(Closed) Thank you card for sending a wedding card?!!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you send a 'thank you' for a wedding greeting card received (from a non-guest)?
    Yes - I'd thank them for their well wishes : (27 votes)
    35 %
    No - I only sent thank you's for gifts received : (45 votes)
    58 %
    Other : (6 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    12833 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Did this woman come to your wedding?  I’d send a card thanking the person for coming to the wedding, but it she didn’t come to the wedding and just sent a random card, I wouldn’t.  It would be like giving thank you cards to everyone who said congratulations to you over the course of your engagement!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2894 posts
    Sugar bee

    Had she been a guest and only sent a card, yeah, I’d send a thank you card for her attendance. But a total non-guest who sent a card who I already verbally thanked? No. Not wasting my time on that logic.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Sending a thank you card for a greeting card seems kind of silly IMO. If she’d sent a check or even attended the wedding, I’d send one, but in this case, I think she’s wrong to expect it, especially since you thanked her in person for the well-wishes

    Post # 5
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I probably wouldn’t normally send one, but since she is clearly expecting it – why not?  It’ll cost you a stamp, but maybe next time the card will come with a gift.  Wink

    Post # 6
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @oracle:  I would have thought thanking her in person would have been enough, if she didn’t send a gift, but I’m not an expert.

    ETA: I also didn’t send thank-yous to wedding guests who attended but didn’t give a gift (honestly, I wouldn’t have been able to track those people anyway since some RSVP yes-ers didn’t show, and some ‘nos’ did show.” I figure the free meal and entertainment is thank you enough…..so a non-wedding guest? Definitely not.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @oracle:  exactly, I’d thank them at the wedding, but not send an additional card.

    That’s just really odd to me though……sending you a congratulatory card and then asking for a thank you…..like you said, you don’t send thank yous for all the birthday/Christmas cards you write!

    Post # 9
    Member
    243 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I agree, I’m mortified that she said that to you! I wouldn’t have sent a card either I don’t think.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5892 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    maybe she meant to put a check in there, but it slipped out?  that’s all i got- how bizarre lol.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7312 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    I sent a thank you care to anyone who gave a card or gift, whether they were invited to the wedding or not. It was sweet of them to think of us and send their well wishes, so I wanted to thank them. 🙂

    Post # 13
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    No, but I would call to say thanks again.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    The poor lady was mistaken about her etiquette in three different ways.

    Firstly, you absolutely do NOT “have a year to send thank-yous”. That’s a mis-statement of a different old etiquette mistake. Thank-yous must be sent as soon as you can get to them: the gold standard of politeness being that you should write your thank-you note before you go to bed on the day that you opened the gift. It is commonly said that you — as a guest — “have a year to send a wedding gift”. That in itself is a garbled rule. No-one is ever obliged to send a gift, and if you are close enough to the couple to assume that a wedding present would be welcome, you are close enough to them to assume that a “just because” present would be welcome, so you can send a gift at any time. What you need to avoid, is giving any appearance of having waitedbefore giving your gift  to see whether the marriage lasts, or whether the marriage bears fruit — both of which would happen around the one-year mark.

    But even so, a card is not a gift. It falls under the general category of “correspondence”, even if the body of the correspondence is copyright the Hallmark company and all the lady did was sign her name. You should always respond to correspondence unless you intend to snub the person, just as you would respond to a spoken remark. But unless there is a significant hand-written personal message in the card,  an equally-nominal response such as a card next Christmas is perfectly adequate.

    Thirdly, she is mistaken inpublically attempting to correct another adult’s manners in a manner causing embarrassment — and would be, even if she hadn’t been mistaken about what is correct. A polite lady would have smoothed things over, rather than stirred them up.

    Incidentally, even had she come to the wedding, you would not have owed her a thank-you note. It is the guests who are supposed to write a polite note thanking their hostess within a day or two of being hosted to dinner.

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