Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2018 - Sandals Barbados
Hey Bee’s 🙂
So I am just here to rant and get some feedback about my chaotic situation and friendships I feel like I’ve ruined. My FI and I had planned this very large outdoor wedding for August 2013 for around 160 people, had purchased the perfect dress, paid lots of money for food, venue, photographer. My father was diagnosed in October with terminal lung cancer (extensive stage), and while consulting with his team of physicians, his life expectancy was 6-12 months. At the time, I lived 2 hours away from my father, and 1.5hour away from the hospital he is being treated at. My fiance and I decided to use our invested wedding money by remodeling a house that I inherited, which put me only 30 minutes away from my father and 15 minutes from the hospital. At this point, we have put thousands (around $11,000 including appliances) into the house, have no wedding money to move forward with, and a very sick Dad, so I talked with all of my bridesmaids about holding off the wedding until further notice. All but one bridesmaids told me I was being self centered, and wasn’t thinking about their needs based on the wedding. I was called a “terrible bride and friend.” So after getting my feelings walked all over WHILE dealing with my dying father, my fiance and I decided to move the wedding up to April 27, at the beach with immediate family. I extended an offer to all bridesmaids saying I will send them a check for purchase prices of their dresses. I was then called “a horrible bride,” and one of them hasn’t spoke to me since. Chances are my father will not be here much longer past the April wedding, and it is so emotionally draining. We moved the wedding because I can’t picture getting married without my Dad. He was a single father and raised two children, and we couldn’t be more grateful for how hard he worked to provide for us. I feel like everyone around me (friends) are being very insensitive about the situation. I have gotten so much negative feedback about eloping with immediate family (there’s about 15 guests attending). I am not second guessing, or doubting my decision to move the wedding up and strictly limit guests, but I just want support and for people to understand.
Aside from the lack of support (my fiance and in-law’s most definitely support this) from friends and what would have been wedding guests, I am wondering if I should try to reach out and fix things with the bridesmaids that ditched out on me. Is it worth it to repair a friendship when they were insensitive to my special situation and special day? What’s your opinion?
Post # 3
@nma214: *Hugs* to you and your dad. Good on you for moving your wedding for your dad, and big thumbs down to the selfish bridesmaids. Your wedding is about YOU (meaning you and your fiance), not them.
I wouldn’t give them a second thought until after your wedding. Spend time with your father, your family, and your one understanding bridesmaid. Perhaps in a few months, reconnect, but at the moment you have too much going on, and you only want to be with people who will support you.
Post # 4
@nma214: I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. 🙁 I don’t understand why the BM are reacting this way and being so insensitive to your situation… Seriously, what needs to they have on YOUR wedding day? You even offered to pay them back for their dresses…
Enjoy your wedding and the special day with your dad. Personally, if i was in that same situation… I wouldn’t want to even bother with them again. I would expect an apology instead
Post # 5
Your reason for have a small wedding with family are 100% understandable sham on your BM for not being supportive. Spending time with your Dad now is the most important thing. You have done the total right things with moving closer to him and moving your wedding so he will be there. Believe me in the future this is what you will remember not about your selfish BMs.
You have more important things to focus on now then trying to fix things with your BMs hopefully they will come to thier senses soon.
I sadly lost my Dad to cancer only 5 weeks ago and not a day goes by that I do not think of him or the weeks and months leading to his end. You have a hard road ahead but enjoy the time with your Dad and let those willing to support you help.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry about your dad 🙁 **hugs** And I’m sorry your BM’s are being bitches. Seriously. Shame on them for being so incredibly selfish and cruel. You, my dear, are in the right. You’ve done all the right things in this situation. They should be ashamed of their behavior. If I were you, I wouldn’t reach out to any of them; real friends would never, ever treat someone like that. **super hugs**
Post # 7
What an awful thing to go through, I’m so sorry about your dad. Your bridesmaids are the completely insensitive and are the ones being bad friends.
Enjoy your wedding, spend time with your dad and your supportive friend. After the wedding and when you are ready to handle things I’d rethink the friendship with these other women. It was very nice of you to offer to pay them for the dresses. They are behaving absolutely horribly.
Post # 8
@nma214: Shame on your bridesmaids for even making you give this a second thought. You’re in a place where you need the love and support of EVERYONE around you, and they’re giving you the exact opposite.
Get through today. And tomorrow. And your wedding. And what comes after. And then decide if you’re in a place to have them in your life. When you are, sit down with each individually, explain what their words and actions did to you, and how they made you feel. They need to understand that this isn’t how grownups treat each other.
