he sees this the same way you do!

My Fiance and I shopped for my engagement ring together, so we both had input. It was a really fun and romantic experience for us!

Post # 15
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Let us know what he says.

Post # 16
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Good for you! Most of our guys were in the same position that you are in. (Not mine, he knew I wanted to get married like yesterday) There is no rule that says he has to take the risk, not you. Good luck, and I hope you get a yes!

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