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What is the etiquette for guest that came to the wedding but did not give a gift (or even a card?!?!?) I have a handful of couples that came gift/ cardless, I guess I should be sending the card, but how should I word it (nicely)?
"Dear Ms. Guest,
Thank you for attending our wedding. You made a great day even more special by being a part of it. It was so nice to catch up with you & share some stories/laughs/drinks, etc. Once we get settled into married life we'd love to have you over.
Sincerely/Love/Always,
The Crashes"
I had a few of those, and I don't know what the etiquette is, but I definitely sent thank yous. I think I said something like "Thank you so much for sharing our day. It meant a lot to be surrounded by those we love."
Etiquette requires that you send thank-you notes for any *gifts* you receive. It also requires that any *guest* who is hosted to dinner send a thank-you note the next day to his or her hostess, thanking her for her hospitality.
Now, you can send a friendly hand-written note to whomever you like, any time you like, especially if your photographer has sold you some of those nice post-wedding photo-cards. You can express your gratitude for people coming to share your day if you want to -- assuming you feel sincerely grateful. But you don't have to. And if no post-dinner letters flow back and forth between you and people who didn't give any gift, the etiquette police will be taking the names of those *guests* who didn't send their next-day bread-and-butter letters.
if they didnt get me a gift I am not thanking them for nothing...what exactly am I thanking them for? attending and having to pay $60 a head for them?
It's poor taste and tacky to attend someone's wedding and not even bring a card.
I agree with pat291, that is so rude.. I wouldn't even waste the postage lol
I only plan on sending a thankyou card to those who gave a gift. Thanking people for coming to your wedding is what favours are for.
I'm only sending thank you cards to those who give a gift or card as well. Honestly I don't think that someone who does not bring a gift or card will expect a thank you.
EDIT: I would send a thank you to a guest who had to travel and did not bring a gift.
I am in this situation right now and don't know what to do. About ten couples came but did not give a card or gift. I totally do not want to send them thank-you's. To be honest, I think they are very rude people. One friend of mine who married 5 years ago sent thank-you's to anyone who came to her wedding,but maybe I am a little bitter that these cheapo's came to my wedding and didn't bring so much as a card. And, anyone who did not give a gift is not being invited over for dinner or to come stay over at our house in the future. The interesting thing is that the "no gifters" were all from my husband's side.
I just gave thank you's to the people who gave a gift. Hubs and I thanked all of our guests personally during the reception plus we had a receiving line. The only "thank you" left to say was for the gifts we received after the fact, thus only the gift-givers need a further thank you.
It doesn't hurt to take the high road and send a thank you. Good karma, if nothing else. :)
I'm only thanking people who actually got us a gift. Everyone got a favor for attending and we went around to all the tables at dinner and thanked people for coming. I don't need to spend the postage and the cost of the thank you sending them a card too when they didn't get us a gift.
I agree with @ SapphireSun, cards are for people who gave you gifts, favors are thank yous for coming!
I will only be giving thank you cards to those that give a card/gift.
People have up to a year after a wedding to send a gift, so it seems a bit mean to write them off as cheapos this early in the game. Attending weddings can be expensive business, especially for out of towners. It isn't necessary to send no-gifters a thank you card, but I see no reason not to.
Gifts aren't mandatory for attendance - otherwise you'd have someone checking for them before allowing guests into the wedding. Or you'd have a statement in your invitation about 'Gifts are required for attendance' - I'm with the PPs who believe in thanking those who attended. Did you only invite people for the gifts they might give you? Be gracious and thank them for being a part of your day - isn't that what counts the most?
Maybe the gift or card is still on the way? I've heard of brides receiving gifts months after weddings.
Although it was pretty rude to show up without a gift!
well some people might be mad at me, but any wedding I've attended, I've always done a gift from a registry online and sent to the couple directly, and therefore didn't bring anything TO the wedding. And yes, sometimes the gift got sent out late, but they've always gotten something. So maybe they were doing something like that? If you get a gift later, then send the Thank You note. if you don't get anything ever, there's no need to send a Thank you card
I just said "Thank you for sharing our special day with us, we hope to see you soon". And if there was anything specific going on in their lives, I commented on it like "Congratulations for graduating college" or whatever.
@ elliej -- What did you do for weddings where the bride didn't register? In my area we only register for the shower.
@east coast bride--I've never heard of a bride not registering(!?) I guess it's a Southern thing? It's standard practice for brides to register where I live, so I've never actually had to deal with that situation. But if its not a standard practice everywhere, then I guess this differently! LOL
They attended your wedding so they still deserve a thank you note, since they didn't have to attend and could have stayed home doing something else. A guest has up to a year to get you a gift, and it's not required for them to get you anything, even a card, so that should not be held over their heads. Maybe they couldn't afford a gift at the moment. You don't know their circumstances as to why they didn't bring one so it makes you look bad by not sending a thank you.
I've honestly never ever ever heard of sending a TY to every wedding guest...We sent thank you's to those who gave us a gift but I don't see a reason to send a TY note to every single guest, we had almost 200 people at our wedding! I guess it's a personal decision but I wouldn't worry if you don't send cards to guests who'm you haven't recieved a gift from, I doubt they're expecting one!
