Post # 1
Our wedding was 2 months ago, and I’m working on our thank you cards. I’ve got a few “interesting” circumstances, that I’d like to hear some opinions on:
1. The people who gave us a check, and it bounced. There were 2 of these – one a very good friend, one a close cousin, both of whom I know are not in the best financial place. The friend mentioned that she “owed us a check”, and we laughed it off and told her of course not – and she hasn’t offered again. I haven’t actually spoken to the cousin about the bounced check, and have no plans to. I’m thinking that I will just write them both a thank you card and not mention the bounces.
2. The No-Show. One of my husband’s aunt and uncle’s RSVP’ed yes, then called his mother 2 days before the wedding to cancel. This is my MIL’s sister, and I know that they are not on good terms. She never sent us a card, or anything – but my Mother-In-Law has mentioned that she thinks they should get a thank you card. I honestly don’t know what I would be thanking them for – having the nerve to RSVP yes, costing us extra money, then not even showing up? Has anyone out there thanked a no-show?
Post # 3
1. I would do just as you said, send them a thank you for celebrating your day with you. and just don’t mention the money.
2. I had people not show up (no phone call either!) and I did not send them thank you cards.
Post # 3
Regarding the people with bounced checks… considering you know what financial situation they’re in, I would absolutely send them one. I think it’s really about thanking them for enjoying your day with you and being there to celebrate your happiness.
The aunt and uncle… no way.
Post # 4
1) Yes, thank them for “celebrating with you and how amazing it was to be able to share that special day with them.”
2) Common courtesy and manners goes both ways unless you hear through the family grapevine of a true emergency or legitimate reason for their no show; but the fact that they didn’t send a card or phone shows what kind of people they are. In the same token, they aren’t some co-worker or friend who pulled that. They are now in unfortunately family, albeit in-law familiy. I think a thank you card sent their way with a brief “thank you for your support and well wishes” will show who the bigger and better personis. At least its enough to keep things calm since sooner or later you’ll come face to face with family.
Post # 5
I don’t think you should thank the no-shows… like you said, for what? Since they didn’t even send you a card, then I don’t know how you could even thank them for their “support” or “well-wishes.!”
Post # 6
@red_rose: i agree with that in most cases, but its family… although it is extremely tempting to be snarky and say “thank you for rsvp-ing and not showing.” especially if the Mother-In-Law is hinting that they need to be thanked. usually i’ll just take the high road with my in laws and avoid the potential fall out later. or maybe send a card that’s a thank you card and state “we missed you at the wedding, hope all is well.” =P
Post # 7
I guess my own hesitation in all of these cases is that I fear that sending a thank you card might be taken as a dig – a “im thanking you, even though you didn’t give us a gift” kind of thing. I’m less concerned about this with the bounces, but it did still occur to me that it could potentially be taken the wrong way. The Aunt and Uncle canceled because the Uncle wasn’t feeling well. My Mother-In-Law is one of 7 sisters, and they are all about one-upping and constantly fighting with each other – but because the family is so large, there are no personal relationships there. I’ve met this Aunt exactly twice – once at my husband’s sister’s wedding, and once at my bridal shower – he isn’t close with her at all, and it’s entirely concievable that we might not see them until the next one of his siblings gets married.
Post # 8
Those with the bounced checks but still celebrated with you at your wedding, they should get a thank you. They did take time to come and be with you and your Darling Husband on your big day, so a simple “Thank you for celebrating with us on our wedding day” should be good. I wouldn’t mention anything about the checks in there.
For the ones who RSVP’d but never showed up or sent anything, you are right, you really don’t have anything to say thank you for! I wouldn’t send them anything, because I couldn’t even begin to think about what to even write in the card since they didn’t do anything.