Thank you cards – need advice

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

that’s hard.

are you sad that you’re no longer friends?  There aren’t a lot of details about WHY she went awol on you so I don’t really know.

I would perhaps just thank her for all she did for your wedding, mention the highlights and, if you want, you could indicate that you hope to see her/talk to her soon. (but if you have no desire to rekindle the friendship leave that part out)

Post # 4
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@KMC2Be:  If you are trying to mend your relationship, send her one. If not, I say don’t bother. 8 months is a LONG time after a wedding to send out thank yous, especially to someone you had a falling out with. If you want to use this as a way to reach out, go for it. Otherwise, skip it.

Post # 5
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you need to send one.  Just thank her for the positive things she did for the wedding/shower, and as PP said, say if you’d like to see her again soon, but skip that part if you’re done with the relationship.

Post # 6
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@jessicadarling:  8 months isn’t THAT long for wedding thank yous, lots of people don’t get them out right away, especailly if you have a large wedding.  

Post # 7
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MsGinkgo:  I think proper wedding etiquette states you should get them out within 3 months of your wedding. If I had a huge falling out with a bride and 8 months later she sent me a thank you note, I’d probably think “wtf!” That’s just me, though 🙂

Post # 9
Member
11717 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jessicadarling:  I agree..  Eight months is a really, really, really long time, and I’d wonder what took so long.  I had my thank you notes out to everyone within three weeks of the wedding – which overlapped with finishing my master’s degree and my husband having emergency surgery. 

Post # 11
Member
9092 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@KMC2Be:  Did you give thank you notes at the rehearsal dinner or day of the wedding to your bridesmaids for their help/support?

I can’t tell from your posts if she actually gave you a wedding gift.  If not, I don’t believe you actually even owe her an additional thank you.

Post # 12
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

TRUST ME on this…. Take the high-road.

Write a sweet thank you for all that she did to help plan for your wedding. Mention the parties, the gifts, and her friendship.

Even if your feelings are not very sincere…do it anyway. You will feel better looking back on it that you took the high road out of this relationship.  You don’t need to include anything about the future or meeting up… just a thank you. Because you DO have things to thank her for.

Suck it up and do the right thing. It’s hard when they’re still bitter feelings, but do it anyway.

Post # 13
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would just send a generic sounding thank you note and don’t mention or allude to your defunct friendship.

Post # 14
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@fzesguer:  this would probably be my move.

A generic thank you card and on the inside write “thank you for taking part in our special day. Well wishes, bride and groom”

…if I sent a note at all. I also have an ex best friend (8 years of basically being sisters and then she decided she couldn’t handle me being bi and didn’t want to be in my life anymore) and I wouldn’t send a TY card to her if I was in your situtaion

Post # 15
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@KMC2Be:  I don’t think anyone was attacking you personally! That’s just the “official” etiquette stance. Things definitely do happen, and I agree, better late than never.. In MOST circumstances.  I just think that if I was your ex-friend and receiving a generic thank you 8 months after the fact, I was would be wondering where the hell it was coming from and WHY? You said yourself you’ve been to weddings and NEVER received a thank you note, so I just think sending her one now would a) be seen as reaching out to rekindle your friendship or b) be stirring shit up. But maybe it will simply go ignored and you will never hear from her again. If you will feel better sending a note, do it! And definitely send them out to other guests who you’re still on good terms with. I just think if my best friend decided to stop being my friend AT my wedding, that person would be written out of my life for good, and I would not waste the time or paper sending them any wishes.

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