Post # 1
Question about thank you’s!
We got married and had a reception in my home state on July 19th (and we got all those thank you’s done!!); we had a 2nd reception this past weekend (Aug. 16th) hosted by my inlaws where DH and I currently live (it was mainly for my in-laws’ friends, extended family, colleagues & some friends of DH’s and mine)
The invites for this reception the inlaws sent out specifically said no gifts… hey, we are totally fine with that…but naturally some people did not get the memo… and we are very thankful for those who did bring gifts…so obviously we will be sending them thank you’s…
Many people did bring JUST CARDS… so my etiquette question is do we send them a thank you for the card…? And do we send thank you’s to guests who just attended the reception (no gift/card)?
I am obviously more than willing to write out the thank you’s for everyone… but I just was not sure if it was weird to send thank you’s for guests who simply attended?
so.. what do we do? 🙂
Post # 2
Not sure of the “proper” etiquette, but I think it would be nice to receive a thank you for coming to celebrate your day 🙂
Post # 3
a lot of people will say that sending a thank you just for attending will seem like you’re fishing for a gift and/or that it’s not necessary to thank someone just for showing up.
i sent thank you’s to everyone whether they brought a gift/card or not. everyone who was invited to my wedding was invited because, above all else, we wanted them with us on our special day- gifts were a bonus.
ultimately, i think it’s really up to you and what you feel comfortable with.
ClaudiaKishi: i just want to say i love your screen name! i used to love the baby sitter’s club and claudia was my favorite, lol. i’ve been watching the series on netflix and reliving my adolescence, haha
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s necessary for you to send a thank you for a card. Do they then send a thank you card for your thank you card? It just seems silly!
Post # 5
The neverending cycle of thank you cards! I think the etiquette blog EtiquetteHell covered this a while back – you may want to check it out. I don’t think it’s necessary to send a thank you card just for receiving a card. I’m planning on thanking everyone personally at my reception and then sending cards out to those who bring gifts.
Post # 6
meowmeow071914: the minimum requirement is that you write thank Yous to the people who got you gifts (for sure)
It is the next level of graciousness to write a note to everyone just to thank them for celebrating wih you- totally not required but totally lovely.
ETA see that I misread your question- I think you could still thank the people who brought you cards (bc obvi those folks love a good card haha) but you don’t “have” to.
Post # 7
No, it is not correct etiquette to send a thank you note for a card. Thank you notes are for gifts only. Sending a thank you just for attending can be construed as fishing for a gift.
Post # 8
the reception is your thank you to them. so you do not need to send thank you notes for those that just attended or gave you cards.
Post # 9
They should be sending you a thank you note for your generous hospitality.
Thank you notes are for gifts. If you thank them for their card, then they must reply and thank you for your card, and so on and so forth in perpetuity.
Post # 10
Honestly, regardless of Miss Manners stats it really depends on the people. My mom threw a “Jack and Jill” my uncle and idiot cousin showed up, said hi, ate the food and left. I knew that they really don’t care about the TY, but my grandmother would want me to. Not expect, but it’d make her happy. My great aunt came, but didn’t have money to give anything. I sent her a TY, as she is a bit frail and her comming was gift enough.
IMO you thank people for their presance in celebrating something for you. That is a gift.
Post # 11
andielovesj: Seriously? What a backwards, egotistical way of thinking. They used their time to come to your special party. Their presance there is more than enough to warrent a quick Thank you note, and no they won’t need to send one back. Thank you is because someone extended themselves beyond what was untimatly necessary.
Granted, if someone held a gun to their head and forced them to attend, they prbably don’t deserve a thank you.
Post # 12
meowmeow071914: i would just send a thank you saying something like ‘thank you for being a part of our day, it wouldn’t have been the same without you” and to the people who gave a gift ‘i would say the same thing as above plus ‘and we are so grateful for your thoughtful gift. it was very much appreciated’
Post # 13
searock: I actually think andielovesj had a point. When someone invites me over for dinner or a celebration, I always call or send a message to the host the next day thanking them for inviting me and let them know I had a wonderful time. When I go to a wedding, I give a gift – this is my thank you, so I don’t call the next day (plus it would be insane for the bride and groom if every guest called them with a thank you).
I don’t really think of it as “I used my time to come to your event so now I’m entitled”… if anything, THAT is a backwards way of thinking.
OP: You do not have to send a thank you note to those who attended with no gift unless you want to. Ettiquette does not require you to.
Post # 14
i also wanted to add that for guests who attended my wedding and didn’t bring a gift (which is fine-no one is obligated to bring one) – i still sent a thank you to them to thank them for being a part of our day.
Post # 15
MrsCallalily: Errmm um no. This wasn’t a dinner party with a hosetess, this was a planned event where a family was inviting friends to come celebrate a new couple.
It’s totally different. A dinner party is about the being invited to share a meal out of the graceiousness of the hostess. A reception is an event in which they were invited for a specific purpouse. So a person and their SO could be shown off. If Auntie Marge had a 100th birthday party and requested no gifts, paid for lavish food and “only” got cards, then you want people to write HER TY’s?
No one is entitled to a thank you. They are a sign of appreciation. I suppose if someone wanted to write a TY for going to a reception or being invited to some other party they could, but it’s not traditional. The fact is that others used their time for the sole purpose of celebrating you. Not for dinner, not for food, not because of a cute puppy. There’s a huge difference.