Telling extended family they are not invited

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@S0InL0v3:  I am in a similar situatuion. FI and I wanted a very small ceremony and my Dad really wants his brothers and sisters there (he has 11 siblings)! But if we did that then we would have to invite my mom’s siblings and FI’s aunts and uncles and it would just get way out of hand. I felt bad but I had to tell my dad (just last night actually) that we were keeping the ceremony as is. I don’t think he’s upset but I know he would have loved to have everyone there.

Anyway, you can just have your mom explain to them that she was mistaken and you guys actually are just having immediate family. It is not about money (I had to tell my dad that too because he offered to pay for all the extra people as well).

Good luck!

Post # 4
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol


This is a PROBLEM that your Mother created…

Your way of “telling your Aunt” is merely by the fact that she won’t be getting an Invitation in the mail.

And at some point she is going to figure it out…

In which case one of 2 things will happen

(A) She will call Your Mother to ask what is going on… then your Mother will have to handle it


(B) She will be truly brazen / BOLD (running close to RUDE) and call you up personally… to inquire WHERE HER INVITE IS in which case you’ll get to say:

“Aunt Mary I am really sorry if My Mother led you on… it was not her place to do so.  We have said we were having a SMALL Intimate Wedding ** right from the beginning.  Unfortunately Mom didn’t listen very well… and she told people who we unfortunately cannot invite”

And that is it, that is all.

** NOTE – Notice I didn’t put in Family to the phrase “Small Intimate Wedding”… cause that would hurt your Aunty more in so much as she is Family.

As to Mom… you can forever keep repeating your vision of the Wedding… or you can stop sharing details.  If you are paying (and not her) then hostly you owe her very little in the way of knowing info, or having a say in things.  She is still your Mom, and the Most Honoured Guest at the event (vs being the Host if she was the one footing the bill)… but she’d still be a Guest.

Hang in there…

Guest Lists, Budget and “Other Peoples Expectations” can take their toll.

(( HUGS ))

Hope this helps,


Post # 5
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had a small wedding. I mean, bigger than yours – 38 guests- but thats still relatively small. Honestly… I just didn’t say anything. When friends/relatives/coworkers that weren’t invited brought up my wedding in conversation I just made it clear that it was really small and intimate. If someone asked about the planning I’d say something like, “oh its going well. Its such a small wedding that there really isn’t a lot of stress or anything” and things like that. I just found ways to sneak it in that its small, that way people didn’t expect an invite and they’d understand that it wasn’t personal.

People have small weddings for all sorts of reasons – they don’t like being the center of attention, they only want the closest people in their lives to surround them that day, to save money, etc. We didn’t choose to have a small one due to cost, but cost was kind of an easy scapegoat to use. “Weddings are so expensive! I can’t believe the cost!” I’ll be honest.. I used that excuse a few times. No one confronted me about not being invited or anything, I guess I just a little felt guilty about it.

Anyway, I LOVED having a small wedding and have absolutely not one regret about it. I would honestly have your mother talk to your aunt since she is the one that mistakenly invited her. Just have her nicely say that you’re having an uber small wedding and that she was mistaken about the guest list.

Post # 6
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@S0InL0v3:  You don’t have to tell someone they AREN’T invited…not getting an invitation does that for you.

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