Post # 1
I’m looking for honesty here.
While in the waiting room at the doctor I was skimming through some magazine and came across the article that Mauricio (Kyle Richards) husband allegedly made the comment and i’m paraphrasing here” I’m married but i stray from time to time” as he took a lady’s number and gave her his. After my initial horror and outrage i started to ponder fidelity.
What keeps people from cheating (married or not)?
I’m sure we ALL get tempted at some point in a relationship/marriage, clearly some people take the plunge and cheat…but WHAT keeps the rest of us from cheating?!
Is it because even if you do come across someone interesting and you are tempted you are satisfied in your relationship so you just don’t cheat? What if you weren’t satisfied? Is it because you don’t want to hurt your partner? Is it because you don’t want to get caught? Is it because it’s too difficult and too time consuming to pull off?
This is simply a post with a poll to satisfy my curiousity as to how people think. So, be honest please if you can and tell me; what has kept you from cheating if you have ever been tempted.
Post # 3
What keeps me from cheating is the love of my Fiance and I wouldnt want to hurt him given his history of being cheated on. It would completely devastate him and I wouldnt want to be the one who would inflict that kind of pain.
I am older and I have been cheated on and have done the cheating when I was younger. When you find that special someone it is their feelings you think about and for me I am not interested in any man just him. I see attractive men everyday I am so not attracted to them.
Post # 4
I have been cheated on and I have also cheated. I agree with @niasg1: that when you are with the right person you care so much about their feelings that cheating just doesn’t even cross your mind. I work with almost all males and while I find some attractive, it never even crosses my mind to do anything with them.
Post # 5
@niasg1: this is how I also feel:)
Post # 6
The more I ponder it, the more I’m thinking that one would only “feel tempted” to cheat IF something were lacking at home…
Certainly, if everything were satisfactory with your SO/DH/FI then there would be no need to feel tempted by anyone else, right?! No matter how handsome, charming, funny, intelligent said tempting person is.
BUT then, if you are feeling tempted then perhaps that should be a signal that something’s missing in your current relationship. I’m guessing by the time the person really feels and realizes the temptation to cheat it’s already too late and they are already well on their way to cheating whether physically or emotionally even if they haven’t acted on it yet. I can only imagine that MAYBE after being with a person for a very long time and the routine of it all then MAYBE boredom would kick in with your current SO/FI/DH that may make other persons “appear” tempting, but even then, loyalty and fidelity should overide not necessarily the temptation but overide the acting on it by cheating.
After reading the article I’m thinking even him giving out his number is like cheating. Because even if nothing happened between them, it was about intent.
Actually cheating in real life is worse than realizing that you are tempted to cheat, or is it?!
Post # 7
For the record, I’ve been cheated on AND i’ve cheated; I was young and selfish, I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, so I did.
Hey, every saint has a past and every sinner has a future 🙂
Post # 8
What keeps people from cheating is caring about their partner, and not wanting to betray them and their relationship. Actually giving a damn about the other person and the relationship with them keeps them from cheating. As you can tell, I am very strong ly AGAINST cheating. Morally, religiously, in general I could NEVER do that to Fiance, never have done it, never will, and have never done it to any previous boyfriends, never even considered it.
Post # 9
@Happy Hopeful Bee:
“BUT then, if you are feeling tempted then perhaps that should be a signal that something’s missing in your current relationship.”
i don’t agree. Temptation is often rooted simply in attraction, and people do not go blind to other potential partners just because they’re in a committed relationship. It’s normal and perfectly okay to feel attracted to someone other than your partner; it’s not okay to act on those feelings, lead the other person on, or dig yourself into a hole from which you can’t escape. Temptation in many cases is just our human biology at work.
Treating a feeling of temptation as a sign of problems in the relationship can cause unwarranted stress, over-analysing, and over reactions which in turn can cause conflict in the relationship. It’s just like how if I’m tempted by chocolate cake, it doesn’t mean that I’m un satisfied by my healthy diet; it just means chocolate cake looks good! And if I walk away without sampling the cake, then there’s no reason to analyse my diet. If anything, I should give myself credit for sticking to my commitment. And there’s an awful lot of chocolate cake out there (and lemon cake, pie, cookies….). I’ve not magically become unaware that it exists. If I can feel a little temptation now and then, it’s totally normal and no indication that anything is wrong, even if I’m putting it in my shopping basket. As long as I put it back !
Post # 10
We have definitely found the men who are our equals because we cheated for different reasons then men or should I say I cheated for a different reason. I cheated because I felt that he was not giving me the emotional stimulation that I needed to hold my interest.
Post # 11
@fishbone You made me LOL, good point! Nicely said.
ETA: I see attraction and temptation as 2 different things. To me an attraction to someone is something completely different to actually being tempted to cheat on your partner with them!
Post # 12
I’ve cheated. I was caught. It was the worst experience of my life. I was young and stupid and made a mistake — once a cheater is not always a cheater. I will never do it again because not only did it hurt him, it hurt me and I was wracked with guilt for years.
I do not put myself in those situations anymore. Even though I was in high school, I learned my lesson and it is one I will never repeat. I’ve endured my guilt, I have made my amends, and I can truly say it’s something that won’t happen again.
Post # 13
As someone who was married the first time for over 20 years, and stayed faithful… here is my take on the whole thing.
To look, to think about (fantasize) … to maybe even feel tempted… these are all normal emotions. BUT to actually DO something that puts you into a whole other realm.
That is out-right DOING SOMETHING that is disrespectful to your mate… be it “emotional” cheating, a kiss… or the whole enchilada.
And to me that is dishonest… whether you are a relgious person or not.
I could NEVER do that to someone so blantently… someone who loves me. I may as well take out a knife and rip out their heart.
IF you get to the point that you are that unsure about your relationship, then you need to go get some counselling.
IF it goes beyond that, then you need to come clean.
As hard as it would be… if I felt my marriage (or relationship… in that I don’t believe in EVER Cheating) was over… then I OWE THAT to my partner to let them know I’ve had a change of heart.
Close the door on one… before you move onto the next one.
As someone who has been thru the pain of Divorce, I can say I distinctly KNEW when my Marriage was irretrevable… and that is the day I took my rings off. And called it Quits. Permanently… and didn’t look back (I didn’t have to, having spent over a year in Reflection, Counselling, etc. I had given it for sure my best shot)
So for the record… MY VOTES went:
# 1, # 2, # 3, # 4… and the last one.
Hope this helps,
Post # 14
@Happy Hopeful Bee: We all do things when we are younger that we wouldnt do now. I must confess when I was younger I was not the type that ever had regret about anything. I am so analytical that I think it about and whatever the decision is good or bad I am going to do it and not feel bad about.
Thank God for maturity…hahaha
Post # 15
@Happy Hopeful Bee: I’m frequently tempted to rob a bank. I like free money! But that doesn’t make me a bank robber 😀
Post # 16
@niasg1 Touche! Maturity 🙂