- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
FI and I bought FCIL a crockpot for her bridal shower and we never got a thank you note. I don't really blame her for this, as her step-sister and step-grandmother were supposed to be filling these out and sending them. But, they should've let her know that they couldn't handle that task. I bought an old friend of mine a wedding gift that I really could've done without buying. I felt she deserved it, though. Seven weeks later, I still haven't received a thank you. Her honeymoon was six days, she's had time. She doesn't work, so I know for a fact she's had time. Then, FMIL and I haven't received a thank you from other FCIL who got married today. We got her a shower gift and we've never gotten a thank you.
I know this is a common theme here on the etiquette boards, but I haven't really experienced it until recently. When you go out of your way to make a meaningful purchase for someone with your own money, it is only fair to be recognized in some sort of way.
I totally agree but sorry to say simple things like etiquette are lost on most people.
I had a no gifts wedding so I only have to fill out a handful thank-you notes. I didn't have a bridal shower or even a hen party because everyone seems to be hurting financially.
I agree! A friend of mine got married a year ago and has never sent out thank you notes, even though she's talked about needing to. I think it's so rude, we put a lot of effort into their wedding!
We went to 5 different weddings between April and July this year, bought gifts for each couple, and it's November and we've only received TY cards from 2 of them. I would never not send TY cards, but what can you do?
It's only been seven weeks?
It took me 2.5 months to get mine out. And I just got a ty for a wedding from May last week. Life gets in the way, and they either do or they don't. And some people ust don't care about etiquette and it's one of those things you store away for future reference.
You seem to have a lot of issues with your in-laws - hopefully they aren't as bad as they seem, because it's likely that things will not change after the wedding. And unless they aren't going to be a big part of your life, it can really make life hell. I grew up in a house where the in-laws hated my mother with a passion. Somehow, my parents are still married, but it's done irreparable harm to their relationship and to us kids as well.
@hisgoosiegirl: ?? I'm not sure how this turned into my in-laws hating me? or me hating them? I actually don't hate my FILs at all. Well, I despise my FSIL and don't care for my FBIL and have had occasional issues with FCIL... other than that, there is a whole, huge family that I adore and am happy to be apart of... and they feel the same way about me. I sometimes vent about FSIL, FBIL, and FCIL here but that's because I sometimes need to get things off my chest and have nowhere else to go. Like I said, FCIL's lack of a thank you for the crockpot really wasn't her fault because someone else planned to do them for her. The other FCIL is a very, very sweet person and she and I get along fabulously. I'm just shocked she hasn't done thank yous yet. She's a stickler for rules and perfection, a very "proper" person. The other person wasn't an in-law at all. Like I said, she is an old friend. Yeah, seven weeks isn't always enough time for someone who works and stuff. But everyday she gets on FB claiming she's bored at home with nothing to do. Why not tackle some thank you cards, you know?
Just try to chill a little bit--some people take longer to send theirs out than others.
I haven't gotten a ty from my uncle whose wedding was in February. I had to travel to NJ for the wedding, take time off work and still got him a gift. My parents (my dad is his brother) did not get one either and I know they gave a very generous gift on top of travelling to the wedding. We were my uncle's only family members to attend. And to top it all off, he and his wife RSVP'd to my wedding and decided to tell my dad (not me!) that they weren't coming 2 weeks before the wedding. My parents have the card from him to give me, and you can bet once I send it I will be sending him a thank you note!
It's permissible to send out thank you's up to a year after your wedding. Life gets in the way sometimes. Mine totally got sent out just under the year mark due to multiple life situations getting in the way. Better late than never.
Well from my understanding a couple who gets married technically have 1 year to send out thank yous out. I would just really chill. And honestly what are you going to do with that thank you? Just throw it away anyway.
The FCIL who just got married today may just be sending her thanks yous at once, like "thank you for the wedding and shower gift" to save some paper.
@Pinksapphire: I guess that was a wrong assumption on my part. You seem to have at least one rant/vent post a week about your in-laws (mostly about living with them). I'm just trying to warn that it will not improve after the wedding - in my mom's case, it got much, much worse. So it wasn't just about this thread, but several I've seen recently.
In any case, hopefully the thank yous show up. If it still really bothers you, you could always ask them the next time you see them how they liked 'x' gift or if they've been able to use them.
Unfortunately, you are mistaken. Guests have up to a year to send you a gift, but you are still expected to respond with the thank you as soon as possible. The gold standard is to send the thank you note before you go to sleep on the night your receive the gift.
Guests should understand though at the time of a wedding you will have lots of notes to write and should give you a grace period. 7 weeks is more then enough grace, IMO. Even if they took a one month honeymoon, it still gives them 3-4 weeks in which to write the notes.
