Post # 1
okay so my FI’s aunt was just moved to hospice care last week. she is terminally ill with cancer. we haven’t spoken to her in over a year if not more. my MOH/sister-in-law will be going to visit her on saturday (FI can not handling visiting her even tho i wish him to). she does not know we are getting married and i want to make sure she knows before she passes (we plan to honor her at the wedding) since i have already made up the STDs and sent some out i do have a spare one. i wanted my MOH/SIL to bring one with her on saturday but she refused saying she thinks it morbid.
how can i tell his aunt we are getting married without reminding her she wont be there (in body)
is there a wedding annoucment we can use? is a STD innapropate? please help bees
Post # 3
I think an in-person visit is the only appropriate way to go about this. I think since you’ve not spoken in a year or more that having someone hand-deliver an invitiation is pretty cold; at a minimum you should call her but a visit would be far better.
Post # 4
The most suitable way to honor her would be to visit her while she is alive. It would seem rather hypocritical to honor an aunt he hasn’t seen for over a year and won’t visit while she is in hospice care.
I would encourage your FI to get over himself and go visit his aunt. Take the STD to show her and talk about the wedding.
Post # 5
Just visit her, tell her you’re getting married, and give her an invitation.
Post # 6
i have already asked him if he wanrts so go see her and when i tried to make plans he pretty much begged me not to make him go. i dont want to be the person who forced him to go when he wasnt emotionally okay with it. both him and my SIL have had alot of trauma and death in their lives as children. he tends to act like nothing is gong on and i know thats not the wayto go. he will be working on saturday so he wont be able to go. i am able togo for a short time as i will be babysitting my SILs autistic 5 year old.
Post # 7
My dad was terminally ill with cancer, and I still sent an STD to his house.
I brought my laptop home one trip and showed him photos of me trying on my wedding gown (I since have a different dress but oh well) – the gown he’ll never get to see me in ever. He died 3 weeks ago.
I say go ahead and share the STD with her.
Post # 8
I know this is hard, and it feels like you’re reminding her of something she’s going to miss, but it also might give her a lot of comfort to be included, and to be reminded that life will go on and there are still reasons to celebrate and rejoice. Terminal illness is never easy, but one of the blessings it brings is that it gives people time to prepare for their own passing, and knowing that the world and their families will go on after they are gone is often a source of peace. You should go visit in person. You will be glad you did, and if you miss the chance to do so, you will regret it afterward.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
My great-aunt has Alzheimer’s. I’ll be sending her and my great-uncle an “announcement” of sorts- a wedding photo with a card. She still remembers my Mom, but this card might not mean anything to her.
If I had the opportunity to tell her in person before her illness set in like this, I would have driven to Georgia in a heartbeat. FI’s aunt will probably view your announcement as a blessing.
Post # 10
@sparrow02: Yes, pelase don’t pressure him into visiting when doesn’t feel up to it. Death and terminal illness are difficult to process for a lot of people. It’s not about “getting over himself.” A lot of people just use denial as a coping mechanism and that’s okay. If he doesn’t visit her, he very well may have regrets about it, but sometimes regrets are easier to deal with than putting yourself in that position. When you visit, bring the STD and tell her about the wedding when the ‘what have you been up to’s come about. And let her know that you FI couldn’t get out of work and is thinking about her and send his love, that sort of thing, that way she knows he’s thinking of her. 🙂