Post # 1
Just wondering how you deal with other people giving their opinions for big decisions you make with your SO (or otherwise).
Darling Husband and I have made the decision to go ahead with a big purchase that we both feel we are financially ready for. We put a lot of thought into things like this. We told family just to let them know. We didn’t ask for their opinions and certainly never asked for permission. But we got very strong opinions on how crazy my parents think it is and giving us worst case scenarios that they think we should have thought about. (which we have, they just assumed we hadn’t)
It bugs me and I got really upset about it earlier. I was probably a bit too soft and I know its natural for people to think they know what is best for you but I wish it never happened. The ordeal has kind of tainted this fun experience for me.
I’m sure I’ll get over it but it’s pushed me to wonder how others deal with this type of thing. Do you tell people to butt out, ignore them, take their opinions into account when making decisions? This might help me later when we tell his parents. They don’t know yet and are very strong with opinions on decisions we make. They worry a lot.
Post # 3
I have struggled with this a lot in my past, and would get so discouraged by all the negativity and criticism. Finally, I learned to say “Listen, I am not asking for your permission. I am informing you of our choice. You can either be supportive or shut up”. Life has been A LOT better since.
Post # 4
My Dad is kind of like this, and when he gets on a tear about what I do or don’t do and weather or not he approves…I tell him his approval is neither desired nor required, but we’re always open to acceptance.
Post # 6
With my parents in particular, I usually bottle it up my feelings and then when they do come out it involves a lot of me yelling, crying, sometimes a cartoon like eye twitch. I would not recommend my method, but they do usually shut up after that.
But seriously, you’re already one step ahead since you expect his parents might object. So before you tell them think out some logical responses to what they might say. Then if they do say something you can respond in a clam, intelligent manner. Try to think of every possible objection they may have, and prepare a response. Planning ahead is a lot easier than coming up with something on the spot, especially since emotions can run high in these situations.
Post # 7
I’m definitely the type of person who does exactly what she wants.. However, if a lot of people or the majority are telling me something, then I take it into consideration.
Post # 8
I hate this kind of criticism too. To be honest, I just don’t mention the big purchases until after they happen so there is no room for criticism and the family trying to save us from a mistake. LOL.
Post # 9
I really don’t ever tell people stuff like this. It’s no one’s business how you spend your money. My ex told his parents about EVERYTHING he wanted to buy, and I never understood that–it’s his money, and he was an adult and didn’t really need his dad’s approval on it.
From now on, just smile and say “thanks!” and then ignore them.
Post # 10
I will say something like, “You might be right,” then do what I want. This is a magic phrase that gets people to shut up on many things. It also doesn’t tell them that you are wrong and isn’t dishonest, because there is always a 0.1% chance. 🙂
Post # 11