@andielovesj: what about if you are waiting for photos to come back? I had to wait over 8 weeks for that, another 10 days to have my thank yous made, and mailed mine about 3 weeks after that. I'm sure that 'etiquette' dictates that I do not wait for photos, but I know multiple guests appreciated getting to see a few pictures of the day, so I would rather do that than have mailed them immediately.
I guess as long as I get one at some point, I don't care.
@andielovesj: There are no etiquette police around here, thanks. Shit happens, life gets in the way, people have lives and jobs and kids. Emily Post says 3 months for traditional etiquette but it's commonly accepted to take up to a year nowadays.
Like I said before, better late than never. Would you rather get a thanks a year after or no thanks at all?
@hisgoosiegirl: DITTO!!! We are waiting for wedding photos to come back to do our thank you cards. I got married last weekend and have to wait 6-8weeks for photos. Which is cutting it close to christmas too for us. So I am sure all our guest will get a TY note and and Christmas card at the same time, LOL.
I personally have a gotten a TY from 2weeks later to 6months later. I never thought the bride and groom never apprerciated our gifts. I understand that LIFE gets in the way.
@irishbride2be: My BFF got married last September and sent out her thank-yous as their Christmas card. I thought it was so cute. And I was totally, whoa it took three whole months to get these out? I rescinded that thought real quick after my wedding. Life got so crazy that I actually felt pretty proud that I got them out just under the 3-month mark.
Congrats on your marriage, btw!
@hisgoosiegirl: ohh that is a good idea we could just double up on them both and I dont think anyone would this twice about it.
THanks so much. Loving the married life.
7.5 weeks is not bad at all - I hope for your sake that your guests do not judge your wedding, thank you cards, etc., as harshly as you do others. She's probably unpacking gifts, trying to restore order in her house after last minute wedding craziness, tons of relatives wanting to visit and talk about the wedding and honeymoon, catch up on the work she missed for the wedding and honeymoon, etc. I think you could stand to lower your expectations a bit and cut other people some slack.
@Pinksapphire: 7.5 weeks isnt bad at all! they may be waiting for pro pics? many people use those for their thank you notes now.
@zippylef: I didn't say I was policing anyone. You posted a common misconception which I refuted.
I do not know of any etiquette source that says it is ok to thank your guests a year later.
@hisgoosiegirl: Etiquette doesn't care about photocards. Only that you thank your guests in a timely manner. If guests are that keen on pictures there is the option of a second mailing.
I just got a thank you card for a wedding I attended SIX MONTHS AGO. I've hung out with the girl since the wedding, and after a while I felt like, "Um, shouldn't you be at home working on those thank you cards?"
Etiquette didn't care about my wedding photos but I did...took me 2.5 months to get my pics back and TY notes made, written, and mailed...don't give up hope yet OP!
edit: It took me less than a week to mail bridal shower thank you notes though, so I'm sorry you didn't get one of those yet. :(
@andielovesj: Well then I guess I'm an etiquette rogue who will be shunned by the masses. Have you bought stamps lately? No way would I have waited to pay and send pics later to people who would have just liked to see a few and not pay to get actual prints.
If any of my guests were deeply offended that my thank you came past the etiquette deadline circled in red on their calendar, they can deal. Life must be difficult for those who keep track of such petty things.
And I received multiple compliments on the thank yous - from both sides of the family, young and old. So I think the few extra weeks were well worth it.
It was my goal to get them all out under 8 weeks - but we didn't wait for photos. If it was a big wedding, the new-wife is no doubt trying to do a fair amount of cards. DH and I had a smallish wedding, and we still had 80 to do.
Sometimes I feel like thank you cards are a "damned if you do" kinda situation. We had them out in 8 weeks, and had 1 person ask why it took so long. We hand wrote a good sized note (think three short paragraphs) on each one, and someone asked why I had signed my new husband's name for him b/c "that was rude" of me to do.
Really, though, I keep going back to the number of TY's to do. We had 80ish, and would try to do 3 each every night after dinner. It felt like it would never end!
I am shocked that people think it is okay to send thank you's a year after the wedding! Yes, life and things get in the way; however, if my guest thinks enough of me and takes the time to pick me out a gift (whether in the store or online), then I am going to make the time and think enough of them to write them a thank you note (no matter how many I have to write).. in a TIMELY manner. Plus, if it takes that long to write a thank you, guests may wonder if you ever received the gift. I want people to know I received the gift and it is appreciated.
I've been to three weddings this year (one before mine, two after) and we haven't received thank you cards from ANY of them. I sent ours out the month after the wedding, while I was still in planning mode. It's kind of... rude.
My cousin had a baby shower in March. I still have not rec'd a thank you card, my mom just rec'd her Friday!! My sister had a baby shower Oct 29. Her thank you card was rec'd last Monday! Just over a week after her baby shower! That is insane. I don't care if it's just a baby shower...it's just common sense!
