Post # 1
I have intended from the start to give thank you cards to every person that attended our wedding (whether or not they gave a gift) because it was a semi-destination and people probably took a half day from work off at the very least. Going through some of the older posts on the Bee though….looks like some people say this is not proper etiquette and that it can be seen as fishing for a gift.
What do you think? If you came to a wedding without a gift, and later got a card saying that the couple appreciated your presence and getting to share their day with you…. would you think “aw, how nice” or “damn – they want a gift!”
Now I might not send a card to my SIL because she didn’t give a gift, caused a scene, made someone else cry, and tried to fight with three people at her table…and marched out with her whole family during the middle of the toasts! But that is a completely different can of worms 😛
Post # 3
Definitely thank people for attending, especially if they had to travel and take time off work. I think it’s so ugly that someone would receive a thank you card and think that it was a way to fish for gifts… Yikes. Hopefully your guests aren’t that bitter or cynical.
ETA: There are other situations out there too when it’s appropriate to send a thank you note without a gift involved, like job or grad school interviews. You don’t have to receive material goods from someone to be thankful.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I am planning on sending thank you cards to everyone, regardless if they gave a gift. If I received a thank you card and didn’t give a gift, I don’t think I would see it as reaching for a gift. However, I am contemplating not sending a thank you card to my uncle and his wife. They attended but he caused a scene during the reception. I’m not sure what I’m thanking him for in this instance, lol.
Post # 5
Just send one to them thanking them for attending and say how it was nice to see them and you hope they had a great time.
Post # 6
I definitely agree that you should send a card thanking people for coming. Thank you cards in general don’t just have to be for gifts, they can be for any thoughtful gesture. I think attending your wedding counts! And if I got a thank you card just for attending a wedding, I’d think it was really sweet and I wouldn’t read it as fishing for gifts at all.
Post # 8
I sent out Thank You cards to everyone, even those who didn’t give a gift. Because I was sincerely happy to see everyone who attended. If they can’t take a genuine thank you and instead thought I was fishing for a gift, too bad for them. They apparently have bigger issues than whether or not I am fishing for a gift. lol
@Taeyers: “I think it’s so ugly that someone would receive a thank you card and think that it was a way to fish for gifts… Yikes.”
Whew. I totally agree with this!
Post # 9
@prisigtr: Exactly – the ones that caused trouble with their presence…I don’t think they get a card 😉
So far it looks like most would not see a card as a way of fishing for a gift, which is great news. I think people already did enough just by attending and didn’t want my “thank you” to be seen in a bad light!!!
Post # 10
I sent thank you cards to everyone, regardless of gift. The non-gifters still didn’t gift, so apparently the card didn’t make them feel too guilty.
Post # 11
I am also sending Thank You cards to everyone, even if they did not give us a gift. The day was about us getting married and sharing that with family and friends and if people brought us a gift then that was an added bonus! We enjoyed time with everyone at our wedding. On top of thanking people for the gifts they gave, we will be thanking everyone for being there and sharing our special day with us.
I have seen people on here say that it looks gift grabby, but I don’t understand that thinking at all.
Post # 12
@cali_cat: Totally up to you!
Post # 13
We got 2 different thank yous for that exact reason. Actually it’s not for those who didn’t bring a gift, but for those who sent a gift yet couldn’t come. I think you should send a thank you for those who attended even without a gift.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t. I believe it can be seen as gift fishing. I would instead make sure that guests were properly hosted, fed, watered, and that I spent enough time with each guest individually.
You have thanked them at least twice (once with the reception itself, and then individually to each guest through personal interaction, and probably again in a speech so 3 times).
To then send a card seems like overkill to me.
But that said people like getting mail that isn’t bills or junk, so as long as you are super clear and aren’t a gift grubber by bature you will probably be ok. I still wouldn’t.
Post # 15
@cali_cat: I sent everyone a “Thank you for attending our wedding” card with our picture on it. I sent everyone who sent a gift a hand written thank you card too so some people got two thank you cards. 2.5 months after our wedding I got another wedding gift last night.
Post # 16
Yikes! I would skip on sending a thank you card to your SIL after that fiasco unless it’s a “Thank you for causing a scene” card, lol
I plan to thank everyone with a card afterwards. Those who were generous enough to give a gift, I will be sure to mention it in the card, and those who did not, I’ll send a nice card thanking them very much for taking the time to come celebrate with us 🙂