Telling your parents and in-laws

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: When did you tell your parents and PIL you were pregnant?
    Told parents as soon as we found out : (27 votes)
    16 %
    Told PIL as soon as we found out : (13 votes)
    8 %
    Told parents between 4-11 weeks : (36 votes)
    21 %
    Told PIL between 4-11 weeks : (39 votes)
    23 %
    Told parents at 12 weeks : (12 votes)
    7 %
    Told PIL at 12 weeks : (9 votes)
    5 %
    Told parents at 13 weeks + : (4 votes)
    2 %
    Told PIL at 13 weeks + : (5 votes)
    3 %
    Told parents and PIL at the same time during the pregnancy : (23 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I told my mom right away, and I told my in-laws at Christmas when I was seven weeks pregnant, but I waited to tell my dad until I was 13 weeks pregnant and more comfortable having people know about it.  Thank goodness I did, because he didn’t even wait five minutes after I told him to tell everyone he knew about it.  I was a little upset about it and haven’t spoken to him since.

    Oh, I forgot to mention that my MIL complained every week about not being able to tell people.

    If you really trust them, you should tell them, but otherwise wait until you are really ready for people to know.   The news belongs to you and your DH, so you should be able to share it with friends and family the way you want.

    Post # 4
    Member
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @crookedframe:  We told both of our families around 6 weeks at Christmas over video chat. I sometimes wish I had waited because it was stressful worrying if they were going to tell more people and my mom complained almost every day about how hard it was for her to wait to share the news. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    were not preggo or ttc just yet….but i have a firm decision that NO ONE outside of FI and I will know about the little bean until 12 weeks or i have an ultrasound in hand of seeing the little ones heart beat….miscarriages run strong in my family…and im just terrified of that….and so for me it will be about not having the pressure of everyone knowing till im ready….

    we also have for atleast the last year had an idea that when we finally are that i have a very special plan to tell both sets since we live closer to his and my family is a few hours away….and everyone will have instructions of no facebook posts or anything about it until we are ready and make the first post….

    just do it when you feel ready….

    Post # 6
    Member
    632 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We waited until 8 weeks. We had seen the heartbeat a few times on ultrasound at that point and also had big family events going on where it was a really perfect time to make the announcement. Otherwise, we might have waited longer.

    Post # 7
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    We told my parents at 9 and a half weeks after I had an ultrasound and got to see four arms and legs and a heartbeat. We will be telling my husband’s parents next week sometime, at around 12 weeks – they are kind of overbearing and I wanted to wait a bit longer. I feel a little bit bad about waiting, but, I trust my family to respect my privacy should something bad happen, and his family would be all up in my business. (And my husband agreed that it was better to wait with them, so it wasn’t just me dragging my feet.)

    Edited to add: we are currently living in a different country from our families, so it wasn’t hard to keep it secret since we aren’t having dinners together or anything. I just yesterday told most of my friends, at 11 weeks.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6067 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    My parents found out immediately, along with my DH! DH and I had just gotten off of the plane to visit my parents for xmas. I decided to take a pregnancy test upstairs, I couldn’t wait any longer. DH and my parents were in the kitchen downstairs. Once I got the positive sign, I ran downstairs like the wind screaming to them “I’m pregnant! I’m pregnant!”

    It was a great, spontaneous moment, and I’m glad it happened the way it did.

    We waited 3 more weeks to tell my in-laws for 2 reasons:

    1) We wanted to do it in person, it’s just nicer that way.

    2) We wanted to insist to them in person that they were not to tell anyone until I got into my second trimester! They are wonderful people but we were both worried they may not understand over the phone how important it was to us to keep this news tight until then.

    Post # 9
    Member
    518 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I think we told both of our parents around 8/9 weeks…we were just too excited. I was trying to wait until 12 weeks, but just couldn’t do it. We had actually already told some friends…we weren’t really planning on it, but it just kind of happened. 

     

    Anyhow, this is how we told our parents. We had this photo taken, wrapped it as a present, and gave it to them one day. My mom was hilarious. It was like she didn’t understand it until my dad said, “So, you’re pregnant?” Lol. 

