Post # 1
Things are moving in Velveteen land… Mr V’s parents are coming down for a few days this coming week for his birthday, and he’s going to talk to them about us getting married (we would like their blessing and support, and any words of wisdom they have to offer, before getting engaged.
I always presumed he’d do it on his own but he says he’d like me to be there. He says they tend to be pessimistic, and we haven’t been together for long (4-6 months), so we’re anticipating they might be concerned about the length of time. (Though, they got married quickly themselves and seem to be quite happy, so that might work in our favour!)
Any advice about pacifying parental concerns, or presenting a good ‘case’? We’re not even sure how we’re going to bring it up in conversation! “So… we want to get married. What do you think?” Ha.
Post # 3
If you guys have already talked aobut the biggees in marriage–finances, children, careers, etc, then whatever questions they give you you should be able to answer no problem. If they start asking questions and you guys don’t know how to answer them, consider that, too. it seems as though parents with shorter engagements are more understanding when their children are in the same boat (at least judging from friends’ parents) whereas my mom would have smacked me =]. So i think you’ll be ok! If you’re having a long engagement, that may not hurt to bring up either
Post # 4
That’s a tough one. Be prepared for the you haven’t been together long enough speach. We were together 10 months before Dfi proposed and even though he had spoken to my parents ahead of time, my dad was less than thrilled and asked us to “take it slow”. Good luck! Go into it optimistic. Maybe they will surprise you!
Post # 5
you never know what will happen, so i wouldn’t freak out so much now. my ring is a family ring passed down in his family, my fmil wore it before me and apparently she tried to give it to my fi after we were dating only two months, and after that would always ask him if he wanted the ring! you don’t sound like they have any reasons not to like you, so maybe they’ll be happy if you guys are happy.
Post # 6
Hopefully you’ll be pleasantly suprised and all this stress will be for nothing but I agree with ejs4y8 and be prepared. I’m unsure of your ages but if you think that we’ll be an issue, expect to speak on that. Also religion could be a hot topic if that matters to parents so try to have all your ducks in a row. Show you care for each other by giving the occassional caress but not the full on innappropriate PDA. Let them know you’ve thought this through, that’s most important.
Post # 7
Good luck! ANd just like the others said, be prepared for a speech or two!
My FI and I were together for 3.5 years before we got engaged and we still had the “how are you paying for this” talk (we had both just graduated college) and several other “lectures”.
Keep in mind parents usually have your best interests at heart. Im sure once they see how head over heels you are they may greet you with open arms. 🙂
Post # 8
I don’t think there’s any reason to worry yet. It sounds like they have a lot of positive feelings about your relationship. Unlike my FILs: when FI called his mother to let her know that we were engaged, she said, “why are you calling me?” Heh, we’re eloping, wanna know why?
Post # 9
Expect that the first thing that may come to their minds after he tells them is “are they pregnant?”, and until that unspoken question is dealt with, they won’t hear much else of what is said. Sure they’ll have concerns, but that’s their job as parents. If you’re planning on an engagement period, let them know this decision is about making a commitment, not about rushing into marriage. Most of all he should let them know how happy and in love you two are and how important their support is. Good luck!
Post # 10
Has he told you about his parent’s love story? I think that if you are worried, linking yours to theirs might remind them what it felt like to be young and in love. At the end of the day their concerns are because they love their son and they want to make sure he is happy. If they do not know you well, they might be nervous, so do not give them any reason to worry!
Post # 11
My Fi and I were together for a year and half before he proposed, and his parens were thrilled even though he’s 19 and I am 20. My Parents were pretty happy as well. YOu never know what will happen, good luck!!!
Post # 12
How long are you planning for your engagement? DH and I were together for 2 years at age 20 and 21, and our parents weren’t very worried because we were planning on a 2 year engagment, putting us both at 23. If you’re engaged for a while, it might make it easier!
Post # 13
Awesome guys, thank you.
@ejs4y8 – we have everything (even our parents’ retirements, haha!) pretty well covered, we could both speak well and in accord of any aspect of our futures we’ve been able to conceive. We’d probably have an engagement of about a year, which isn’t ages I suppose but it’s certainly not a rush to the altar.
@RAllise – I’m 23 and he’s turning 24. So, while we’re not young they could potentially want him/us to ‘enjoy life’ and ‘get out there’/do our own things for longer before settling down (not that we’re planning on having a boring or staid marriage!). Haha I was going to say “Luckily his parents aren’t religious” – but that’s putting a negative spin on it considering that WE are! But it shouldn’t be a problem.
@MsPeanutButter – you mean pay for the wedding? Hmmm. That’s a good point, I hadn’t thought of them asking for that. My parents have said they’ll give us $5k each, so I guess if his don’t want to financially contribute we’ll still be okay. I’m in my last year of study and he’s in his first year of working so neither of us are wildly flush but will have saved a wee bit in a year’s time.
@ShellyT – oh my gosh!! I think I would burst out laughing if they asked that, I’m so glad you pointed that out!
@Gator – he’s hopeless at knowing family stories 🙁 But I know the basic outline. I would love it if I can get them to tell me themselves, I LOVE stories 😀
I knew the WB ‘girls’ would know the right things 😀 I feel a lot better now. I’m going to hope for the best and prepare for the worst… I’m sure it will be fine. Thanks!!