Terrible waiting day, very frustrated

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Have you asked him when he sees the two of you getting married and just flat out if he is ready? I know you discussed things in the abstract, but it’s not quite the same as asking him how he feels at this moment in time about it.

Post # 5
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@chic_and_fabulous:  My heart goes out to you.  It really, really does Undecided

You sound a lot like me in some ways…..I had a friggin breakdown at 29, January of this year (feel free to read my posts), because I was turning 30 in March and realized I would be unmarried, hell, UNENGAGED!!!!  “THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE” I thought!  “HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME!”  


Okay so maybe that’s more me than you haha! Tongue Out Therapy, Self Help Dating Books and THE WEDDINGBEE have really helped me move on in my life to a happier place.

A few things:

1)  Have you checked out Mr. Bees guide to getting engaged?  I read it, was in denial about it, and then I started to implement things and you know?  I’ve seen a change that I cannot describe in my relationship.  It’s better.  I’m better.  But you want to know why?  Like you…I was living in a world of have nots.  All I could see was my married with kids friends, cousins, even an aunt i had who in 3 years got married AGAIN and had another baby (what?!).  Once I started to focus more on myself…my life changed.  I think yours can too.

2)  It sounds like you’ve already discussed timelines which is great.  Are you SURE money is not an option?  I talked to my SO about rings…He’s got it in his head it’s supposed to be 10% of his pay or 3 months salary!  UM okay?!  Based on his projected salary, (as in my case), this could be quite a bit of money, and it does take time to save up for this if he doesn’t want to do this process on credit.

3)  Who’s paying for the wedding?  Your parents?  His parents?  Or you and him?  Which could also take time to save up for.

4)  If you were able to answer 2 and 3….Maybe it’s time to have an honest discussion with your guy and see what the hold up is.  

 Good Luck and hang in there.  It gets better.

Post # 6
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Hmph! I would be majorly frustrated too, if I was in your shoes. I’m also a waiting bee, and I have had days when I just wanted to scream HURRY UP! Do men need a formal invitation to get committed?? Well…yeah, maybe. I’d second what the last reply said – in my experience you’ve gotta lay it out in front of your SO; ask directly. Sometimes the guys we love can be really dense 🙂 (I’m not man-bashing or anything, I love my man and I’m sure you love yours!)

Post # 7
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@chic_and_fabulous:  Has he cut back on his drinking? I ask because based on a previous post it seems like he has issues with alcohol. And take it from me, if someone is consumed with a drinking problem absolutely nothing else matters in life…like getting engaged. 

Post # 8
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@chic_and_fabulous:  You say he has a great savings account – then it doesn’t sound like he needs to actively “save” for a ring.

What did he say when you asked him what the hold up was?

Post # 14
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@chic_and_fabulous:  You asked him what the hold up is and he can’t tell you…he says he doesn’t know….

My first instinct is that he must be saving up or a ring for you…or is there a heirloom?  Have you guys talked about this at all?

Savings is sort of out of someone’s control….it only goes as fast as the money comes in, and it’s a process.  I asked about a heirloom because if he’s having a ring made, instead of just purchasing one….that takes time too.  It took one of my GF’s a little over a year for her ring to be made, and it consisted of 2 family rings from both of their sides that they had customized/made…I think the stones were precious and were delicate…causing more trouble and complications in the process.  Even if he had a ring custom made without heirloom stones this could be timely.

Good Luck!

Post # 16
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

@chic_and_fabulous:  Oh my goodness, I feel your pain with the “fall of next year” thing. I’m not in my 30s or anything yet, but my SO always says stuff like this.

“When are we going to get married?”
“May 1, 2015!” (My SO is obsessed with palendromes…haha)
“You realize that’s like 18 months away, right?”

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