Post # 1
Hubs and I went back home this weekend as I organized a baby shower for my BFF, who had her little girl on Tuesday. We all hang out with the same group of about 10 or so close friends, so I was really excited to share our news after BFF’s shower (I didn’t want to steal thunder, etc.). She was really great about it – super supportive. We’re excited we get to experience things together 🙂
On the flipside, though, were my other friends. The reactions I got ranged from “Okay” to “… sigh. Really?”. I had told one of the girls ahead of time in a cute way, I thought – I told her we brought something back from my trip and I wanted to send her a photo, and I sent her a photo of my BFP (she’s one of my very close friends, wouldn’t share urine pics with just anyone). She proceeded to whip out the photo in the midst of the lukewarm response and make fun of me… as in “Thanks for this picture of your pee, Soonsoon! Nice! Who does that?”
I don’t know. Hubs is trying to keep my spirits up, but it’s hard when everyone was so excited about BFF’s baby, and now nobody really seems to care at all about us. In fact, I feel like they’re being borderline rude. I think I got my feelings across that evening, but still. It’s disapointing.
Has anyone else experienced this? I guess it comes with change…?
Post # 3
@Soonsoon: I think it depends a lot on your social circle, how are your friends? what life stage are they in?
If you”re one of the last of your group to have a baby chances are people are a bit like “yes been there done that, whatever…”
If all your friends don’t have kids, aren’t married and are still partying and climbing the career ladder then maybe they’re just not interested in babies.
I’m still very young but some of my friends are having children (they are all older than me) and to be honest it gets harder and harder to be excited each time. I mean every time someone announces they are pregnant I always smile and congratulate them and try and be very supportive but I must say my very close friends are nowhere near to having kids but the relathionship I have with my friends who have babies has changed a lot, I mean we are just in very different stages of our lives and I find it hard to be interested in their children.
Having said that having a baby is hard and stressful and I think that it really helps when people are excited for you so i always try to fake some interest and excitement, it costs me nothing and i know that it helps the future parents!
Post # 4
@walnutgirl: It is really nice to even just get a hug, to be honest. I guess the problem here is that my BFF and I are pretty much the only ones near having kids right now – she had the first in the group, I’ll have the second. The rest of our friends, while in their early thirties, are either single or aren’t planning on having kids now or ever. So I suppose that’s the challenge.
I guess the big problem is that this whole thing, while planned and exciting, still scares the heck out of me. I don’t need balloons, but I would like a “Congrats!” at the very least. Just a little support, even.
Post # 5
Oh man that sucks, I’d feel the same way.
If it counts, if any of my friends told me they were pregnant (no matter when/where they told me) I would be SOOOO excited!!
I don’t even know you IRL but I’m excited for you!!! 😀
Post # 6
Even if my absolute best friend showed me her pee on a stick I would be grossed out. It’s gross. The friends probably aren’t as excited for the BFF either. They prolly put on a happy face for her but aren’t feelin’ it. When you come along saying you’re also pregnant they are probably thinking this is a trend now, don’t like it, and are having a hard time faking it.
Post # 7
@Lyndzo: Thanks! I appreciate it 🙂 Yet another reason why I love the Bee…
@MrsBroccoli: Makes sense. 🙂
Post # 8
((HUGS)) Sometimes people just suck. I’m not even going to try to fanthom why they acted that way. I am in a similar boat with friends in their late 20s/early 30s. One other couple we know plans to try to get pregnant this summer. Everyone else is single and not even looking for a partner. So yeah, very similar lay out. The one thing I keep thinking is once the kiddo is in daycare or school they will have other little friends and I will meet their parents- so hopefully my social circle will expand through my kids to include other people in a very similar stage of life!
I would recommend you have a one on one with the girl you sent your positive test picture to- just tell her you shared that because you were excited and you THOUGHT she would be too. Tell her she hurt your feelings and you were feeling very vunerable because its your FIRST and its a lot to handle. Friendships last because people are honest when their feelings get hurt so the other person gains a better understanding of how that person works. If she’s a good friend she will appologize. I took pictures of my pregnancy tests too! FOUR of them all side by side, its not weird 😛
Post # 9
@Soonsoon: i think that your friends should make an effort to be excited! How far along are you?
My sister had the same problem as you, she had her son at 28 and none of her friends had children or planned on having them for a long time, also she announced her pregnancy very early (literally just after taking the test). She had been ttcing for some time and had told her friends and had names picked out and everything so when she told people she was pregnant no one was really tha excited, I mean they were just waiting for it to happen it wasn’t a surprise to anyone. Also she told everyone so early! Nine months are long and it’s even harder for most people to be excited for you for nine months, well actually eight. So excitement kind of fades after a while.
Post # 10
@Soonsoon: This stinks. Who responds to a pregnancy announcement with, “…sigh. Really?” That’s just… not nice. I can’t imagine not being excited for a friend who’s pregnant, regardless of where I am in my own life. In my book, any reaction short of tears of joy, jumping up and down, a big hug, or at least an all-caps email is lame.
I think friends who aren’t having babies yet may be secretly disappointed when their friends get pregnant, because they know it’s going to change their relationship, majorly. That’s still no excuse, of course.
