Thank you cards – when to send

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

Generally you should send a TY card as soon as you have received a gift, so I groan when someone says they are waiting for pro pics first. Can you talk to your photog and get them to edit ONE photo for you to put in the card like, within a few days? 

Post # 3
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

I also wanted to add that your coworker is wrong. Guests have a year to send a gift. TY cards do not have that much time, but there isn’t really a difinitive cutoff. Your sister is closer to the truth. 2 months sounds okay, 3+ sounds like way too much.

Post # 4
Member
2885 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Just get them done.   Don’t wait for the pro pics, as they will likely just hold you up. 

Post # 5
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

audrey_lane:  I sent mine out right after my wedding for all of the guests that attended.  If we got a gift from someone that had a “no” RSVP, I sent the card out as soon as we received the gift.  Not sure what the actual rules of etiquette are, but I didn’t want to wait to get them done.

Post # 6
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

 

gingerkitten:  So… what’s the lowdown on Thank You cards for people who attended but didn’t give a gift or card? I know I know, I sound terrible. But I’m with the OP on this; I will get all kinds of confused if I start sending thank you’s as gifts come in and then have to send cards to everyone who didn’t send a gift… but then send a late gift… I’m disorganized enough as it is!!

Post # 7
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

prahajess:  You don’t send someone a thank-you card simply for attending (unless this is what your family does, but I don’t know anybody who does this).

ETA: You also don’t need to say TY for just a card. If it had a check in it- definitely send a TY.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  gingerkitten.
Post # 10
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

audrey_lane:  With what your family expects, sending them in July ought to be just fine, especially if you had a ton of people.

Post # 11
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

If you have to send a thank you for people just attending, then I guess you have to do two thank you notes – one now, and another after you get the gift. Typically people don’t send thank you cards when you don’t get a gift, but it’s how things roll in your family, this is the only acceptable way I see it. 

I had two young girls come to my wedding, sisters. (Young as in 17 or so) and I got a gift from one and not the other. Since they both lived at home, I sent a thank you to both – one thanking sister A for the gift, and another thanking sister B for coming. (Didn’t want Sister B to feel bad, or for their mother to get upset) A week later I found a card in the mailbox from Sister B with a giftcard inside. I sent another thank you card right away, thanking for the gift.

So I sent two in that case and I didn’t feel weird about it.

Post # 12
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

audrey_lane:  I had all of my thank yous done within 36 hours and mailed before our honeymoon. They don’t take too long to do, so if you have the mindset that it is something that needs to get done ASAP, it will get done. If you wait for pro pics, any sense of urgency will be gone and it will become like cleaning your closet– something that you keep postponing.

I would say that you typically have 6 weeks and it to be okay, but really 4 is expected in my circle. We took a 3 week honeymoon and I figured that the stress of going back to work would leave me drained and not wanting to do thank yous, so I wrote and hubby packed (he did write 3).

 

ETA: Mine were personalized, but no one compares them. So all of the ones for money were very, very similar. 3 lines were the same and 1 line was unique. 

We did not send out thank yous for those without a gift. We had about 15 of the guest households come without a gift. Three were wedding party and got a thank you note for that. 5 of the gifts tricked in over the year. The other 7 weren’t thanked, but I kind of feel it was unnecessary (it was a local wedding where they got a plus one, and open bar). What do you write “thanks for attending?”? It seems like a plea for gifts. I told hubby he could write them (they were on his side) and 11 months later he hasn’t started.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Pollywog.
Post # 15
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

audrey_lane:  so here are my thoughts …

1) TY cards should be done sooner than later, and I don’t think you have a year.  Maybe 8-10 weeks ~ you’re newlyweds!  You should get a little time to yourselves to enjoy after all that planning.  I personally always give the couple a little grace period expecting them to enjoy themselves.

2) If the couples TY cards include a pro pic I understand that this is the reason it likely took them a bit longer to get them out (though admittedly I was likely a little annoyed leading up to receiving the card that I felt they were a little tardy)

3) I know what you mean with sending TY for attendance and then a gift may come later (may not), but if you’re anticipating this (as we are experiencing now) this is our approach:

-we did get custom TY cards made (not with photo) – expecting them this week.  Plan on having them done within the week, which puts us at about 3.5-4 weeks post wedding.  We opted to not send out TYs prior to the wedding to the few gifts that trickled in, as we wanted to send them the custom cards, and gifts only started to arrive ~2 weeks before the wedding and there was just so much going on, we chose to do them all post wedding.

-for the guests that attended but did not bring a gift ~ some we are not expecting anything from (and that’s okay!), but the ones that have mentioned they are sending something or dropping it by we will hold off on those few cards for the end.  I think sending two cards – 1 for attending and then one for the gift seems kinda silly to me, but everyone that didn’t bring a gift, we will still send card for attending.

I don’t know why people wouldn’t send a card for just attending.  The object of the wedding is not to receive gifts, so a TY should be sent for attendance ~ and the gift was just the icing on the cake!

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