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Yes. You send a thank you for attending. Gifts are not required and guests do have up to a year to send them.
I totally agree with Ember. I have purposely not brought a gift to a wedding (to avoid anyone in the bridal party having to schlepp it around!) and then sent a gift after the couple had returned from their honeymoon (or thereabouts).
I disagree.
Thank you notes are a must for your attendants or anyone who helped with the wedding in any capacity, even if they did not give a gift. If all the person did was attend the wedding, no thanks is required beyond a verbal thanks at the wedding. If you receive a gift later, send a note promptly.
I used Peggy Post's etiquette guide.
http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/etiquette/postings/wedding_thankyous.htm
I didn't send a thank you to people who attended the wedding without a gift - I thanked them personally at the wedding for coming, and gave them a meal, free drinks, and entertainment to thank them for coming.
For guests who sent gifts after the wedding, I send out thank you notes as we receive them.
I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it if you want to, but I don't think it's necessary.
I agree with the thanking people personally, that's why the rounds are made during the reception. i don't think that anyone expects a thank you card if they don't send a gift. however if they helped out a great deal at the wedding or something like that, then defintiely send a thank you card.
What I have heard is that you send a written thank-you to all guests who attended, regardless of gift given or not. I just finished my thank-you notes last weekend, and we were married about 2 months ago. If I recieve a gift from this point forward, I will send an additional thank-you to show the guest my appreciate for their gift.
We had a small wedding (only 86 guests), but we sent thank you notes to everyone, even those who didn't bring gifts. For us, it wasn't too many extra people, so it was worth just sending them.
I disagree with those who posted that you're expected to send a thank you card to people who don't bring a gift. It may be true that a wedding gift is not a requirement/is not expected (although that really depends on who you ask), but neither is a thank you card. :) The empty-handers may send a gift later, for one, and it would be rude to preempt them. For two (and, I think, more importantly), you should thank everyone for coming in person: a written thank you note is for a gift you've received; the real thanks for attending a wedding is the meal you are served.
I think that you send thank-you's to anyone who brought or sent a gift that you've gotten by the time you're writing TYN's. Then NONE to people who came giftless, and give it a while, in case they use the grace period and send you one after. Then when you feel comfortable, you might send some of them a thank-you for attending if you know they came from aways away, but I think if someone comes and doesn't give you a gift, unless they moved heaven and earth to be there, they don't deserve a TY Note.
I wouldn't send thank you's to non-gift-givers right away because how embarassing would it be if you said "thank you so much for coming!" and sent it, but they sent a gift right after you send the card!
While personally, I think that a verbal thank you at the reception is enough for those who didn't bring gifts (because, as others have said, they get a free meal, booze and dessert as their thank you), I actually wrote thank you cards to our guests who didn't give a gift. But it was only because we had about three people not give gifts, and we had a ton of extra thank you cards :) So we figured, what the hell?
But if it had been a lot of people, and it would have made the daunting task of writing thank yous even more difficult, I wouldn't have sent a thank you to those who didn't bring a gift.
I don't think I can bring myself to write a thank you note to those people who didn't bring a gift OR a card. We paid for most the wedding ourselves and everyone got welcome bags, a free meal, free booze, free cupcakes, and cookies as favors. I think we def did all we could to make our guests feel appreciated & to NOT get a card after that, I just can't bring myself to write them a thank you note......
Unfortunately of the people that didn't give us a card/gift; 4 of them were my BMs, these girls are my closest friends so I'm just hoping that I will get something in the mail.....my feelings are hurt and I'm trying not to say anything to them about it, even though it may come out later....esp considering I bought each one of them BMs gifts and I havn't even recieved a card....arg! fustrated!!!
@AnnieAA I agree with you completely except for the part about your BM. They were in your wedding and shelled out money to be in it. Your gift to them was a thank you for being in your wedding. They are not required nor should be expected to give a gift in return. A thank you note on their part would be nice, but so would one on yours to thank them for all the hardwork they've done to help you before and during your day.
@Br1tSh1ngStar: I agree with you completely, which is why I gave them each a thank you card with their gifts. Its more about the lack of written card vs. lack of a gift that bums me out...
@AnnieAAA : I get it, I had some close friends that came and didn't even give a card. I know they are broke, but it would have been nice to have a little card or something written.
I really disagree with the the thought process "I'M giving YOU you a free meal, drinks, ect... so if you don't bring a gift you don't get a thank you" I think it is...just so wrong. It's like, don't do anybody any favors with that attitude. Just invite your immediate family and save yourself the money.
My guests are invited to my wedding because i want them to party with me and FI and help us have the time of our lives. I want them to drink, and dance, and laugh, not pay for parking(LOL), and remember what a great time they had on my big day. They are there because they are important to us, and if every one of my guests called and told me they couldn't bring a gift i can say without hesitation that I wouldn't give a crap, and they all know that. Sure, I'm excited about my teapot,china,clock ect... that I registered for-but that is not as important as the celebration of my marriage and who is there to celebrate with me.
All of my guests will get a thank you note-because they have all played an important part in my life (and FI's). We are not only thanking them for coming to the wedding, but thanking them for their influence on us. they've shown us how to be good members of a family and how to be good friends (otherwise why would we invite them?). I don't base my relationships based on what is gift wrapped. A gift is not required. The teapot is like **LAST** on the top 100 reasons why I want to thank my guests who are special enough to be invited to my wedding.
EDIT: This is not directed at anoyone specifically who posted on this thread. We all have our own opinions. i'm just sayin...
While I agree that its not a requirement to send a thank you note to those who did not bring a gift, I totally disagree with the concept that it is rude to send one just because they MAY send you a gift later. We sent thank you cards to everyone who attended, regardless of gift or no gift. We were thanking them for spending their money and time to share a very special day in our lives with us.
