Telling His Kids We Are Engaged: How?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
1287 posts
Bumble bee

Been through this. Sit them down and tell them together. Make it exciting for them.

NO!! Do not tell the EX.  it’s none of her business. My kids told their dad.  They told me when he got engaged and married.  I didn’t want to know, nor did I care.

Post # 4
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I totally  missed the post that you got engaged. Congratulations!!!

Being from a divorced family, I think you should just sit down together with them, and he can tell them you are getting married. It doesn’t need to be a big deal, just express your love for them, and each other, and that you want to spend your lives together. 

I think telling their mom is a nice thing for him to do but it depends on their relationship.

Post # 5
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@badabing88:  Firstly, I just want to say how excited I am that you are finally engaged!! I follow your posts all the time and kept my fingers crossed that it was coming soon.

I think the kids are old enough/at a good age to understand what’s going on, especially if you and your FI live together. If him and his ex split 10 years ago I’m sure by now the kiddos have a good grasp that Mom & Dad are not getting back together. Although your FI doesn’t think it’s necessary to tell their mother, I still think it should be mentioned to her just in case any issues come up (not that I think they will) with the kids. Does that make sense?

Post # 7
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Just make sure to do it together – my friend unluckily got to tell the kids mom about the wedding.  By herself because her FI was working late.  D’oh…

Post # 9
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@badabing88:  well, then I’d just let him do it his way. He should know best what is and isn’t needed. I highly doubt my dad called my mom when he proposed to my step mom but I can’t remember.

Post # 11
6674 posts
Bee Keeper

This information affects the kids they had together, therefore, IMO the ex has every right to hear it from your FI first.  I think it’s wrong on many counts to have to hear it from the kids. For one thing,  there could be valid reasons that the timing of this news should be discussed with the children’s mother.

Post # 12
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@badabing88:  I lived this as a kid. My Dad and stepmom sat all the kids down and told us together, frankly we didn’t really care. We were happy for them but it wasn’t a huge surprise stepmom had been around long enough.

My mom found out through us and I don’t think she cared that my Dad didn’t tell her personally. 

Post # 13
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@badabing88:  Mr. 99 called up his kids, said,

“Nona and I are getting married, pick out some nice clothes.”

….they said, “Yay!”

and that was it.

Post # 14
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My stepchildren were grown up and were totally thrilled to hear we were getting married at last! But we were careful to tell them all our children at the same time (my oldest son knew first because I needed to know when he was flying back from Utah before I booked the date of the wedding) and we also told DH’s ex-wife too. We get on well but thought it was considerate of her to know. In your case, because the children are younger and presumably being brought up by your FI and his ex, I’d give her the consideration of learning about your engagement from your FI rather than his children. Only I’m a great one for stopping drama before it has the chance to start!

Post # 15
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@badabing88:  hmm. The safest way is probably for your FI to tell them himself and then the 4 of you go out and do something fun to celebrate. That way if there is any unexpected reactions, it may easier to just have their dad there. 

As for the ex, my FI told his ex alone and before we told their son. His son is 4, we live together and have him 50% of the time so he doesn’t really care lol. We told SS together and his exact reaction was “ok. want to play ninja turtles with me?” We’re both on good terms with the ex and talk often though FI thought it best that he give her the heads up so we don’t put her on the spot. Since then, she’s been gushing about wedding stuff with me which is nicer than the alternative but also weird, weird, weird.  

Post # 16
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My Dad got engaged when I was 20, 8 years after seperating with my Mom. His now wife and him got together at my grandma’s place (my Dad’s Mom) and they both told all of us together.

I’ll let you know that it was a little strange at first. I guess I was a bit shocked even though they were planning on living together.

I don’t know his kids, but don’t be offended if they don’t jump up and down for you guys. And if they do, that’s a bonus.

Also, don’t tell the wife……

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