Oh, and as for the photo of the pee stick? Totally normal & not at all gross, IMO. I would love to receive an emailed pic of this from a good friend. It’s not a picture of your pee, anyway — it’s the test result!!
Anyway, congrats on your pregnancy & a healthy 9 (10?) months to you! 🙂
Post # 11
Is it possible that they are excited for the actual baby of your friend, but weren’t excited for her pregnancy either? I mean, seeing a little baby in front of you is more aww-inducing than seeing a stick someone peed on. As someone who is not TTC for a LONG time, if ever, I have to really REALLY reach to fake a smile for my friends pregnancies. I don’t have to fake a smile as much when they actually have their cute little ones to play with. I’m sure they will be excited for your kid when it arrives too.
Does that make me terrible? Yea, maybe, or maybe we’re just in different places in our lives. I know my kid-having friends don’t get excited about my PhD milestones, they’re concentrating on their kids instead. Be happy that your and your DH are happy, and let the rest of your friends fall into place 🙂
Post # 12
To be honest, maybe a few of them are a tad jealous of your situation and so they’re reacting oddly to the situation. I have a girlfriend that was like that when we got engaged and married. Super rude because though my husband and I had been together long ‘They’d been living together longer’ and she was kind of pissed they weren’t married ‘first’ which is odd to me. She’s kind of made it clear she assumes she’s giong to be the ‘first’ to have children. I think she’s even skipping birth control on purpose without telling her fiance, it’s freaky! She told me and another girlfriend that she FOUND OUT was pregnant and had planned out how she was going to tell thier family and then SHE TOOK A TEST. I had to clarify, but yes. She said she found out she was pregnant before she took a test. Huh? I’m not sure she understands how this baby making thing works, haha. So, now that we’re expecting, even though they aren’t even married yet, I’m sure I’ll get the same response.
My advice, brush it off. Though it sucks, the joy you’ll have from this child is going to be so remarkable!!! So screw the people that aren’t going to support you, they suck anyway 🙂
Post # 13
@walnutgirl: I suppose I can kind of understand that. I had a friend who talked about getting pregnant all the time. They had the names picked out and everything and also told everyone as soon as they found out & though we were excited for her, I think everyone elses reactions were a little diluted because they had already heard so much about it… ALL THE TIME. hahaha
Post # 14
@Soonsoon: That’s absolutely terrible. I kind of agree with @nicannette: maybe you annoucing your pregnancy is reminding them that their plans or dreams aren’t on track. I had a lot of very dear people to me behave horribly around my engagement or wedding. They were exclusively people who were single or with a boyfriend that hadn’t proposed yet. It hurt emmensly that they couldn’t put their own issues to the side and just be happy for us (or at least pretend to be).
When I had baby fever but wasn’t TTC yet (because we weren’t yet married) I was thrilled for all my friends that annouced their pregnancies. I suppose it was because I knew my chance would come and I trusted my then fiance that things were moving in the right direction.
Please try not to dwell on their lack lustre responces. It was beyond rude but do not let it put a dampner on your amazing, fantastic, thrilling news!
Post # 15
@JaneDomani: Thank you for the hugs! I think I got my feelings across to her, but I’m still a little… hurt, I guess? It was just a very emotional, tiring day so that didn’t help. I’m trying to adjust my thinking to understand things a bit better, but still. But the support I get on here realy helps 😀
@walnutgirl: That’s a very good point. Hubs and I are 27, and I’m only 5 weeks along. I would have waited longer, but I really can’t keep good news to myself. It’s a disease.
@stillme: Thanks! The “…sigh. Really?” came from a guy friend who then accused me to stealing BFF’s thunder. So. Yep. Needless to say, I was wishing I was drinking something harder than Shirley Temples that night (though, I did rediscover them. Delicious! Haha)
@MrsWrangler: That’s great advice, thank you. I totally know that it’s a different path, and that we are all focusing on different things and have different focuses. I guess it’s hard to see past your own belly sometimes.
@nicannette: Haha I don’t doubt they’ll come around – but I like the attitude! Kind of like, the train is leaving the station – whether they’re on it or not.
I heard a really cute quote the other day… “Pregnancy is scary. The best thing to do is hold your husband’s hand, take a deep breath, smile and jump on the train.”
Post # 16
@Sea_bass: “maybe you annoucing your pregnancy is reminding them that their plans or dreams aren’t on track.”
I see this a lot on the boards, the implied jealousy of others who aren’t engaged/married/having kids/whatever – but she mentions that many of her friends are not planning on having kids ever, so I’m not sure that this is their motivation for disinterest. Mayyyybe the single friends are upset cause it’s not them, but the ones who don’t want kids probably just don’t care about other people’s pregnancies and aren’t jealous. Personally, some of MY friends who are pregnant/having babies get difficult to connect with because they want to talk about babies 24/7 and they may be dreading that happening – not that the OP does, but after spending a whole day celebrating one person’s baby adding on a second announcement in the same day may have just been shorted the polite enthusiastic response OP deserved. Hopefully they come around when (or ideally before) OP’s baby is born!