Terrible fight with SO

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

How old are you, how long have you been dating, and didn’t he break up with you when he said you should just be friends? That’s how I would take a comment like that.

Post # 3
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Someone who disregards how you’re feeling like that literally does not care about you. 

Post # 5
Member
1384 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Uh, DTMFA. I’d venture to say that’s emotionally abusive of him, to invalidate and silence you like that. I’m sorry. 🙁

Post # 6
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

He sounds like he’s 17, not 27. I wouldn’t stand for a man talking to me like that. 

Post # 7
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

That sounds terrible!!! And not at all like how you should be treated. People who care about each other want to make sure the other person feels listened to and respected — it sounds like he just wants what’s convenient and easy for him. That would be unacceptable to me. And tossing around comments like “maybe we just shouldn’t be together then” or “maybe we should just be friends”? Completely not okay. 

Is this a relationship worth salvaging, if you feel disrespected and not heard and unable to calmly express your needs without being yelled at and him tossing breakup threats around? Are things between you two good other than this, and do you see a long-term future with him? 

Post # 8
Member
4310 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This is not how a 27 year old should be acting.  I would talk to him very seriously.  Look him in the eye and tell him you are not feeling heard and you need that in order to make this relationship work.  He is treating you like crap and he isn’t putting your feelings into account — that is a big, big deal, and something that should not be ignored.

Post # 9
Member
823 posts
Busy bee

Wait wait…so you tried to express your feelings about not being heard…he wouldn’t listen to you, got angry, left, returned to apologize and never actually heard you express your feelings?

So he proved you 100% right?

At some point in every relationship, a couple will disagree.  The question is whether you can resolve your problems in a healthy manner.  Your SO was dismissive, aggressive and disrespectful AND you never actually addressed the problem.

If I was you, I’d take him up on just being friends.  Except I don’t even see why you need a friend like that in your life.

 

Post # 10
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

This sounds incredibly immature, and borderline abusive. I honestly wouldn’t stay with a person like this, though I have experienced a relationshipjust like it. I think you should try to talk to him one more time – this time about that outburst and how disrespectful and hurtful it was. If he won’t stop to listen or pulls that “sacrifice” or “suck it up” crap, leave. If he doesn’t pull that card, but doesn’t change or has another temper tantrum, leave. A 27 year old should be able to communicate and treat you with the respct you deserve.

Post # 11
Member
4808 posts
Honey bee

chelsey89 :  Honey, I think you know you deserve better right? You deseve to be heard and respected in your relationship – you are getting neither. He clearly doesn’t want to make changes so save yourself and dump his ass.

Post # 12
Member
827 posts
Busy bee

Bye, dude.

Doesn’t matter that he apologized, in my opinion. Do you want that to be your life? Because it will be.  Not only will you feel unheard, now you’ll walk on eggshells and not say anything because when you do you’ll be afraid he’ll threaten to break up and storm out.  That’s not how loving, committed adults handle their issues and it appears he is none of those things – neither loving nor committed nor an adult.

Post # 13
Member
4340 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Have you had fights before where he’s held your relationship hostage? 

Post # 15
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I used to have these sort of fights with my then boyfriends when I was a teenager xD

Please, do not fall for him and his honey words. You deserve to be listen to, heard to, paid attention to. If he is unable of doing so, there is no reason for you to stay…or do you really want to always have to suck it up

Don’t care for how much he apologizes or tells you he loves you. Words are just that, words, what he should be doing is proving to you that he means each and every word -which he won’t do. He regrets treating you that way? Then he should sit down and listen to you, hear you, pay attention to you. Not just apologize everytime he breaks up with you :S

You are 27. Do not waste your life and time in a teenager’s relationship.

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