Weddingbee boards

My wedding is in 5 weeks, and I don't know if I can go through with it.

My fiance is a hot-headed guy, and although we argue passionately sometimes it's never escalated into anything violent.  I just accept his moodiness as a part of him.  Well, just a little bit ago we were both in a sour mood, but he was really snapping at everything I said - EVEN why I tried to be nice and end the whole thing.  He eventually got up and went outside, and when I tried to follow him he just gave me the finger and told me to fuck off.  Well, something inside me snapped and I slammed the patio door shut, locked it, and walked away.  He started beating on the door, then tried the front door and rang the bell about a million times.  I opened the patio door, then walked to the front door and told him through the window he could come in the patio.  Then I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom.  He chased me and got to the bathroom just as I locked the door, and screamed at me.  When I ventured out a few minutes later, there was a big hole where he busted the door.  I'm still shaking right now, and I think he's getting ready to leave the house for a bit but I'm not sure... I can hear him banging around downstairs. 

I've told him if he ever touched me violently that I would walk.  He hasn't EVER, but I was really afraid just now.  It's not like I could even leave, because I'm 7,000 from home staying in his family's house all summer in Europe.  The nearest airport is 3 hours away. 

Am I overreacting???       

Well he finally came upstairs to talk to me.  I was expecting him to apologize, but he pretty much just suggested we call off our engagement party coming up this Saturday until we know what we want to do.  NOT the reaction I was hoping for.

I told him I can't be with someone who reacts like that.  I told him I was terrified, and that I felt like a child again running from my Mom (who used to toss me around on a regular basis).  Then he got mad and started yelling about how he would never lay a hand on me ever, and how could I possibly be afraid of him??  My FI is a big man - 6 feet tall and about 215 lbs of solid muscle with hands the size of dinner plates.  Not to mention he used to work as a bouncer at a nightclub!  If I saw him walking down the sidewalk at night and I was by myself, I would probably cross the street to avoid him.  He doesn't "get" it.     

We are BOTH really stressed out... not only are we planning a wedding from 7,000 miles away, but we're also in the homestretch of the visa process so he can immigrate to America.  Literally, we're like 10 days away from the final interview that determines our future together after 7 months of paperwork and legal fees.  We've had a really good relationship for the most part, and even made a LDR work for 10 months.  He's NEVER done anything like this before.  

It's just so hard to talk to him.  Everything I've ever learned about how to communicate essentially goes out the window... like saying "I feel" and "I think" instead of the whole "You did this..." makes no difference to him.  He's fluent in English, but it's not his first language and he doesn't understand the subtleties of speech.  There are no hidden meanings in anything for him, and it's pretty impossible to get him to understand what I want without telling him point blank.  Which at times makes me look like a bitch, or a control freak, or whatever.

Thanks for the advice ladies... luckily this house is big enough that I can avoid him if I want to.  I need to talk to my parents, but they're so excited about the wedding that whenever anything isn't perfect on my end they get all disappointed.  They're more excited than I am!

I'll be back for an update later I guess... thanks for the advice ladies.

@Encore:  thanks so much for the reality check... I feel that's the the most honest response I've ever gotten on here!  This fighting is a new thing for us, but we do argue often.  I think my fear stems from the fact that I've been abused by a lot of people who have said they loved me, and it's gotten to a point where it's just a reflex.

To everyone else, thank you so much for responding.  We ended up having a good talk and making up, but then this morning we were right back to be irritated with each other.  Actuallly, I was ticked off about something completely unrelated to him, but he thought I was being nasty to HIM.  Even though I explained I wasnt.  He just left for work now, and essentially told me he doesn't think we're ever going to get better.  I did everything I could to try and cheer him up, but it's no use.  I really, REALLY want to talk to my family right now, but they're back in the States and it's 7am there. 

This isn't the first time we've considered re-evaluating our relationship, but it's the first time he wasn't open to discussion.  I'm just exhausted by this.  And to make things worse, my dress just came in YESTERDAY and our invitations went out this week.  We're traveling to Oslo next week for his visa interview, and I'm considering changing my flight to leave next week.  I feel terrible because we've come this far.  His family is AMAZING and so special, and if we call off the wedding they're losing about $5,000 in plane tickets.  Even WORSE, I've cleaned out my savings to sponsor his immigration visa and have taken an entire summer off work to be with him in Europe.  So I think I have about $250 to my name, when just 7 or 8 months ago I had about $7,000.  We had plans to move to NYC for work, and now I've spent all my savings.  He was going to pay for everything - moving costs, new apartment, living expenses while we're finding jobs - when we got there.  The last time we fought, he offered to give me the equivalent of about $3,200 as a sort of payback, but I told him that was ridiculous.  Now it doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

Help... I just don't know... :(