I have to agree with some of the other posters here. Favours are thanking people for coming to the wedding. Thank you cards are thanking them for the gift.
TWO out of our 90 guests didnt bring gifts (which i thuoght was pretty good!) I have NEVER heard of anyone NOT bringing a gift until i saw other brides on wedding bee talking about it...I thought "who would do that??!!!" and then some people didnt for ours!!! :p
I DID NOT send them thank you cards. I DID however go to The Bay where i registered and got the names of people who bought us gifts but we hadnt recieved them yet and sent them a thank you card. Its a month past my wedding and i still dont have the gift but they already have a thank you card from me thank them for it :)
I am not sending thank you's to those who didn't bring a card/gift ... I already fed them, gave them wine, gave them a favour, and thanked them at the wedding ... so I think they have had enough "thanks". If I get a present at some time this year, they will get a thank-you card then (that being said I can count the number of guests who didn't send a gift on one hand)
@Ms Mini: My thoughts exactly. If they didn't bring a card/gift to the wedding (or send one ahead of time), they don't get a thank you note. Now, if they happen to send a card/gift later, THEN they get a note... and at that point, you can thank them (again) for coming.
I sent one to everyone, even the few guests who didn't gift us. I figured it was good karma/the "proper" thing to do (ie; just because they were rude, you don't need to be rude back.) Also, it might remind someone who intended to send a gift at a later date to do so.
Here's a reason to send a thank you card, even if you didn't receive a gift or card: The gift/card may have been stolen or not shipped from the registry.
If you send a thank you card, that does not specifically mention a gift, the person who sent you the gift may call it to your attention. If you send nothing, and the person actually did give you a gift-- they think you're the rude one!
A good friend of mine is still wondering whether a mutual friend of ours ever received her gift, or whether he was just rude and didn't write thank yous.
Also...some of the guests might still send a gift. I have been guilty of this in the past. But if I didn't get a gift within a week of the wedding, I made sure to tell the couple that the gift was on it's way. I wasn't planning on thanking people who didn't give a gift...but now I'm thinking twice about it.
Funny that it seems that we all have multiple people who didn't gift!
@AEMalmostK Thats an easy fix. Just go to the place you are registered at! There are some things on our registry that were purchased but we never recieved so we just went to the store. They have a list it Said "John Doe purchased the creamer, sugar jar and pitcher for you...its super popular so you wont get it for awhile" then i went home and sai "Thank you John Doe etc. etc." I didnt have the gift yet but i knew it was on its way :)
If i do recieve a gift or card later then i would simply just send out a quick thank you card! :)
We have just one guest who didn't give a gift. I'm holding off on her thank-you for now, because my mother keeps reminding me that she has up to a year to send a gift. I'll probably end up sending her one anyway in the coming weeks.
Thanks for all the opinions on the matter. I've decided to just send TY's to people who gave a gift, and if people send a gift after I've mailed out the TY's then that is when I'll mail their's out.
We had 17 individuals or couples that didn't give a gift (I counted!) and unless they traveled a long way for the wedding, I didn't send them a thank you note. I agree with @Ms_Mini--I think they got enough thanks from me for their attendance, considering I thanked all of them in person, gave each one a favor and fed & entertained them. If they end up sending a gift later (which I doubt) I will of course send them a thank you note then.
Just a note - guests have a whole year after a wedding to give a gift.
I just love Emily Post's advice on this issue:
http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous
I've never heard of sending a thank you card to a guest just for coming. I wouldn't do it and here's why.... It could be misinterpreted as a snarky or passive-aggressive way of calling a guest out for not giving a gift. You never know why someone didn't give one; it could be that they just haven't gotten around to it yet or just donn't have the money. I'd probably be embarrassed if I didn't bring a gift to the wedding and then I got a card from the bride and groom. I know the intentions are good here, but I think it would be a little awkward. IMO it's better etiquette to tell your guests in person, at the wedding, that you're glad and thankful that they came.
My wedding was in June and I had a few people that replied they were coming and then didn't show. I haven't heard from them and through the grapevine of friends heard their kids were sick or something but I still haven't heard from the people that cancelled. They never even sent a gift.
I also have people that attended and never gave a gift or card or anything. My sister and brother of my groom even came and no gift they each brought their mates and at $100 a plate I at least expect a card with well wishes. I didn't expect people to pay the price of their plates but at least a compliment. They never even said good-bye at the end of the night...just left.
How do you handle a situation like these FREE LOADING Family & Friends?????
am I over reacting? should I just let it go? HELP!
J
@jakealooloo: Also do I send these people a Thank-you or that being sarcastic?
@seven12: That's exactly why I don't plan to send thank-you cards if the guest didn't give a gift. We had a few friends who traveled thousands of miles just for our wedding and didn't give a separate gift - we're so happy they came, their presence was more than enough for us. We made sure to spend time with them and thank them for coming, so sending them cards seems passive-aggressive to me.
Maybe I feel this way because I tend to be cynical and sarcastic, but I think it's one of those situations where more is not better.
@jakealooloo: I think you just have to let it go. What exactly would you be thanking them for?
Yeah..I had a bunch of those..so I just thanked them for 'adding to the joyful spirit of our wedding day with your presence something like that.
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