- 8 years ago
Just found out a friend is engaged and I am terrified I’m going to be asked to be the Maid/Matron of Honor – I have no idea what to do! We have been friends for like 5 years and even lived together for awhile but that didn’t go so well. I was pretty positive that we would not be friends post-living together not necessarily because we were on terrible terms but just because I lost a lot of respect for her after a series of issues I put up with from her. Turns out we just stopped talking for a brief amount of time then slowly started talking again. We were both pretty busy so it wasn’t like when we were living together and around each other all of the time – we just hung out casually but I have other friends that I am a million times closer to. She on the other hand doesn’t – she has been very consumed with her now fiancee and hasn’t really had many close friends.
A couple years back when I was married she was in the wedding (I asked her to be in it while we were still living together, pre-freak out stages). She acted very rudely, self-centered and insensitive during some of the planning process that has always really bothered me. I never really addressed it with her – I honestly didn’t want to get into it with her, I don’t think it would have been worth it or helped anything. So post wedding we have kept in touch, but rarely. We’ve hung out on occassion, but mainly she only ever calls me anymore when she has news to report on her end. My husband and I have a million new things going on with us and the last time we went to visit them not a queston was asked about us – it all just kind of centered around them which was just awkward.
So here’s the thing, I do not want to be the Maid/Matron of Honor at all. I don’t even want to be in the wedding. She acted like a jerk for part of mine which to me was not so much “unforgivable” as it was just sort of a situation that I found insanely immature and rude and at that moment I just felt disconnected from her and lost some respect. So what do I do? It isn’t as if she really knows I feel like this. We’re friendly, not Maid/Matron of Honor friendly but since she doesn’t really have close friends I know that I would 99% be the one she would go to to get the job done.
So what do I do? I don’t really want to hurt her feelings by straight up coming out and saying “no”, I just had hoped that we would keep a friendly but distant kind of relationship without a huge drama-filled falling out.