Post # 1
The wedding (August 14) was wonderful. Perfect. In so many ways. But compared to a year and a half of very stressful planning the one beautiful day went way too fast.
Unfortunately I can’t get into the happy details right now. Right now I’ve got to reach out to brides, particularly ones who’ve already had their wedding and have gone through this. I’ve reached out to other people who have been supportive but don’t understand this so they give me advice to cope with tough times that I just don’t think applies to this particular time.
I never expected this but I’m going through a terrible depression. I’m so happy to be married to my husband and we’ve got a wonderful relationship. But I realized I’m sad that the wedding process is over. I so wish I could have the day over again. I have clinical depression anyway so it’s even more magnified. Sucks. I’m in my pj’s alll day sometimes and I’ve got assignments for school to do that I’m scared will get me poor grades b/c I have trouble focusing. (btw I’m already utilizing professional help and have been for a long time.)
there’s more I need to say but now it’s late but I just had to write something before I went to bed. Any help and support would be really appreciated. I’m in way too much pain and this really sucks.
Post # 3
Sorry you’re going through this. It’s a really incredible day but it’s sooooo much planning for one day it becomes all encompassing. After the wedding we started cooking more together and learning how to cook a lot of things from scratch. We did some home updates, nothing major but just rearranging and little crafty things. If I ever get some time off again I want to do this as my next project http://www.marthastewart.com/article/succulent-wreath . . . so pretty. But I guess after the wedding, our projects became focused on our home and life together, rather just the one big day.
But I do have to say I was horribly unfocused for like 2 months after the wedding. Not ready to start anything new but still trying to get my grips on everything that had just happened.
Post # 4
I have clinical depression too and while yes, situations will exacerbate it, to be honest, it sounds like you really do need a bit of some chemical tweaking. Wedding blues is normal–but it’s NOT normal for ex-brides who have wedding blues to spend their days in PJs and start performing poorly in school (not saying you have already, but if you see yourself down spiraling, then you know how it is–you’ve got to stop the buck now).
So first, I’d definitely make sure that you continue to monitor yourself–you say you have a professional watching you, but do make sure that you watch YOURSELF so taht you know when to demand a change of course from your therapist.
Second, I noticed that in myself, I have such a hard time dealing when there appears to be nothing to look forward too. This can be several factors 1) I’m unhappy wiht my life in general and whatever event I was planning for that has come and gone was a distraction. Without the distraction, I am left wtih my same unhappy life and/or 2) I just lose some momentum and sense of purpose without planning.
If it’s some of column A, then you’ll just need to work on things in your life and steel yourself to change. If it’s some of column B, then perhaps giving yourself something else to enrich yourself–plan a vacation or take up some new hobby–like yoga, ikebana, writing, learn French, join an art-viewing club…Even something as simple as reading a book, but do something for yourself. And try, try, try not to slip into bad habits: make sure you see your friends and don’t isolate yourself socially. Try and nail down a daily schedule. Eat right. Exercise.
YOus hould be proud that you can admit all this adn that you’re getting help. Hang in there and take it one day at a time and get the help that you so much deserve. You’ll be okay.
Post # 5
@bridepower: I totally understand how you are feeling. I wouldnt say I am depressed, but I keep rehashing things that I wish I could do over. I really wish I could go back in time and change certain aspects of things that I wasnt happy about. However, I CANT and I just have to accept that, as hard as it is! I agree with the bees before me that you just need to find something to focus your energy on. Whether that be a new hobby, learning a new skill, whatever you want.
Here are some things I plan on doing or have done:
- made some house upgrades/painted to spruce things up
- starting to edit and organize our wedding photos to be put into an album
- play sudoku (seriously this can take up so much time and benefits your brain!)
- take the dog on more walks
- start to plan for our next vacation
There are so many brides who know what you are going through! But just remember that you cant let it keep you down…try to remember only the positive things from your wedding and focus on that instead of what went wrong!
Post # 6
I can’t say I understand what it’s like to suffer from clinical depression, but I will say why I think this did not happen to me.
First of all, I let go of the idea well before my wedding about it being ‘my’ day and having what I wanted. Yes, it was beautiful and I picked out a lot of things, but by no means was it exactly what I wanted. And I was OK with that, because DH and I knew the day wasn’t about us anymore once we decided to have a big wedding. So I sort of viewed the day as the time I got married and threw a party specifically for my friends and family to enjoy.