So many hugs to you and your dad, and I hope you have a beautiful, amazing wedding day. Please keep us updated.
Post # 9
I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I agree with all pp and think you should not worry about it right now. They say you find out who your real friends are through crisis, it’s a sad truth. After the wedding and everything if you miss them and feel like you can get past it, then reach out. If they still are acting this way, you are deserving of better friends. It’s not fair to yourself to keep people like that in your life. Hope you get some reconciliation and support.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
Go have the wedding of your dreams with your dad by your side and forget about them witches. Now you know what they are made of you dont want their “support” when things go wrong. youre better off without them.
You are obviously a very nice person, I would have told them about themselves as soon as they called me horrible
Post # 11
I am so very sorry about your dad. I am also very sorry that your BM’s (except the one) have decided to be cold and heartless. EVERY ONE OF THEM should be stepping up to be there for you.
You have done nothing wrong here. Well, if you call being a daughter who puts her father before a fancy party heinous, then, geez, I guess you are horrible. (insert serious sarcasm here)
Cut your ties with anyone who isn’t supporting you on this. You owe them no apologies. Send each girl a check for her dress as that is the proper thing to do. Then keep the one who supports you as a friend, and dump the rest.
I seriously can’t fathom so many people being so unkind to you. I have been in your shoes more than once and this is a tough road to travel.
Enjoy your time with your father. Enjoy your wedding. I hope you know that you have made the right decision and have been let down by a lot of people.
I hope your wedding day brings you and your father great joy.
Post # 12
You have nothing to feel bad about. Your bridesmaids are the ones who have a problem.
Post # 13
@nma214: *HUGS* Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for what you’re doing. You are not being selfish or a “bad bride,” your bridesmaids should be moew understanding of how difficult this time is for you. My FI and I were in the same position when my dad was diagnosed with leukemia (we lost him very suddenly a few weeks later), and my FMIL was the one who made a scene about it, saying it wasn’t fair to her. Two months later, FFIL was diagnosed with cancer and we ended up delaying our wedding for almost a year and half while dealing with all the loss. Your bridesmaids should be happy that you have a chance to include your father in your wedding.
Post # 14
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad 🙁
I can’t help but wonder if we are missing part of this story, because it seems beyond cruel and heartless for your BM’s to be giving you such a hard time about this, knowing what’s going on with your dad? Do they not know about your dads illness or something? Not that that makes their behaviour acceptable, but maybe it makes more sense. Because otherwise I just can’t imagine how they could be so selfish and mean.
Post # 15
I’m very sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis, I’m glad you decided to move your wedding up, I’m sure your dad appreciates that so much.
As for your “friend” I give her a big FUCK YOU. Your dad is dying and she’s calling you selfish and names? I’d send her a check for any money she invested in the wedding for a dress etc and a note telling her that she is a heartless bitch and to enjoy the rest of her life and NEVER speak with her again. I cannot believe the nerve of this woman!
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2018 - Sandals Barbados
LOL some of yall’s replies have truly made my day! Thank you all so much for understanding.. it’s such a warming feeling! My poor wedding has been put to the test, that’s for sure. I am so appreciative to have other bridal support.. knowing that some of you would have made radical changes in order to have certain family memebers attend.
It’s been really difficult to go through this without my bridesmaids. The one that supported me is coming to the wedding and I am so thrilled to have SOMEONE by my side. While it’s an “elopement,” traveling 5 hours to the beach makes me nervous I’ll forget EVERYTHINGG at home. So it’s truly a relief to have someone to help me make a list and pack. Obviously I cared deeply for the other women in my wedding party to ask them to be part of such a special day, but sometimes I really wonder if it’s worth trying to piece together a friendship when I have seen these “true colors.”
Have any of you women had horror stories with bridesmaids? These are all grown adult women, so it’s not like I am/was dealing with junior bridesmaids or something. I know I can’t be the only one that had bridesmaid drama! And you know, prior to this whole situation, these women were my very best, close friends in everyday life. We would talk often, get lunch or dinner once a week or so, double date on the weekends.. I really expected these women to pull through for me. *sigh*
My dad doesn’t know we moved the wedding up because of him, and I don’t think I will tell him so. He is having lots of denial about how serious and terminal his disease is, so by doing so, I think would make him feel guilty. For all he knows, we were “too broke” to have our big wedding in August 😉 He is just as excited to put on his suit and boogy down with us after dinner.. so I don’t see any harm. Opinions?
What are your opinions on receptions? We still want to celebrate our marriage with many extended friends and family, but we don’t know how to approach it. Maybe late this summer? Would I still send out a “reception only” invite?