- 4 years ago
I have posted on here a lot, and considered making up a new name, but I decided that I didn’t care if people knew I was crazy.
My name is Justme12182..I have a 3 month old son and I am terrified of SIDS.
I am also obsessed with it. I read everything I can find, like there is some article somewhere that will ease my mind, but obviously it doesn’t.
I have read that it occurs in 2,500 infants a year, but there are 4,000,000 born.
I do everything I can to prevent it..I make sure he isn’t overheated, I breastfeed, I keep him in a cradle a foot away from me, I still take my prenatals, I don’t smoke or have him around smokers, I do have 2 beers a week (maybe), but I don’t feed him for 2-3 hours after I finish one. He naturally wakes 2-3 times a night still and he pulls away when he can’t breathe (on boob).
I am trying but not succeeding at other things…I put him on his back, but if he is anywhere other than his rock and play or cradle he rolls right onto his stomach and starts sucking his fingers. When he is in his cradle he rolls to his side and I have to keep moving him to his back. I have tried every type of pacifier and he wont take it but he is already sucking his thumb. I had to put him in daycare 3 days a week.
I just can’t get passed my fear, and the night is such a scary time for me. Everynight I almost break down in tears holding him, praying that he doesn’t die, worried that it is the last time I will see him alive. I hide it from my SO obviously because when I have discussed it with him he tells me I am being crazy and our baby is fine.
I hear so many stories of people who have friends who have lost perfect babies that they do everything right for and it just makes things worse and the fact that it is not black and white is crazy.
I do have a history of an anxiety disorder and I was medicated for a bit, but I have been fine for years. I am not having panic attacks like I used to, just fear that creeps up on me around 8pm every night.
Is there any way to get passed this feeling? I was considering going back to counseling again, but the fact that this is a totally real thing that is unpreventable and strikes out of nowhere makes me feel like no amount of convincing will get me passed it.