Post # 1
So I realize that at 11 weeks today I am way past when most people have told their parents. I really wanted to wait until 12 weeks but the timing just isn’t going to work our to see them in person for a couple more weeks so we have decided on Sunday. I have a doctor’s appointment Tuesday and am so scared of not hearing the heart beat and having to tell them. I’ve had two good ultrasounds so I feel a little better about that.
I am not someone who would want my moms support if something happened. She is a good person but is way too sensitive and would be more devastated than me and not capable of providing support.
Did anyone else feel this way or wait a long time to tell close family?
We told the in laws last weekend and I’m not super comfortable about that either.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I haven’t been in this situation yet, but I can empathize, when we are pregnant, we likely wont tell any of our immediate family until at least the 12 week mark. Both moms and sisters are more sensitive about it than we are, and would likely take it harder than us if something went wrong. I expect that the only person I will tell early is my best friend.
But then again, we also don’t plan on telling anyone (except my best friend) that we’re TTC when we start that either.
Post # 4
I waited to tell my parents until I was 13 weeks because at my second appointment they ordered me to have a special ultrasound done at a bigger hospital. By that time it was hard for me to tell my parents because I was nervous and not married and they didn’t quite like my boyfriend! But we did it and got it over with. The second pregnancy I told them the same time i told everyone else at about 15 weeks because I had more appointments than normal and more ultrasounds than a normal pregnancy.
Post # 5
@PatientBee: If you know that you wouldn’t want your mom’s support if something went wrong at your next appointment AND you’re intent on telling them in person, I would wait. There’s nothing wrong with waiting to tell them in person at about 14-15 weeks if that’s right for you.
Post # 6
@PatientBee: We didn’t tell my family until 11 weeks (when we saw them in person since they live far away) and only told DH’s parents early (at 8 weeks) because we were on vacation with them and I was not feeling well at all! We didn’t want them to figure it out on their own.
I wanted to wait until after our NT scan at 12 weeks but the timing didn’t work out. It all ended up being fine, but I understand your hesitation. We specifically asked people not to share the news until we okay-ed them to after the NT scan, but of course my mother went and blabbed about it on facebook (something we DEFINITELY were not ready to share with yet) 12 hours later! Luckily, we saw it right away and promptly had her remove it before anyone really saw.
Good luck and hope everything goes well with your next scan. I’m sure it will but I know the worry doesn’t really ever go away!
Post # 7
@sailor_girl: Thanks. I’m already worried my mom will be upset that we told the in laws a week ago so I don’t want to let it go longer. My in laws are leaving for another state this week and we won’t be seeing them again until June.
Glad to see I’m not the only one who waited though. I feel bad sometimes that I wasn’t calling my mom as soon as I got my bfp.
Post # 8
I didn’t tell my mom until 12+ weeks after my NT scan went well. I just didn’t want her to be involved if something went wrong, and we aren’t close so I didn’t feel like it was something I wanted to do.
I was comfortable sharing with a few close girlfriends, my sisters, and my in-laws though. It was all a matter of who we felt comfortable “un-telling” if things went badly.
Don’t feel bad or nervous about it. You don’t have to share the news before you are ready.
Post # 9
I’m not pregnant yet, but my husband and I have both agreed we would wait until 12 weeks to tell his parents when the time comes. His mom sounds like yours, she would be so upset if something were to happen and I just couldn’t handle having to deal with her grief too.
Just tell yourself you waited to tell them out of consideration for her feelings and feel free to tell her that too (unless she is sensitive about being so sensitive!)
Post # 10
I know how you feel. I really didn’t want to tell our parents about my pregnancy. I didn’t want to open the floodgates of unsolicited advice and overbearing attempts to be “involved”. I just don’t feel close enough to them to be interested in that level of interaction, and I knew it would stress me out big time.
We were getting together for my dad’s birthday at the 11-week mark. Like you and another PP, I really wanted to wait until after the NT scan which was scheduled for 12w1d, but it would have been hard to schedule another visit with everyone before the vacation we had planned later that month. So, I bit the bullet and shared the news but forbid them from telling anyone. They thought I was being paranoid and unreasonable, but they didn’t know that I’d had a miscarriage at 7w earlier that year.
I am due in 9 days, and I still have no clue how I will balance my desire for time to myself and/or with my husband and baby versus their desire to be around their grandchild a lot. We’ll see.
Post # 11
I am not pregnant yet, but we have both don’t want to tell anyone until I am at least 12 weeks. My mom sounds similar to yours – she is so emotional and just wouldn’t want to deal with her (or anyone) trying to be supportive, saying how sorry they were, etc. I would jsut want to move on…
I can understand why you would want to tell your inlaws in person and I am sure your mom will, too! Don’t worry about that! Good luck, I am sure they will be overjoyed with the news.
Post # 12
@PatientBee: My husband and I will be trying Novemberish next year. His response “I hope we get pregnant the first time so that we can tell our families at Christmas”. My response “Dear God no. I hope we don’t get pregnant until January and we won’t tell anyone until April”. I don’t want my parents or inlaws support. I think it is about control– pregnancy is scary and one of the few things you can control is telling people. It is a matter of how much you want people to know about what is going on inside of you. My parents and in-laws are not sensitive at all– they just are increadibly eager for us to have kids and the second I announce, everyone will know.
Post # 13
@PatientBee: We told everyone right away, but you know what? If and when I get pregnant again we are going to hold it in for as long as we can. Honestly, I think becuase we told his parents so early that’s why I feel so overwhelmed with everything…because I’ve been dealing with it since week 5 as opposed to, say, week 12 or later.
I think you made a good move by waiting. Wait as long as you can in my opinion.
Post # 14
I am 11 weeks also, and havent told any family. I guess we have to do it this weekend. I’m mainly waiting bc I don’t want unsolicited advice or opinions for as long as possible… Ugh I wish I could wait longer! I don’t want to hurt their feelings though. I’m perfectly content with it being our little secret for a couple of more days… It is so special!
Post # 15
@PatientBee: I almost told some family members one day before an ultrasound appt. because we were all out at a holiday dinner and it felt like the right time. I held off and was glad I did because there was no heartbeat. It may seem over cautious, but I wouldn’t tell anyone unless you wouldn’t be totally opposed to sharing bad news later. I’m so glad I waited. Telling people and celebrating one day earlier would have just added another layer of awfulness to the whole experience.
Post # 16
I totally know the feeling! I am 10 weeks and haven’t told my mom yet. I’ve only told my two closest girlfriends. There are three main reasons that I haven’t told her. One is that if I told my mom, DH would want to tell his parents. I love my MIL to death but this is not a secret she could keep! So I almost feel like it would be unfair to put her in the position to try to keep a secret like this! The second reason is that I lost my father over the summer, and I didn’t want to put her through any more heartache if something was to happen to the baby, so I really want to be in the clear when I tell her. And the third and final which is probably more like what you are dealing with is that while we are super close with some things, we aren’t with others. I have a really good relationship with her and talk to her multiple times a week, but I feel like pregnancy is one of the most personal and intimate things that can happen to you, and it wasn’t something that I really felt like I needed to share right away. Also if something did happen, I wouldn’t want her to be involved as part of my support system because she’s not great with things like that. So yea, totally get it! We will tell right about at the 12 week mark. It’s my MIL’s birthday and they will be coming over, so it will be a good opportunity to suprise her with some “grandma” gear!