Terrified to m/c

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
3698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think every pregnant woman has that fear. MC is a scary thing. You are attached to that life very early and it’s terrifying to think of losing it. 

I won’t lie to you and say a MC isn’t possible. It is. Depending on what source you listen to, between 25-50% of pregnancies end in MC. But many don’t. And there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. So as hard as it is, try not to stress about it too much. 

May your ultrasound next week, you will hopefully hear the heartbeat. Once that happens, the risk of MC goes way down. 

I say all this as someone who had a MC in August, got another BFP in November and am now 27+ weeks pregnant. 

Post # 3
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

I understand exactly how you’re feeling. Early pregnancy is so exciting, yet so scary! The best advice I can give is to relax and enjoy this time. There are no guarantees that everything will go smoothly, but stressing will not help you. Just relax, take care of yourself and take it one day at a time.


Post # 4
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

missjewels:  it’s pretty normal to worry about mc. It’s the beginning of the lifetime of worry you will have as a parent! Once you see the heartbeat, the risk of mc goes down considersably, but honestly nothing is a guarantee until baby is safely in your arms. then you start worrying about other things. My best advice is to accept that there are things in life you cannot control (mc is one of them) so instead of worrying about something you have no control over, enjoy your pregnancy And focus on the present. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed for any of us. 

If you feel your anxiety is exceptionally high and interfering with your daily life I would talk to your doctor and/or a therapist about ways to manage it.

Congrats and happy and healthy 9 months to you!

Post # 5
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

missjewels:  Firstly, Congrats on your pregnancy!

I completely understand how you feel. When I saw the positive result on my pregnancy test, my first thought was: “OMG, YAY!” and my second thought was “Oh no, what if I have a miscarriage?”

At my seven week ultrasound I held my breath for I don’t know how long…when the doctor told me there was a strong heartbeat, I broke down into tears. Just thinking about it now makes me tear up.

Glasgowbound is right, once you see the heartbeat the chances for m/c lower drastically.

I can understand being scared to get attached to the idea of pregnancy..the fear will always exist, but I would say enjoy each day as much as you are able to…

Post # 6
419 posts
Helper bee

I think of miscarriage in such a way that i’m not really afraid of them. When I got my BFP I never thought ‘oh here is my perfect baby’. I always thought – I’m probably going to have a baby. Your body miscarries for reasons that are really vital. Severe issues or whathave you. It’s protecting you. Trust your body. So as non-opptimistic as that sounds I was much less worried that I would miscarry then worried I should have misscarried and didn’t. The sex, the implantation, and the getting through the misscarriage stage are all IMO parts of becoming pregnant. It’s why I didn’t tell people right away. It’s a joke you can’t be ‘a little bit pregnant’, but in my mind I was sort of pregnant with a + test. I was a bit more after U/S, after 12 weeks I felt mostly pregnant. After the 20 week I felt 100 percent pregnant. It’s not a normal way to look at it nowadays but that’s just how I felt. Good news- Your body can do this. Even IF this pregnancy doesn’t go all the way through- you know you can clear the first hurdles. You’ll have that dream baby. Hopefully and most likely this time, but if not- it’s not because something failed. It’s because your body did a natural screen and said ‘nope this isn’t a good start, we can do better’. Anyway. I know this all sounds different from most people, but I thought I’d share in case it makes you feel better. 

For now -you are getting attached to this dream baby- and that’s great. It might not be this particular egg and sperm combo this time. Your dream baby won’t die if you miscarry, it’s just your body recognizing this particular pairing never was that dream baby and that will have to come later on. 

Post # 7
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

keesl:  That was the best thing I’ve read on the bee in a long time.  Thanks for that! 

Post # 8
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

keesl:  wise words… i like it. I’m trying to tell myself exactly the same thing right now. I’ve had one MC and if it happens again, it simply means it’s for the best. 

missjewels:  I hope everything is all good at your US next week 🙂 

Post # 9
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

missjewels:  I am so happy to know that I am not the only one that has these feelings. This is all I think about. DH and I are going to start TTC later this year, and all I can think about it is “what if I can’t have kids? What if there is something wrong with me and I don’t know it yet? What if I have a miscarriage?”

My mom had a mix of miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies and I went to my OBGYN for my annual checkup and to talk to her about my plans to TTC. So I have to go back in August to see her and in between that she wants me to get a full bloodwork panel so she can see that everything is ok. She is concerned that I might be a high risk pregnancy and that I might get preclampsyia. My blood pressure fluctuates, sometimes its normal, sometimes its high and I know the reason for it.

