- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
So, I realize this is going to sound awful, but here goes…
Fiance and I are unsure if we want to TTC, though we know we want children. (We plan on fostering/adopting children between the ages of 5-16… Fiance has done work in youth ministry and knows how to handle troubled teens, so we’d definitely be open to teenagers. Please don’t try to talk us out of it because it is a very strong possibility for us). Anyway, I was pregnant in college and had a MC and it was terribly devastating (obviously). Maybe that’s why I’m terrified, but I don’t want to be pregnant again (I was constantly sick to the point of not being able to get out of bed and had to leave school, only to lose the baby) and I keep going back and forth on having/caring for a baby, in general. (I wish I could give birth to an 8 year old – that would be my ideal situation). Also, I have health issues that make me question if I would be able to care for a baby without the help of Fiance and/or a nanny.
Fiance has been amazingly accepting of everything and said we can do whatever I want – have our own baby, foster/adopt, or both. I finally thought we were making some progress in discussing/deciding our future with kids. However, I had this terrible dream last night:
Fiance and I bought our first house together and got the key. We were so excited and immediately went inside to find a newborn baby in the house. (Yes, I found the baby). I began to take care of the baby and Fiance said we should try to find the mother and I shouldn’t get too attached. However, I quickly did. I was sitting on the couch, holding the baby one minute and the next minute I was holding the baby in this dark, dingy basement-like room. It looked like something out of a horror movie. Then, a blonde woman about my age appeared and walked toward me. She said ‘That’s my baby’ and reached out for the baby. I reluctantly handed the baby to her and she turned to walk away and I followed her up to what I assumed was her apartment. I even followed her into the apartment and it seemed like she didn’t even notice I was in the room with her. I watched as she set the baby down and wrapped it in a blanket, swaddling it. Then, suddenly, she began using the blanket to suffocate the baby until it couldn’t breathe and died. I just watched helplessly.
The last part was the most disturbing part of the dream. I told Fiance about it and he seems to think it was a manifestion of my fears and assured me that I’ll be a great mother.
What do you Bees think? Anyone into dream analysis and could help me out? Was anyone having doubts about becoming a parent? Any advice is welcome. Thanks In Advance.