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Do you think it's common in your social circle for folks to give wedding gifts after the wedding? I know people are saying folks have up to a year and all. But in my circle I don't think that's really ever happened. Everyone pretty much brings the gift to the reception. That's it. If you're like me, then I would say go ahead and send out thank yous to everyone.
However, if you think it's likely that some folks are going to be trickling in some gifts after the fact, then I would hold off. And wait maybe 2 months to send that thank you. You don't want to be bothered sending two thank yous. And you don't want people who believe it's well within proper etiquette to gift after the wedding, to potentially get upset. (Like you felt they didn't get their gift in on time.)
I'm of the opinion that thank you notes are for gifts. The reception was the thank you for celebrating with you. You fed them, and gave them drinks and entertainment. You thanked them in person for their attendance. To me, it would seem like a reminder that they didn't send a gift if you just sent a "thanks for coming!"
I agree with johnsbride09. The thank you card is for a gift the thank you for coming is the reception.
In the words of the soup nazi "NO CARD FOR YOU!"
I agree with Tanya to wait a couple of months (weddings I've been to, it is really uncommon for people to bring gifts to the reception, most people just have them shipped straight from the store).
After two months, I would send cards, even to those people who did not send a gift. Particularly people who traveled from out of town (and spent money on plane tickets, rental cards, hotel rooms, a new tie, etc) have spent a lot of money and taken time out of their lives (happily) to celebrate with you. Why not tell them how much you appreciated them being there? And really...how long does it take to write a thank you note--all of five minutes if you just sit down and do it. And the extra bonus--if you are simply thanking people for attending, all you can write the same thing to all of them (instead of personalizing them for the gift)!
Props on being gracious! I'm planning on sending Thank Yous to ALL guests who attend, regardless of if they bring a gift or not. In this economy, I know a lot of people are making a huge sacrifice by coming to our wedding!
I was wondering this too, but if they didn't sign the guestbook or leave a gift, how would you know who all was there?
LOL stlgingko - "No card for you!" I appreciate everyone's advice to maybe wait a little bit longer to see if we still get a few gifts. I mean, I actually did get two gifts this week from people who were not able to attend the wedding, and maybe more will come in.
Laylabelle, good question on knowing who was there -- we have been using weddingmapper to track our gifts/thank you cards (it's a pretty good way in my opinion) and that's helped us to ID who was there and who did not give gifts. Even though we wish we got to spend more time with people we were at the very least able to say a quick hello to everyone who came. I am thinking mostly of people who we are pretty close to who we were very surprised that we did not receive a gift.
I guess I am in a rush to get out my thank yous because my best friend let her thank you notes become this big thing and she literally never sent them out! But we are a bit different that way, and anyway, I'm going to give it more time -- I can send out thank yous to the people who gave the gifts, of course...and I'll wait a couple of months to send out thank yous to people who came but did not bring gifts. I agree that we gave them ENOUGH with our reception (it was nice, y'all!) but I also want to acknowledge that they travelled a few hours to be with us -- and avoid any misunderstandings, like, for example -- what if they did give a gift but somehow it didn't get to us? Or what if they just forgot? If they never get a thank you they'll probably just assume I'm a lazy procrastinator, LOL.
Since I was planning on creating Thank You notes from our wedding photos, I plan on writing them to everyone; regardless if they give us a gift or not. That's a great time to thank them for attending to share your special day!
I too think it would be a nice gesture to give a thank you note to people who came even if they did not give you a gift, especially those that came from out of town. I think it's a good idea to wait a bit longer to send out those thank you's as the guests may be a little late in sending out your gift if that is what they were planning on doing.
Etiquette does not require that you send "thank you" cards to non-gift givers. For now, stick with sending "thank yous" to those who gave you a gift or card.
Since we don't know their situation (whether financial or other), I would give the non-gift givers some extra time. Most couples continue to receive gifts for a few months following the wedding.
I think it would be polite to send a 'thank you for coming' thank you card even though you don't have to. And it will remind them that you still haven't received a gift - it's worked on me before!
I was actually upset once when I attended my friends wedding and didn't receive a 'thank you for coming' thank you card. I bought her a shower gift and spent a ton of money on travel and hotel. I wasn't a bridesmaid or super close to her so I wasn't about to send her a second gift and you don't have to. It's kind of like I was excluded from getting a card just becasue I didn't pony up for a second gift which stinks.
I've never heard of a thank you for coming card. Is that regional or.... am I just uninformed? Sounds nice though.
i would say notes to everyone. even if there wasn't a gift, they did take the effort to attend.
it would seem petty, from my POV, not to offer a card. (granted, i wasn't aware that no gift = no card)
thank you card to everyone! why not? :-)
i know its not the same thing as the big day, but for our engagment party we sent out thank yous to everyone who came (gifts or not) - not everyone can afford gifts right now (what if a gift was lost in the shuffle?) and we wanted to thank people who took the time to celebrate with us. time is money! :) we'll do the same for our wedding.
Whatever you decide, it will be fine - all the above advice sounds good. Best of luck!
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So here we are two weeks since the wedding (yay!!!) and still no gifts from MANY people. I am going to start sending out my thank you cards and I was wondering -- should I send thank you cards even to people who didn't send gifts? Like, thank you for attending, joining us, your presence was appreciated, etc? I figure why not...and then maybe...maybe...I know it's sneaky, but maybe they will be reminded they didn't give us a gift, if they forgot or something. Don't think I'm evil! For example, my best friend and maid of honor did not buy us a gift, or pay me back for her bridesmaid dress and trust me, she has the money. I know weddings can be a busy time so maybe she just forgot.
Anyway, regardless of my little sneaky desire to maybe remind people who forgot to give gifts, seriously, does the hive think I should send thank you's to everyone?