     

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    3119 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We told my in-laws at 6 weeks on Christmas because it was too good an opportunity to pass up, although we were nervous. 

    I waited to tell my mom until a little over 12 weeks because she and I aren’t close and I didn’t want her involved if we had a miscarriage prior to then. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    I’m 4 weeks along and do not plan on telling them until Mother’s Day – when I would be about 15 weeks. I’m not having my first prenatal appointment until 12 weeks anyhow, and I want to have reassurance that this is a viable pregnancy first. I am not the sort of person who grieves well on a public stage, though, and I don’t trust that *everyone* who would know about it would be able to give the support I’d truly need (without flipping around positive-spinny comments, like, “At least you can get pregnant,” or “It’s simple — just try for another one!). 

    My stance is that if I’m not comfortable telling everybody relatively soon afterward, I’m not comfortable telling anyone. While I think my in-laws might be trustworthy in that regard, my parents are not.

    There’s also the fact that SIL and BIL will be in town when I’m between 11 – 15 weeks, and there are multiple reasons why I don’t want to announce then. #1: SIL is the queen of unsolicited advice, and since she’s already a MOM (TM), it will be never-ending. At least when she goes home, I can just delete the e-mail or make up an excuse to get off the phone without being a hostage to it. #2 reason is that I don’t want to hijack their return home. While most people probably wouldn’t see it that way, BIL and SIL are very attention-seeking. That and they want the chance to show off their child to a family that has only seen her a few times.

    If I had gotten pregnant in the early fall, I probably would’ve held off on telling anyone other than some of our coworkers/friends until about 20 weeks (Starting out a pregnancy with some “fluff” helps in that regard…). But, I’ll be 15 – 20 weeks from mid-May to mid-June, so there’s no hiding it that long. 15 weeks is about as long as I can probably go.

    We’re excited about this pregnancy, but don’t feel the urgency to go and tell everyone. I really like having *our* little secret.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @crookedframe:  Told my parents and in laws right away. I told my parents by putting a Big Brother shirt on our dog. PIL got a box with the pregnancy tests in it. I knew my mom would be able to support me if anything happened because she went through it 5 times before she was successful with me. We also told our siblings, but everyone else didn’t know, not even friends.

    If I could do it all over again, I’d wait 12 weeks or maybe even more to tell everyone, including parents, because telling them at 5-6 weeks when I knew was more difficult because it feels like I’ve been pregnant forever now with all the advice, questions, don’t do this or that, and you’re going to do it this way stuff.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3718 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We told them both right away. My mom found out first – by phone unfortunatly but we were in Scotland so there wasn’t much choice. We then told PIL as we were staying at their house – MIL knew that I’d had a miscarriage before as did my mom. Both are great at keeping secrets so we weren’t worried they’d spill the beans. This is the first grandchild for both sides.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We are not PG yet, but we are TTC, and I think we will tell our parents after we have the doctor appointment to confirm.  It just depends because I’d like to tell them in person, so depending on timing and such.  I have 3 girlfriends I will tell, and other than that, it will be kept secret until the 2nd trimester.  I’m planning on hiding it at work until I no longer can.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3828 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would probably tell my sister first right away (because i would want to borrow her “what to expect” book Lol!!) and then wait to tell our parents until we see the heartbeat. 

    EDIT: my friends would be told around 13 weeks and we would announce “publically” at like 20 weeks after the anatomy scan. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    We live far away from our families, so when we found out we kept the news to ourselves for about a week. Then I made a video with pictures of us holding positive tests, reading pregnancy books, and holding up signs that say “Soon to Be Mommy”, etc. The last one said “You’re going to be a…” and then had checkboxes for grandma, grandpa, aunt, and uncle. We called up his parents and had them watch the video while we were on the phone with them. It was awesome! Then we did the same thing with my parents, and then each of our siblings (my 2 sisters and his brother). It was early, and we made sure they knew to keep the news to themselves, but having had a prior miscarriage and not telling anyone, I knew I wanted their support even if things didn’t work out.

    Thankfully, we are 26 weeks today and all is well 🙂

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