- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
After five years in a relationship, four and a half of those living together, one and a half years in a home we built together, and one and a half years of dog co-ownership, my SO finally proposed three weeks ago, just a couple of days after the birth of my nephew (on his due date, actually).
A magical and wonderful time for my family? Well, almost. My mother is in a hospice suffering from a terrible, horrible, brutal form of cancer.
Engagement had been a contentious issue between us. The C-Word has affected our family for over two years and we have suffered terribly watching what my Mum is going through. I know he was partly trying to just be ready to propose (hey, it takes some guys a while to be ready), waiting for a good time where I wasn’t an emotional wreck, trying to find a time where it wouldn’t look like he was doing it just because of what was happening to my family.
Well, I suppose he finally realised that a good time wasn’t coming, and that missing the opportunity to tell my mother that we’d get married would be something for which I’d probably never forgive him, and he might not ever forgive himself.
She’s that sick and unstable (never know how she’ll be from day to day) that a rush wedding isn’t worth it. It would be pressure on her to even be able to participate. Believe me when I say this is a horrible, horrible disease. She can’t eat, she can’t speak, she can’t hold her head up, and we are facing a very real possibility that she won’t just slip away, but could die very suddenly – in seconds or minutes – if her fast-growing tumour grew the wrong way (it is in an extremely delicate location).
So, I have my Mum now, but I won’t have her at my wedding, which will probably be in June. I am showing her photos of the stones I have chosen for my engagement ring – maybe I’ll even get to show her the finished product if she’s still here in three weeks. If I get to try on dresses and show her the photos, that’ll be wonderful. If I can tell her what venue it’ll be, that’ll be great too (hoping to narrow that down in the next week or two). I’ve asked her if she has a favourite poem or reading I could have read in the ceremony (she can communicate in writing now).
But she won’t be there.
Wondering if anyone out there knows how I’m feeling and has any words of wisdom to share.