Post # 1
I’ve been reading the ettiquette about whether to send a thank you card to guests that did not give a gift at the wedding and I personally have no intention to send a card to those who did not give a gift. The $60 meal and their favors were thanks enough.
But here’s my dilemma. My MOH and her husband did not give us a gift. I’m disappointed but not completely surprised (she has financial hardship all the time- which is why I paid for everything- her dress, shoes, purse, hair). What do I do in this situation? I feel wrong not sending her something since she did stand up there with me as my MOH but do I address it to her and her husband, or just her? Is it a thanks for attending or a thanks for being my MOH?
Plus I don’t want to make her feel bad that she didn’t give a gift but I also don’t want to be a jerk and send her nothing…How do I write it (if I send one at all)?
Post # 3
I would thank her for being your MOH, maybe she lives locally and you can just give her something or take her out to dinner as thanks instead of a card? If not, I would probably just send a card telling her thanks for being there for you on your special day.
Post # 4
Thank them both- for being by your side and for his attending.
SInce you paid for all of her stuff and knew they are on hard times, why wouldn’t you thank them for being there? It isn’t all about gifts afterall, which I’m sure you know but thank you notes are not just for material things.
Technically, guests have up to a year to send you a gift. And frankly, no one is actually obligated to give you one at all. Just my 2 cents.
Post # 5
No- I did want to send her something- my concern was how do I write it. I know Miss Manners says that it can sound like an elicit for gifts… and I want to avoid that. I don’t expect a gift from her…I like the idea of sending it and saying thanks to her for standing by my side.. .and maybe a thanks to her husband for letting me steal his wife all those times?
Now my Uncle who claims he’s so rich is just a jackass for not giving a gift…
Post # 6
@silleegyrl: I think that sounds great. As long as you focus on how much it means to you that she stood up with you and how much you appreciate everything that she did for you leading up to your wedding it will not sound like you’re looking for a present at all.
If you want to send a thank you to her separately I think that feels even more like a MOH thank you gift/card. I would then send her husband his own note thanking him for “letting you steal his wife”. 🙂
Basically, I would focus on all the things she/he did leading up to the wedding and the day of. It’s not a “thanks for coming” thank you card because you’re outlining what they did specifically to support you (just to remove that bit of controversy).
Post # 7
I agree – thank her for whatever she did as maid of honour, and send wishes to her husband too.
Post # 8
I think you’ll find that Miss Manners has nothing, WHATSOEVER, against people carrying on polite handwritten social correspondence. Her objection to brides’ sending thank-you letters for nothing is when the note is impersonal and obligatory, or when guests (who should have written their own bread-and-butter letter of thanks but didn’t because they didn’t know any better) get all huffy because they didn’t even get a thank-you “card”.
Send a sincere personal note, mentioning the things that you will remember about the day and the way her presence made it special. Tell her you appreciate that it isn’t easy for people to reschedule their lives, especially when they have other urgent concerns. Mention a joke you shared during the day, or some hopes about time you might spend together in the future. Feel free to avoid the word “Thank-you” if you wish. I would, simply because it makes the note seem a little perfunctory. But when I was a girl, my girlfriends and I wrote notes to one another nearly every week if we didn’t see each other that week — which, admittedly, was usually when we were living in different countries. We wrote in our letters about the kinds of things we would have talked about over tea if we’d met. Think of it as the pre-electronic version of a blog entry. That’s the kind of note you need to write.
Or, if you prefer, you could just take her out for coffee to revisit the highlights of the wedding and say the same things in person, which might be even more special than a note.
Post # 9
We had some people who didn’t give gifts. We just sent them a thank you thanking them for being apart of our special day, and any special way in which they helped out.
Post # 10
I sent TY notes to everyone who attended the wedding, gift or not. If they didn’t give a gift, I thanked them for being there and supporting us on our special day. I also tried to say something personal to each one like “Congrats on your promotion, or See you in a few weeks” or something.