Thank you cards and dealing with awkwardness

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

It happens. In the thank you note, just say thank you for celebrating our day with us…etc.

Post # 3
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Eh, sometimes it happens. It would be nice if everyone wrote a nice, heartfelt note for all major points in your life, but that just doesn’t always happen. And it’s nice when you get gifts for your wedding, but that doesn’t always happen, either.

I wouldn’t read too much into it. They came and celebrated your marriage with you, and that should be the important part. I had several people that didn’t get us a gift or card or anything for our wedding. Some that were even in the bridal party. No big deal. I sent them all thank you cards for coming (though that’s a bit controvertial) as that’s what I appreciated most. 

Post # 4
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

There’s the old lore that guests have up to a year to send a gift.  Many guests take this to heart and do wait quite a while. Even those guests who think a year is too long will still wait several months (out of laziness, until they find the perfect gift for their dear friend, etc.).  I would give your friend a little longer to send you a gift. If it has been 3-4 months, I would check in with her, if you want to. There’s a way to have this conversation without it being awkward or accusatory.  The reason I would have this conversation is that, while gifts are not actually required, it’s most likely your dear friend either got you a gift or wants to get you a gift. If you are direct and sincere with her and let her know that you are only asking because you wanted to make sure gifts didn’t get misplaced or lost it will be an easy conversation to have.  No matter what though, a wedding gift is only a small material gesture.   Good friendships don’t come around all too often – I wouldn’t let the lack of a gift get to you at all!

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You just never know what’s going on with other people. No matter how much we think  we know someone’s situation, we really only know what they want us to know. They could be wallowing in debt from his gambling addiction for all you know. It may have been all they could do to get to your wedding in the appropriate clothes.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view) life isn’t tit for tat. Write her a heartfelt thank you noet for attending your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

littlelostbride:  I have a friend who insisted on attending our wedding to my face, insisted she be my MOH (my sister was), insisted she come to my bach and shower…..I have never met anyone so insistent on being part of everything…..only to have her skip the shower, ditch the bach, and show up after the ceremony to our wedding….with not even a card.

I was a bit taken aback by how bold she was with being a part of everything and then that–

there will always be people who surprise the heck out of you!

Post # 8
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

I’d ask her if the card got lost in the mail just to remind her because that’s just rude!  It’s my biggest pet peeve EVER when people don’t bring even a card to something they’re invited to.  I’m glad you said that you don’t care about the money or gift because that’s another issue but it’s very improper of her not to bring just a small card wishing you well on your wedding day!  Very tacky and I’d say something, nicely of course and if she asks why, just say that you didn’t want to forget her thank you card and explain how you’re doing them. 

Post # 9
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This would make me a little sad too, so I understand. But since she is a dear friend, I would just give her a pass. Logic would dictate that BECAUSE she is so close, she should’ve gotten you a card, but maybe because she helped you a lot she thought that was enough. I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

Post # 10
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You don’t need to write thank you cards just for attending, your reception was the thank you. Wait till she sends a gift, and then send a thank you- if not, no card, not awkward, easy. 

Post # 11
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

If she helped out significantly with preparations and was not asked to be in the bridal party, I would consider that a gift in itself. Also, as others have said, you don’t know what she’s dealing with privately. She may have had to decide between not attending & coming with a gift. That was probably an awkward decision for her so it seems unkind to rub it in. If she really was just a bad friend or rude person, I think you would know it already.

Post # 13
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

MrsBuesleBee:  That is what I thought was the proper etiqutte? We had some people not bring a card ect, I was under the impression I do not need to send a thank you for attending as it would seem like fishing for gifts? Now im confused

 

Post # 14
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 

Boxerlover24:  From my understanding….. you send a thank you card to guests that attended the wedding.  Basically a “thank you for celebrating our special day with us”.  For those guests that brought a gift “thank you for celebrating with us.  We greatly appreciate your generous gift”.

IMO… everyone that attends gets a card…. regardless of gift.

IMO…. everyone gets a card that did not attend but sends a gift……..

 

Post # 15
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Boxerlover24:  yes you are correct, that is the proper etiquette. Maybe if they flew in from abroad you could thank them for being there, but you don’t just send TY notes to whoever attends.

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