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we had the same feeling. we told all our assorted family members that we wanted to just go look at the venues ourselves, but that they would be more than welcome to visit them before or after we were there (we live out of town, so arranging a later visit together would be a little more difficult). I think everyone was ok with it since it really was just the two of us, and not one invited family member and not another. This process is about the two of you and your decisions, so they should understand.
if your parents are paying - i would tread lightly, however if they arent, its perfectly acceptable to request yall see it before the parentals do :)
Thanks eriqua, I should also have mentioned that I feel doubly awkward because they are paying for the food at the reception, so I always feel like I need to succumb to their whims, you know? I'm a very accomodating person, I just want to keep people happy and drama low. I don't want to make them feel unwelcome but hopefully they'll understand if we say we can go back with them the next day.
Just good to know I'm not alone in my feelings! And hey! another NY bride! Where'd you guys end up for your reception?
Yea spaganya, theyre paying (for some). But they have seen the places already. My mom has this tendency to "sell" stuff to me, and it makes me feel pressured and talked into things. That's part of the reason we'd like to go check it out for ourselves, I want to see if I get that "feeling" without her pushing me.
If there is a tackful way for you to say it (you know your parents best), I would tell them that while you appreciate their opinon you would like to visit the venues with just you and your fiancee first and you will take them back to the top choices to get their opinion. Then you can still have time to view them on your own without things being pushed on you but have them involved as well.
Easy- tell your folks that you want to look at a lot of venues to weed out the unsuitable ones and that you'll get all the info for them that they want and then they can visit them with you (solo or paired) or on their own. Call it the first pass and they'll appreciate the info. The only reason I want to spot out the venues is to gauge cost, parking, accessibility and ambience. The major thing in Pop's mind is cost... forget the ambience;-)
My parents are paying, too, and they definitely wanted to see the one we chose before we committed and that was definitely no problem.
We'll be at the Botanical Garden in the Bronx - we looked all over Westchester and the city if you're interested in hearing about any of the places we saw
If they are paying I think you guys need to let them come. Maybe you should discuss this a little more in depth with your FI.
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This seems really stupid, but these are the kind of things I freak about. So we're finally going home to check out venues, and FH said that he'd like us to visit our choices by ourselves first. My parents have already seen one of the places, and wanted to take us to dinner there. The other, my mom has seen but Dad has not so he wanted to go. I don't think FH request is unreasonable, since I think it would be good for us to feel unpressured and just be able to look around. My plan is to visit all these places, then meet them and go back to one of them for dinner. But I'm unsure how to approach this? "Sorry guys we'll see you later, and then we'll go back with you tomorrow"? I'm very awkward about telling my parents No in any way (or really, just talking to people in general). Is there a nice way to bring this up?
Thanks guys, I feel stupid for even stressing about this but I can't help it.