Congrats on expecting! These are all normal worries, and just don’t be stressed out. Keep calm and literally carry on! LoL

Post # 10
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think most of us felt / feel this way! You’ve gotten some good advice but I’m just going to stress that you should NOT google miscarriage statistics if you can help it. 

I felt so much better after our first ultrasound at 8 weeks and then calmed down way more by 12 weeks. Just take it day by day. Happy and healthy 9 months!

Post # 11
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What I’ve learned from having a miscarriage is that spending your time being afraid of having one not only does absolutely no good, but really prevents you from just finding the joy in being pregnant. I spent so much of my pregnancy just worrying about miscarriage, in part because I felt like “if I worry about this, it is less likely to happen” and “if I worry about this, it won’t be as bad if it actually happens.” Neither of those are true. If it happens, it sucks regardless of whether you worried incessantly or just allowed yourself to enjoy being pregnant. The only thing worrying will do is rob you of being able to just be happy about being pregnant.

And honestly, if you’ve made it to six weeks, the odds really are in your favor. Just try to focus on the present. Today, you are pregnant! That’s a wonderful thing. Take it one day at a time, enjoy every day that you get with the little life inside of you, and stay positive. 

Post # 12
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it is quite natural to have the fear you have. You’re so excited, and the possibility of that being taken away is the worst feeling ever! To know that it is a possibility is hard to comprehend.

Like others mentioned, obsessing about it will not change the outcome either way. You just have to try to adapt and take it one day at a time, enjoying each day that you *are* pregnant.

This chart helped me a lot, especially in this pregnancy when I had bleeding complications. It made me feel better as I got further along, day by day:


Post # 13
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

missjewels:  I Googled this just today!  Here’s what I found:

Most miscarriages are caused by genetic abnormalities in the fetus. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done to prevent miscarriages caused by genetic abnormalities.

However, not all miscarriages are caused by genetic abnormalities. If you have had a miscarriage, work with your health care provider to determine the reason for your miscarriage, if possible, and to plan a future pregnancy. A healthy lifestyle before and during pregnancy may help. Here are some tips that may help prevent miscarriage:

  • Be sure to take at least 400 mg of folic acid every day, beginning at least one to two months before conception, if possible.
  • Exercise regularly.
  • Eat healthy, well-balanced meals.
  • Manage stress.
  • Keep your weight within normal limits.
  • Don’t smoke and stay away from secondhand smoke.
  • Don’t drink alcohol or have more than one to two cups of coffee a day.
  • Avoid illicit drugs.

These steps may help to prevent miscarriage, too:

  • Avoid radiation and poisons such as arsenic, lead, formaldehyde, benzene, and ethylene oxide.
  • Take special care to keep your abdomen safe while pregnant. Avoid sports that carry a higher risk for injury, such as contact sports and skiing, and always wear your seat belt.
  • Check with your health care provider before taking any medication including over-the-counter drugs during pregnancy.
  • Avoid environmental hazards such as X-rays and infectious diseases.

You can also help ensure a healthy baby by finding out about and treating any health conditions you have before you try to conceive. If, for example, you know a previous miscarriage was due to an autoimmune response or a hormonal imbalance, seek treatment for this underlying condition. Once you become pregnant, get early, comprehensive prenatal care to improve your chances of a healthy pregnancy.


Post # 14
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

missjewels:  I think nearly every newly pregnant lady goes through this. Hard not to when all of us seem to know someone it happened to. It’s the reason DH and I started trying now that I’m 25: its the age my mom started trying to have kids. She was always successful in getting pregnant, but 5 miscarriages (all between 12-16 weeks) and 5 years later, I was finally here. It scared me to death, but she had endometriosis, which is not hereditary, so I truly had nothing to worry about.

It’s hard, but try not to worry. Stress isn’t good for you, and you need to take this time to keep yourself well.

Post # 15
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2005 - 1880's Chapel

I was scared to death to miscarry every single time. My first two pregnancies went very routine but I miscarried my third pregnancy at 7 weeks. I wasn’t any more scared of miscarrying my last child as I was all the other times. If anything I felt better because I understood what the signs were better. I will always miss the baby I lost but I am grateful to have 3 healthy children.

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