If someone sends us a gift a couple months from now, we'll send them a thank you card for that, too.
I think its up to you how you want to play it, and I think it depends on how you view their invitation and your planned event. If you view the per-head cost as your "thank you" for attendance, then no note of thanks for no gift received because then you view a gift as above the line and deserving of an extra thanks. If you view their mere attendance, regardless of gift or no gift, as worthy of thanks then send a note to all who attend.
I'm not sending thank you's to anyone who didn't give a gift or a card. I will have personally thanked them for attending at the wedding already, so what additionally am I thanking them for then?
Also, I'd like to point out that I've yet to receive a thank you note for any of the weddings I've attended this entire year, some of which were MONTHS ago, and I gave gifts at every single one. WTF is that about? My engagement party was three weeks ago and I've already sent out all my thank yous for gifts received! People are so f**king lazy.
I only sent thank yous to people who gave gifts.
The people who attend your wedding are your guests- as such you provide them with a meal, entertainment, etc. Hosting guests does not require you to thank them.
When you host a dinner party, do you send out thank you notes to the guests who attended? Nope (well maybe if they gave you a nice hostess gift!).
For our wedding the only guest we got nothing from was my in-laws. Did we still give them a thank you card? Yes, but I can't even remember what we wrote in it because we were so shocked at their lack of effort.
If there were other guests who didn't give us a gift, we wouldn't have sent them a thank you card because we went around at the wedding personally thanking everyone.
I'm in the camp that you send everyone a thank you card, gift or not. Yes you can thank everyone during the actual event for coming, but is there ever such a thing as too much kindness??
I figure even if the person who didn't bring a gift/card doesn't care if they get a thank you, at least I'm earning some extra brownie points upstairs :)
@AnnieAAA I just wanted to tell you that I am in the exact same situation.
My MOH didn't get me a gift...or even a card. People can say that you are not to expect a gift....that's nice and all.....but I doubt many of us REALLY feel that way
I was and am deeply hurt that he couldn't even just write me up a card. I am hurt...and I think that is ok and doesn't make me a bitch.
I really do feel your pain. It's hard as time goes by to not say anything. It just keeps eating at me and making me sad. But I know that I can't say a word...so I just have to deal with it.
I am sorry that your maids left you hanging. It's hard in this wedding world when you see so much of the "ideal". You see parents who are so loving and involved and it can hurt if your parents are the same way. You see peopel who have the the amazing maids who throw them parties and all sorts of special things. If your freinds are not like that ....it can really hurt
In this wedding world of the web...I think it's good to remember that people often don't blog about the other side of things. Often you are jsut going to see the good and the best of the best. It can make you feel alone. I know I felt like the only one who didn't have freinds helping her...didn't have support for my parents....I felt so alone. I had a pity party.
But through board like this I realize that I am NOT alone. So many of us have a "less than ideal"experience.
I know it sucks and I know it's hurtful. But, I hope it helps to know that you are not alone. You are not the only bride who didn't get a gift from their maids.
Maybe a nice "thank you for attending" card will remind your guests that they still haven't purchased/mailed that card gift, ect...
Well, what if they've paid to travel/hotels/babysitters/new clothes/taking off of work ect...I really think it's nice to send "thank you for coming" note even if they didn't bring a gift.
@ Spraguebride: I am so thankful for my BMs, one threw my shower (of which I bought her a gift & wrote a thank you card) another threw my bachelorette party (of which I again bought a gift & wrote a thank you card.) Its just the thing that bugs me the most is the no card, not so much the no gift. I took time out during my busy planning to write them each thank you cards & to not get a card in return is whats hurtful. It's confusing becasue these are my really close friends too...
However, one of my BMs just messaged me that she forgot to give me my card, so I'm thinking my other friends are in the same boat, I'm just going to wait it out :)
As a sidenote, IMO if I get a verbal "congratulations" and no written card, then a verbal "thank you so much for coming" is comparable.
I did not send a thank you card to anyone who did not send a gift. Not trying to be rude, but I thanked them for coming at the wedding and didnt see a reason to send a card otherwise.
Its funny, I hadn't thought about it, but none of my BM's gave me a card either. They all got my husband and I spectacular gifts, but yeah, no cards. Hmph. I just didn't realize it, so I guess it doesn't bother me that much. I think its because they put so much effort in for everything, I just honestly didn't notice the lack of card.
I'm not sure why I didn't get any emails that there was a virtual TON of responses to my post, but I'm glad I strolled upon them anyway.
My fiance and I are registering for gifts because we know that many people will want to buy us gifts to celebrate our wedding. We understand that there will be people who won't buy us gifts, for whatever reason, and that's totally fine with us.
However, we're hosting the mother of all parties and we're inviting people whom we want to share our joy with. On a basic level, their thanks for attending is the evening itself, the food, the alcohol, the entertainment, the bus ride back to their hotel should they choose to opt for that.
I think thank you cards are reserved for people who opt to give us gifts.
Thanks, everyone. I'm excited to have gotten such an interesting dialogue going!
I think thank you cards are for people who give you a gift. Period.
I recently started a post about this exact same thing. I gave out cards in Lieu of favors for all of the charities that we donated to. Although we didn't have alot of guest that came empty handed I do not feel as though a "thank you for Coming" is necessary. We spoke and said thank you to everyone that was in attendence. Isn't that enough?
As far as the bridal party is concerened. Alot of my party lived out of state. I didn't expect anything from any of them, especially after spending money on dress, shoes, bridal shower, Bachleorette party, and plane tickets. Some of them did get us a gift, and we were both very shocked, and appreciative.
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Our wedding isn't until March, but another post got me wondering:
Are couples expected to send thank you cards to guests who don't send a gift or bring a card to the wedding?