Terrible First Christmas: Need Advice

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee

I think that’s childish and selfish of him, TBH. If you agreed on a budget, then why be angry when you stuck to it? I wouldn’t give in, especially if he gets other cards from family and his birthday is right around the corner.

Member
519 posts
Busy bee

That is absolutely unacceptable.  He’s acting like a spoiled child and could use a reminder on what’s really important at Christmas.

You both made a spending agreement that he should have stuck to.  He has no business expecting any certain gift from you or anyone else.  A gift is just that – a gift.

 

Member
46 posts
Newbee

He cares more about money than you :-( whatever you get him and whatever he gets you is more a trophy for him to show off than anything else. I mean, his comment about the laptop spells it out loud and clear!

do not let him beat you down making you feel cheap anymore!!

Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee

@mrsgrant:  your husband is being really rude. he should have bought you the purse because he wanted to/thought you’d like it etc. not so that he gets a present of equal value. that’s selfish.

it’s not your fault that he ‘forgot’ the cap, and he picked out the purse, so again, not your fault.

his behaviour is super rude. you think you’re going to love every gift he ever gets you? nope! but i doubt you’ll be openly ‘pissed’ and deride what he did get you. that’s low and not exactly in the christmas spirit. i wouldn’t buy him the laptop, i’d ask for an apology. if i gave my SO a card and NO gift, he wouldn’t do that.

this morning i opened a ridiculous gift from an aunt, but i smiled, thanked her and she’ll recieve a thank you note in a week or two. i know that’s what polite people do, because my parents taught me that. imagine your child witnessing your husband’s behaviour!

maybe point out that having such an ungrateful husband doesn’t exactly get you excited to buy him gifts.

 

Member
3673 posts
Sugar bee

@mrsgrant:  Wow. I’m kind of appalled. Not only did he ‘forget’ but he was ungrateful for what you gave him which was pretty damn generous by itself. I don’t know how I would handle it but I would rip DH a new asshole if tried to throw a tantrum like that. Also, it would be one thing if you offered to exchange the purse but to take it back to use toward his own ‘gift’ is so….there aren’t words. 

Im so sorry he’s doing this to you. :(

Member
519 posts
Busy bee

@mrsgrant:  Oh, I completely forgot to touch on that.  You are in no way obligated to spend x amount simply because you can technically afford to do so.  What a ridiculous notion.  

Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee

@DrTeeth:  agreed. if this is how he reacts when he doesn’t get a (very) expensive christmas present, i can only imagine what would happen if you hit hard times. he’s lucky you’re a saver!

sounds like he’s not exactly in it ‘for richer, for poorer’!

 

Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee

wow, he’s acting like a d-bag.

I would never agree to have present exchanges again if DH acted like that… and he wouldnt be getting any (if you know what i mean) for a LONG time.

Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee

@mrsgrant:  i think you need to let him cool off for a bit and then sit him down and be straight with him.

‘you really hurt my feelings and made me feel like what i gave you wasn’t good enough even though i put alot of thought into it and obeyed the budget we agreed upon’

‘there was no reason for you to be so dismissive of what i got you – it bothers me that you acted that way on christmas, you were very selfish’

and then…’i know that you wouldn’t mean to hurt my feelings (benefit of the doubt here) and i’m hoping that even though you didn’t receive what you had hoped for, you still had a good holiday. i think that holidays are about more than presents, don’t you? (he’ll clearly say yes). so then, is there something else that’s bothering you? you really weren’t acting like yourself’.

see if there’s something else going on. but i’d be very frank that in 10 years he won’t remember what you got him for christmas, but you will always remember that on your first married christmas, he made you feel so rotten and ruined it. he can buy the laptop this week – you’re not getting your first christmas as a married couple back.

also – there’s no shame in saving. anything can happen! having a ‘rainy day’ fund is a demonstration of love too. i love you so much that i have money in the bank if you get sick, hit by a car, laid off etc. maybe you need to make him see that that money buys you security.

Member
703 posts
Busy bee

I think you should punch him in the weiner. 

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