Also, I was REALLY busy at work the months before my wedding and wasn’t even able to take part in most of the planning. My Mom picked out the menu, arranged a day after brunch, picked the band, videographer, and communciated to all my wedding vendors about logistics. My In-laws planned the entire RD. Thankfully I had a fabuous DOC who traveled up to NYC to meet with me, otherwise I would have been completely uninvolved.
So I definitely feel as though I didn’t put too much stress or pressure on myself to have a perfect day, or even really have it be about me. Yes there are things I would change if I could do it over again, but honestly I”m OK with the imperfections since that is what made it my wedding day. And it was pretty darn perfect overall anyway, so I am OK with letting go. Also, DH and I are so much happier now that we don’t have an upcoming wedding hanging over our heads!
Post # 7
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Like some of the previous posters, I don’t suffer from depression, but I can relate a little bit.
We are still engaged, a little under 3 months to go until the wedding. When I start to think about how close it is, I get a little sad. We’ve been engaged since April of 2009 – we will have had a 22 month engagement. I have either worked on or thought about the wedding almost every single day of those 22 months.
To make matters worse, I work as a wedding director for a florist, so weddings are going to be in my face for all of the forseeable future.
I’m at a stage right now where I am looking forward to all of the things that are coming after the wedding – our honeymoon in Puerto Rico, moving to a much bigger house with more room to decorate, starting some side projects, and eventually having a baby. All of that to me just seems so much more exciting and fulfilling than this one, albeit one AMAZING day.
I hope you get the help that you need, and bounce back quickly. It sounds like your wedding must have been pretty amazing – maybe start some recaps?
Post # 8
I can relate to what you’re going through. Our wedding was Sept. 18 and then we went to Jamaica for a week, so it’s back to reality time. I also just quit my job and am feeling like I don’t know what I want to do with my life, which just adds to the feeling.
Here’s what I think. When you’re planning a wedding there’s so much to do and it has such a HUGE outcome. There’s all of these productive things to do that have to get done. It’s stressful, but I will say it’s also fulfilling. Then, after the wedding, it’s just done. Sure there are things to be done, but there’s no huge, exciting day (or honeymoon) to look forward to anymore. Now that that is gone from my life, I feel like I’ve lost my clear goal for the things I do on a daily basis. I, too, am feeling a bit down. I don’t think it helps that I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life career-wise.
It helps, though, to think about the wonderful things that await you in the future. For example, it’s simple and probably corny, but I can’t wait for the end of the day when my husband and I can play a game and cuddle in bed. I can’t wait for the day when I’m pregnant or our one year anniversary. I empathize completely with feeling the huge letdown, but I’ve found that positive thinking can be very helpful. Or getting involved in a hobby, like others have said. I’m also looking for little projects in my life. Whether it be organizing my closet and donating clothes to Goodwill, creating a photobook of our wedding pictures, or learning how to cook something new. It doesn’t mean I don’t have moments of sadness, but I’m working through it.
As someone who has clinical depression as well, this can complicate the situation. However, I would reccomend just keep taking your medication (if you’re on any), continue to go see whomever you’re seeing for professional help, and just keep an eye on yourself. Also, communicate your feelings to your husband. I’ve found that mine probably the best help I could ever get. When I get down he always does something silly or draws me a bath or does whatever he can to help. In addition to making me laugh or smile, it also makes me realize how lucky I am to have him in my life. And how the wedding was just the beginning of our wonderful lives together and there are so many awesome things still to come!
I don’t know if any of this helped you at all, I sure hope it did. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. But it sounds like you have good support systems in your life and talking about it here may help as well 🙂
Post # 9
i appreciate all the support. unfortunately now i’ve discovered that i’m in a place where the change-my-thinking and change my way of looking at this stuff and doing activities, etc. don’t work b/c of the clinical depression that’s been triggered by this “loss.” and it sucks. I am happy about my life and my husband and know and feel and do full well most of what you’re all saying. unfortunately the depression has been taking over no matter what i do. i’ve always hated when that’s happened to me. but for now i have to take care of that first and be aware of this post-wedding situation triggering it. wish me luck…
Post # 10
@bridepower: Good luck! It sounds like you know what needs to be done. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.