Post # 1
Ok so here’s the deal. I am gonna be 21 and recently got engaged, due to be married August 2nd 2014. Ever since my fiance and I got engaged, his sister has been terrible! Couple quick examples:
The day after we got engaged she told my cousin it was because I am pregnant (not true). So my family was questioning me and for a short time before it was cleared up, had lost respect for me and my fiance. After everything was smoothed out it went back to normal, but the fact she made a happy day a nightmare really irked me. But, I figured she was just upset so to make things better, I asked her to be a bridesmaid.
Since saying yes to being a bridesmaid, she has been telling epople she doesnt like me and that she cant belie her brother is marrying me and she doesnt want to be a bridesmaid in this stupid wedding and she could care less. People are coming to me and telling me these things and frankly I dont know what to do.
Her being a bridesmaid has almost made things worse and I dont know what to do. I dont know how to ask her to not be a bridesmaid or just ask her to shape up. My family is very upset about all of this and it has made planning this wedding very hard. She is causing fights between families and I am afraid she will do the same on the wedding day. What do I do??? Anybody been in this situation?
Post # 3
That’s really tough and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Since she is your FSIL, you don’t want bad beef between you two for years to come. Maybe you two should go out alone and just try to talk things through. Let her know that people have been coming to you saying these things and you want to hear her side of the story whether it’s true or not. Maybe re-ask her to be in the wedding and if she really doesn’t want to, then don’t bother. If she does want to be in the wedding ask her to please respect you and her brother. That’s the least she could do.
Post # 4
@ahun6592: I would absolutely, positively, without a doubt, tell her she is no longer a bridesmaid. If she is actually saying these things then she will know exactly why. If she doesn’t support your relationship (or at least pretend to out of love and respect for her own brother), then why does she deserve to stand up for you on your wedding day? I would be so angry but even more hurt.Sorry you are having into deal with her drama.
Post # 5
Who are the ‘people’ that are telling you that she is saying all these bad things? And why do they have to come to you about this instead of just telling her that she’s being a b*tch and needs to stop?
I agree with madteaparty, I would make sure you’re certain that she is actually saying these things and it’s not just some secondhand he-said/she-said thing.
If it’s true and she’s talking crap like that, I wouldn’t think twice about asking her to step down into a different role – just try to make it a mutual agreement to diffuse the drama.
Post # 7
I don’t think you should have her as a bridesmaid, but perhaps it would be best if your FI spoke with her. If he’s heard what she’s saying it would be natural for him to come to your defense. Hoping this gets better!
Post # 8
E_Lynne615 She is one of those girls that kinda freak out if you call her out on something so most people kind of keeo quiet around her. They are good friends of mine. She deleted me as a friend on facebook and has put up statuses about it, which have been shown to me. So there’s no doubt she is saying these things. Basically people are just telling me because they arent sure what to say and are almost afraid to call her out, and they think she shouldnt be a bridesmaid…. I’m beginning to agree…
Post # 9
Ah I thought my fsil bridesmaid was being annoying… She just doesn’t seem to be super involved and is kinda a Tomboy so I don’t think she’s terribly interested but omg ur situation is way worse. I’d ask to talk to her and just say listen I’ve been told you’ve been saying these things, is it true? If she denies it I’d probably drop it and if she says yes ask her why and tell her maybe its better she attends as a guest only
Post # 10
@ahun6592: I personally would not take what you are hearing from other people as truth, like PP as far as you are concerned you are finding out through them second-hand. I would approach your FSIL and see if the two of you could get together alone without other people around and maybe talk things out. I would just be honest with her and tell her what you have been hearing from other people and ask her point-blank if there is any truth behind all the comments that have been made about you behind your back. If she is honest with you and actually did say those things about you, I would ask her why she feels to need to say such rude things about you and why on earth she would consider being one of your bridesmaids if she really feels that way. It might be that her comments could be misunderstood by other people and you are hearing their interpretation of what they heard. I hate finding out things about me that other people are saying second-hand so I think for you own sanity and peace of mind, I would approach your FSIL directly. And if there is truth to the rumors, it could be that she is jealous and feels the need to act out by talking negatively about you behind your back.
Ah, just read the last comment you posted…if she is posting things about you on FB it shows a lack of maturity on her part and that she would rather post things about you on a social networking site rather than talk to you directly. I would agree with PPs that your FI should talk to his sister and try to defuse the situation a bit and tell her how you aren’t comfortable with her being a bridesmaid in your wedding if that is how she really feels. The last thing you need on your wedding day is someone who isn’t supportive of your relationship to begin with. Good luck and hopefully this won’t cause a wedge between you and your fiance.
Post # 11
Absolutely, definitely, have your FI handle this. I wouldn’t think twice about not having her in the wedding, and I dont think your FI would disagree.
Post # 12
I would get your FI to tell that she’s no longer a bridesmaid. Let them duke it out. She needs to learn that disrepecting you is also disrespecting him. Keep your hands clean and stay out of it! Your FI should also learn to stand up for you when it comes to his family.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Taghkanic State Park
I would just tell her straight up that if she doesn’t really want to be a bridesmaid she doesn’t have to. If she’s the one complaining about it in the first place just tell her what she wants to hear, you shouldn’t be working so hard to keep her if she’s making it more stressful for everyone else. Maybe talk to your FI and FMIL and see what they think about why she’s acting out and their opinion on how to deal with her (since the have been their whole lives). lol.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
voted before i read
yea i kicked my FSIL out …. she was making me so mad!! Plus acting like she didnt want to be in the wedding. Im having a DW and shes the only one who lives where were getting married so she knew how important she was and she couldnt even say yes or no to can i use you address to enter a competition. Then I ask her a question and shes like im busy with exams ill contact you when im able to help you (she graduated a couple of weeks after that) … after 8 months had passed she contacted me, lol!! She was out at 3 months. I told my FI why she was no longer part of it and hes the only one I feel I have to explain myself to.
Since she saying she doesnt want to be in it, I’d confront her about this and everything shes said, if she mellows id give her one more chance. If she admits it in anyway, it would be well … i dont want to burden you and shes out.
Post # 15
I think you and your FT need to share with her what you’ve been feeling and experiencing as a result of her words and actions. In fact, tell her that these feelings do not belong at your wedding, and ask her not to come. She will probably feel much more comfortable not being obligated to attend.
Post # 16
Sounds a lot like my FSIL kick her out while you still can!