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@sessaj: Send a thank you to anyone who gave a card/gift.
If you send thank yous to those who attended but did not bring a card/gift it may be seen as fishing for a gift after the fact.
Only to those you receive a gift/card from... I think my exception would be if it was a destination wedding or some other extinuating circumstance that you knew made it tought for them to join you.
Only necessary to those who brought/sent a gift....your reception was the thank you for everyone else that came.
I would send a thank you card to everyone, if they hadn't given a card/gift I would thank them for attending. I don't think it would be perceived as fishing for a gift.
I'm having a destination wedding, and I'm planning to send a thank you to everyone for attending. They're taking time off from work, driving/flying to get there, and spending money for a hotel room.
If I wasn't planning a destination wedding, I don't think I would send a thank you to everyone that attended. I'd just send them to the ones who gave gifts/cards.
There were 2 people who didn't bring a gift to my wedding. I sent them both Thank yous saying how great it was to see them at the wedding and thanked them for sharing our special day. We appreciated the fact they came. We were surprised neither brought a present or card but were still thankful they came!
I don't know anybody who's sent out thank you cards to people who attended but didn't bring a card/gift. The only exception I can think of is if someone travelled a really long distance to be there.
We thanked all our guests individually when we made the rounds at cocktail hour, and collectively when we gave our toast at the reception. If any of them hadn't given gifts, I would not feel any obligation to send them a written thank you just for their presence at our wedding.
I'm with the majority, if it's not a destination wedding, then I would only send thank you's to those who brought a card or gift.
Etiquette wise, if they attended but did not give a gift or card you should NOT write a thank you because it can be seen as a gift grab (even if you write it with the purest intentions).
That's from Miss Manners.
I agree with most of you... I wouldn't have thought to write a thank you to people who attended but did not give a card or a gift. If it had been a destination wedding I would think a thank you would be appropriate regardless.
We sent thank you cards to everyone who attended--because the weather was so crappy, we really appreciated people showing up at all!
I'm sending thank you cards to those who gave a gift/card and to a few close friends who gifted us with their talents on our big day...
2 friends learned & performed all our Ceremony music, I had 2 friends step in for DOC.. 1 primary and 1 assisting, and 1 friend gifted us with all our cupcakes...
They'll all be getting a Thank You card and probably a gift from us for our gratitude...
For everyone else... The money I spent on the Reception Venue, Decor, & Food was their Thank You.. lol
For local weddings; only to those who gave gifts and cards.
For DW's; Everyone who attended.
I only sent thank yous to those who gave a gift or card (whether they attended or not).
The reception (and favor if you have them) are thank yous to those guests who attended. Plus, sending them a thank you for no gift could come accross as a gift grab.
Many of our friends didn't give a gift, but we wrote them cards. We talked about it and decided that we were just happy that they came; however, we love using the presents we did receive from the friends who gave them.
I gave TY's to everyone who gave a card or a gift, but not to those who didn't bring anything.
I'm going to send them to those attenting as well but this is because 98% of them have to travel, take time off work etc. So I don't expect them to bring gifts but I definitely want to acknowledge the effort and time to come celebrate with us.
I would agree, only those who gave gifts and/or cards. I mean, if they didn't even give you a card for your wedding, you aren't obligated to give them a thank-you card! ;)
i agree with only sending gifts to those who gave gifts. however, because my wedding was destination, i will sending cards to everyone. most gave gifts actually anyway except for 2 BMs! but i can obviously thank just for attending and being my BM! i also have a bunch of thank yous to send to people who sent gifts but didnt come - we were pleasantly surprised by so many people!
I only send thank you to people that gave me a card/gift.... not because I don't appreciate the people that showed up but I usually use my cards to send people a thank you (I go through all the cards I got and send write out a thank you per card or gift).
We are sending them to everyone who attended but we had an out of state wedding, 1200 miles away, similar to a DW, and we know that many of those who came really put a LOT of money and time into just getting there. One group (they are related) of friends drove all the way from Texas to Iowa! Another friend of the family is a student and out of work and she spent pretty much every penny she had to buy plane tickets to come.
In our situation if we only sent cards to those who gave a gift it would be exactly two. My mom gave us a gift after the wedding and an online friend who helped with planning (but couldn't attend) left a small gift at the church for us.
So in our case, our TY notes are photo cards that say "Thank you for sharing our day".
I agree with FutureKMM that there are elements of the day intended to thank guests for coming. I would be touched to receive a thank-you for attending only, but I would never, ever expect to receive one.
I am sending to everyone who attended because my FILs are VERY conservative, and it is mandatory. FMIL said it was okay to not send to the college students of the aunts and uncles like with the invites, but to make sure everyone was included on the card. She also told me in their family if you dont, even if they didnt send you a gift now, they sometimes wait til the one year Aniversery (something about a tradition their mom did, nothing againct me.. lol... I hope.) but if they dont get a thank you some of them will never give you a gift again. VERY strict rules.
On a side note they are also very stict about RSPVs so I know I wont have to track anyone down!! lol... no RSVP by date required, no seat. Their rules come in handy sometimes.
Most i feel like just send thank yous to those who brought a card or a gift.
I'm having a local wedding and still sending thank you's to everyone who attended. If someone doesn't bring a gift for the wedding, I'm sure it's for a good reason (money is tight for a lot of people these days), but at the very least I can thank them for spending so much of their day with us and being there on our special day.
Alas, I attended a wedding last year where I had to pay about $550 for an airplane ticket. I didn't bring a gift to the wedding because I had bought a nice shower gift and after paying for the plane ticket and moving in the same month, I was pretty tapped out. I never got a thank you, and wasn't expecting one. But thinking back on it, it would have been nice to receive a note at least showing apprecaite for the distance and money I paid to travel to the wedding.
I love Emily Post & really appreciate her guidelines on all things etiqutte, but especially when it comes to writing thank you notes:
http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/671-inside-weddings-expressing-gratitude
The people who sell you the thank-you photocards hope you will send thank-you notes to everyone who sent a gift, to everyone who attended the wedding, to all your vendors and their individual employees, your grade-school teachers, the grocery store clerk who said "that's a pretty engagement ring", and all members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Etiquette doesn't require it, but they have children to put through college and the more you buy, the more goes into the college fund.
Etiquette requires that you send a thank-you note to anyone who sends (or brings) a gift, preferably written in black ink on heavy white paper, preferably on the same day that you received the gift. Etiquette also requires that everyone who attends the wedding, whether or not they sent (or brought) a gift, writes a note of thanks to their hostess on the morning after the hostess has provided any substantive entertainment, such as dinner or dancing.
This doesn't prevent a hostess from sending notes to her guests, if she chooses. Social correspondence is a pleasant old-fashioned custom. And you may if you choose help your photo-card vendor put his children through college by using photo-cards for such notes. But if you decide to do other things with your time and money, etiquette will not dispute your choice.
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A question of etiquette that arose from a discussion with a friend:
Do you send thank you cards to everyone who attended your wedding, or only to those who gave you a card / gift? I know it's not common for people to attend a wedding and not give a card and/or gift, but we know someone who did and ended up discussing whether that person would receive a thank you note... for us I'm not sure I would have thought of it, since our thank you card list was based on our cards / gifts received, not who attended. Maybe that was wrong of me!