I spent a shload on one of my dear friends' wedding gifts in June and haven't heard boo from her. They definitely cashed my check but since then it's been crickets chirping. It makes me sad, especially since I'm a small business owner and every penny is so valuable to me. Five of the other weddings we went to this year have sent their thank yous already. Sigh.
I went to three weddings this past summer and I havent recieved a thankyou card from any of them and I dont really care. I got mine out (mostly) within 3-4 months after the wedding, because we were busy moving into our new apartment in a new city and finding jobs after being laid off from our old ones. There is still a small stack of cards waiting to be addressed to my husbands family, that was his only responsibility, a whole 6 cards to family whos addresses we dont have, and at nearly 5 months out I am still waiting for him to get these addresses and send out the cards, so they must think we are terribly rude. But I am not going to get in a tizzy about my friends and cousins who havent sent theirs out yet, its a huge chore when you have 150 + cards to write and I will just throw it away anyway.
I'm sorry, this is just annoying to me!! Yes, it is a chore to write a bunch of thank you's! I hate writing! Yes, people will throw the thank you away!! IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT YOU TOOK THE TIME TO WRITE THEM A THANK YOU THAT COUNTS!! They spent time getting you a gift... can us brides not be a tad bit considerate and spend some time writing thank you's??! To me, the "chore" thing and the "they will just throw it away anyways" is an excuse to be rude. Sorry.
@bobanna: I don't think anyone here is saying not to write them. Most of us are just saying that it might take a bit longer than 7 weeks to get them out.
I see your wedding is coming up soon - with the holidays so soon afterward, you too might see that sometimes things come up that cause it to take a bit longer to get things done. And maybe not - but try to understand that for some brides, things do come up. Like the poor bride tonight whose dog dumped pop all over her completed thank yous and she has to start all over.
@hisgoosiegirl: Lol. I did not see that post about the bride whose dog dumped pop on the ty's! I'm sure she is not laughing and I do feel for her.
By the way- I think it was sweet that you waited to send a pic with the ty's. I would have liked it :)
@hisgoosiegirl: Exactly
Im not saying Brides shouldnt write them, but I am not going to get upset about such a small thing unless we get to a year out and I still havent gotten a thank you note. Its a stupid thing to get mad at a friend over when I know well how life can get in the way, I dont have a problem cutting them some slack.
For us we have been married almost two months and I just ordered our thank you cards today. They won't be here until about the end of the month and then we will have to write on them all. We will be lucky to have them out by Christmas. But we have personally thanked most of our guests for their gifts, we just wanted to make sure we could include a photo with the thank you.
@bobanna: thank you - the card itself had seven pics from our wedding on it and we heard from a lot of people who really liked it.
FWIW, if I think of it and it's been more than 6 months without a thank-you, I'd wonder. But luckily, that hasn't happened yet, so my friends must be on the up-and-up etiquette-wise.
While thank you cards are not optional, your timeline is not realistic. We went on a 7 day honeymoon and I had no desire to sit down and write thank you notes while spending time with my new husband. I got married in September and just got my pictures back recently. Because I wanted to include some wedding pictures on my thank you notes, I haven't sent them out yet. I certainly hope my guests will appreciate the fact that I waited a little longer to get their cards out when they see them instead of complaining about the time it took. Aren't you supposed to have like a 6 month window anyway? As a newlywed, I've enjoyed spending time with my new husband getting our house together and setting up our lives together.
I think the comment about her having a 6 day honeymoon so she's had time is hilarious...I just got back yesterday from my 6 day honeymoon and guess what I didn't do or think about while I was away...wait for it....yep, you guessed it...my thank you cards.
Just be happy when you get one and not concern yourself with what everyone around you is doing.
I do have to echo what @hisgoosiegirl: has said about your repeated complaints about IL's. Word of advice....just chill out and worry about what you can control..which is yourself. It will probably make things less stressful for you.
@hisgoosiegirl: I agree with, like, everything you've posted here.
@Pinksapphire: 7 1/2 weeks is not very long to wait for a thank you card. If it were six months, I guess I might see your point with this. But less than two months? The strictest etiquette guidelines I've seen have recommended two and a half months as the ideal window of time in which to send thank you cards.
I'm with you but sadly its overlooked far too much these days. I can only hope to lead by example when my time comes. Getting thank you notes out will be a priority for us.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 92 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 51 |
| ndreighton | 51 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| MrsPom | 36 |
| Beckster329 | 36 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| violet25 | 14 |
| stardustintheeyes | 12 |
| BetterSherm | 11 |
| mainejen | 8 |
| rebwana | 7 |
| mags2233 | 6 |
| MsPoodles | 6 |
| strawbs | 6 |
| les105 | 5 |
| Beckster329 | 5 |
