thank you etiquette question…?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3351 posts
Sugar bee

Not sure of the “proper” etiquette, but I think it would be nice to receive a thank you for coming to celebrate your day 🙂 

Post # 3
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

a lot of people will say that sending a thank you just for attending will seem like you’re fishing for a gift and/or that it’s not necessary to thank someone just for showing up.

i sent thank you’s to everyone whether they brought a gift/card or not. everyone who was invited to my wedding was invited because, above all else, we wanted them with us on our special day- gifts were a bonus.

ultimately, i think it’s really up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

 ClaudiaKishi:  i just want to say i love your screen name! i used to love the baby sitter’s club and claudia was my favorite, lol. i’ve been watching the series on netflix and reliving my adolescence, haha

Post # 4
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think it’s necessary for you to send a thank you for a card.  Do they then send a thank you card for your thank you card?  It just seems silly!

Post # 5
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

The neverending cycle of thank you cards!  I think the etiquette blog EtiquetteHell covered this a while back – you may want to check it out.  I don’t think it’s necessary to send a thank you card just for receiving a card.  I’m planning on thanking everyone personally at my reception and then sending cards out to those who bring gifts.

Post # 6
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

meowmeow071914:  the minimum requirement is that you write thank Yous to the people who got you gifts (for sure)

It is the next level of graciousness to write a note to everyone just to thank them for celebrating wih you- totally not required but totally lovely. 

ETA see that I misread your question- I think you could still thank the people who brought you cards (bc obvi those folks love a good card haha) but you don’t “have” to. 

Post # 7
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

No, it is not correct etiquette to send a thank you note for a card. Thank you notes are for gifts only. Sending a thank you just for attending can be construed as fishing for a gift. 

Post # 8
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

the reception is your thank you to them.  so you do not need to send thank you notes for those that just attended or gave you cards.

Post # 9
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

They should be sending you a thank you note for your generous hospitality.

Thank you notes are for gifts.  If you thank them for their card, then they must reply and thank you for your card, and so on and so forth in perpetuity.

 

Post # 10
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Honestly, regardless of Miss Manners stats it really depends on the people.  My mom threw a “Jack and Jill”  my uncle and idiot cousin showed up, said hi, ate the food and left.  I knew that they really don’t care about the TY, but my grandmother would want me to.  Not expect, but it’d make her happy.  My great aunt came, but didn’t have money to give anything.  I sent her a TY, as she is a bit frail and her comming was gift enough.

 

IMO you thank people for their presance in celebrating something for you. That is a gift.

Post # 11
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

andielovesj:  Seriously?  What a backwards, egotistical way of thinking.  They used their time to come to your special party.  Their presance there is more than enough to warrent a quick Thank you note, and no they won’t need to send one back.  Thank you is because someone extended themselves beyond what was untimatly necessary. 

Granted, if someone held a gun to their head and forced them to attend, they prbably don’t deserve a thank you.

Post # 12
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

meowmeow071914:  i would just send a thank you saying something like ‘thank you for being a part of our day, it wouldn’t have been the same without you” and to the people who gave a gift ‘i would say the same thing as above plus ‘and we are so grateful for your thoughtful gift. it was very much appreciated’

Post # 13
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

searock:  I actually think andielovesj had a point. When someone invites me over for dinner or a celebration, I always call or send a message to the host the next day thanking them for inviting me and let them know I had a wonderful time. When I go to a wedding, I give a gift – this is my thank you, so I don’t call the next day (plus it would be insane for the bride and groom if every guest called them with a thank you). 

I don’t really think of it as “I used my time to come to your event so now I’m entitled”… if anything, THAT is a backwards way of thinking.

OP: You do not have to send a thank you note to those who attended with no gift unless you want to. Ettiquette does not require you to.

Post # 14
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

i also wanted to add that for guests who attended my wedding and didn’t bring a gift (which is fine-no one is obligated to bring one) – i still sent a thank you to them to thank them for being a part of our day. 

Post # 15
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

MrsCallalily:  Errmm um no.  This wasn’t a dinner party with a hosetess, this was a planned event where a family was inviting friends to come celebrate a new couple.

It’s totally different.  A dinner party is about the being invited to share a meal out of the graceiousness of the hostess.  A reception is an event in which they were invited for a specific purpouse.  So a person and their SO could be shown off.  If Auntie Marge had a 100th birthday party and requested no gifts, paid for lavish food and “only” got cards, then you want people to write HER TY’s?

No one is entitled to a thank you.  They are a sign of appreciation.  I suppose if someone wanted to write a TY for going to a reception or being invited to some other party they could, but it’s not traditional.  The fact is that others used their time for the sole purpose of celebrating you.  Not for dinner, not for food, not because of a cute puppy.  There’s a huge difference.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors