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Hm, I guess I would just send them to people who gave a gift. Assuming that you verbally thanked everyone for coming already.
But I'll be interested to see what others say.
Everyone who attends gets a thank you. If you sent any thank you notes for gifts sent before the wedding, you do not need to send a second one.
We didn't send thank yous to people who attended. We figured that feeding them and giving them free booze was enough of a thanks.
I was always told that everyone who attends gets a TY. I haven't verified this with any source other than my mother, however.
Yea I think everyone who attends gets a thank you note and if they gave a gift and you havent already sent them one include that in the note as well :)
Whoa, seriously?!?!?! I've never heard this before, we only sent TY's for gifts recieved...
@trailmix: I've only ever heard about it since I started reading weddingbee! We will only be sending thank yous for gifts received.
I'm definitely in the "thank yous are for gifts" camp. You/your family are the hosts of the wedding and gave your guests a token of appreciation for their attendance in the form of food, drink, and entertainment.
Perhaps if they didn't get you a gift, but did something like a reading or a musical performance, then I would still send a thank you for their participation. But just being a "regular" guest...no obligation there.
I say thank yous for all that attend. In your notes, you thank people for the gifts AS WELL as their attendance. but if they don't give a gift, their attendence means nothing?
I understand its rude not to give a gift. I would never go to a wedding empty handed, but it seems really shallow to snub people for their bad ettiquette. Its not etiquette is "an eye for an eye".
I'm surprised that I seem to be in the minority. does anyone think its proper to send thank yous to all attending guests, regardless of gifts?
I don't think that you are snubbing people who attended and didn't give gifts by not sending them a thank you card. It doesn't seem like "an eye for an eye" retaliation...I just don't think that people who attended need to be sent thank you cards.
We sent thank you cards to everyone who gave us a gift, and also to some people who had to travel a long way to attend (but didn't give us a gift). I wasn't being rude to the others by not sending them a thank you card for their attendance...I thanked them at the wedding, and anything more seems like overkill to me!
I'm only doing thank yous for those who gave a gift or card. I am giving favors to all guests with a little thank you for attending note on the bottom at the wedding. So I think this is sufficient. I'm also doing a speech thanking everyone for coming at the wedding reception.
I just thought of one more thing to add...would you thank people with a personal thank you card if they came to a party at your house? It seems like you would thank them for attending when you saw them, but sending them a thank you card just for coming to your party is like crazy overkill to me. I feel like it's the same thing for a wedding, if people attended and didn't bring a gift. Of course you are happy they are there, but I don't think they need to be sent a thank you note just for attending.
I'm curious to know how exactly you would write thank you cards to EVERYONE who attended. My wedding had 300 guests and if it weren't for the gifts and cards we received, I would have NO recollection of who actually made it and who didn't in the weeks following. Not all of our guests signed our guest book and some of the guests who rsvp'd "yes" did not come, and some who rsvp'd "no" showed up. We thanked each and every one of our guests for coming on the day of the wedding, but I think that is probably plenty. I would feel TERRIBLE if I mistakenly sent a thank you to someone who I thought was there but actually was not.
I would send one to everyone who attended - thank people for their travel, their time, and their presence. :)
Hold the phone - People attended your wedding and didn't give you a gift?! No thank you! You and your parents hosted them at an event. Thank you notes are for gifts, or if they did something for you (like made the flower arrangements or officiated the ceremony, etc).
@mrs.rader: Simply hosting an event where you are REQUESTING the presence of a guest (which means they are taking time out of their day and likely traveling to your location) does not, by any means, require that guest to give you a gift. The primary reason for a guest to attend a wedding is to celebrate the bride and groom, not to give a gift. They should be thanked in some way for attending, whether it be a thank you card or in person on the day of the wedding.
We are most definitely sending a thankyou card to all those that attended our wedding, AND to all the people who were so sweet to sent us a nice card to congratulate us, regardless of whether they gave us a gift. To us, the fact that they were there to share our special day with us is the most important, and we'd like to thank them for that. The lovely gifts we have recieved are ofcourse an added bonus which we really appreciate, but we honestly would have been fine had people not brought us gifts. We plan on making a photo-postcard and will be adding a personal message.
@chocolatemalt: I can see what you mean by the party thing, but then I wonder: do you send out special thank you cards to those who brought you a gift to a party you held at your place? I wouldn', as I would thank them for coming and gifting me right there and then.
Our wedding however is something special, different from any other party, gathering or birthday get together I can think of. So to me/us sending out the thank you cards is not just to thank them for any gifts we might have recieved but also to thank them for sharing with us that very special moment. :)
I plan on sending out a TY note to EVERYONE who attends our wedding. Gift or NO gift. My fiance doesn't even want to register for gifts and would like to have us set up a fund where they can donate to a local food bank. Honestly, I will not be offended if people don't give us gifts or make donations, or whatever, considering we will have people coming in from out of state, out of the country and I truly believe their presence is the present. That's just me though.
Every guest receives a thankyou note. Whether they brought a gift or not is irrelevant.
From an etiquette standpoint, thank you notes should be written for gifts, not for attending.
I know people mean well, but it can look like you are pointing out that they didn't get you a gift.
Um, I think I'd send everyone a gift. Because I am thankful that they shared in my day with me. Though I'd never thought about that before now! :)
@cakegal:I agree with this. I think sending a thank you card to someone who attended but did not give a gift would be like pointing out "thanks for coming [where the hell was the gift?]." But I am a little sensitive so maybe that's just me.
Overall, I would agree that the reception, food, and drinks as well as a verbal "thanks for coming!" is good enough. Those who sent gifts or cards will get a thank you in the mail.
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Hey Bees,
Quick question--we're getting ready to write thank you cards--everyone who attended our wedding gets one, right? Or just those who gave us a gift? What's the actual thank you card for?
Sorry, when I type it, it sounds so dumb...