(Closed) Thank you! Etiquette question.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did / Will you send out thank you cards to everyone?
    I sent/will send out Thank You cards to everyone who attended my wedding. : (24 votes)
    41 %
    I only gave Thank You cards to those who gave us a wedding gift. : (35 votes)
    59 %
    I didn't send out Thank You cards. : (0 votes)
    Other. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    7653 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Just the people who give gifts. I would think tracking everyone who came to the wedding would be difficult because some people don’t sign the guestbook. Plus you would have to think of those who came to the reception but not the wedding and what not.

    I just sent to anyone who gave a gift.

    Post # 5
    2605 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @JoJoDahling:  Proper etiquette is that you only send thank you’s to people who gave you a gift. 

    Your reception is the “thank you” for attending your wedding.  Sending a thank you for that would be like sending someone a thank you for coming to dinner or a party at your house.

    The thank you is for the gift they gave you.  No gift means no reason to send a thank you.  In fact, some might interpret a thank you for attending the reception as a prompt or dig about the fact that they didn’t give you a gift. 

    Post # 6
    5200 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think everyone should receive a thank you card. After all they didn’t just roll out of bed and attend your wedding in their own kitchen. There was some effort on their part to celebrate with you. Gifts are optional. 

    Post # 7
    3574 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Totally disagree.  I had people fly to my wedding, but only give a card & no gift inside.  OF COURSE i sent them a thank for you coming to celebrate with me.  Everyone should get a thank you, not just those who gave you a gift. 

    Post # 8
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I sent thank you cards to everyone who gave gifts or cards, even if the card only had well-wishes. I also sent a thank you to anyone who attended and had to travel a significant distance to be there, regardless if they gifted or not. A simple, “Thank you so much for travelling to be with us on our special day, it meant the world to have you there,” should suffice (if they gave a gift, also mention a thank you for that as well).

    Post # 9
    7653 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Oh yes I forgot. I gave to those who gave a card and no gift though. Cards count as gifts to me 🙂

    Post # 10
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Only to people who give gifts. Otherwise it might seem like gift-fishing (because how do you word thanks for… your presence?) and it’s just extra work for you! 

    ETA: I noticed some PPs mentioned thanking guests who travel. I agree with that, gift or not. 

    Post # 11
    838 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2008

    You send people who gave gifts a thank you. I hand addressed 300 STD cards, 300 invites… you’re crazy if you think I’m writing 300 thank you notes. I wouldn’t even know who showed up

    Post # 12
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I had a Destination Wedding so I sent one to everyone who came + people who gave gifts and didn’t come.

    Post # 13
    7193 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @JoJoDahling:  I was curious about this too!

    From the responses looks like we’ll be sending thank yous to people who we know traveled or gave us a card and/or a gift. I have no idea how we would track everyone who is actually there (we have 300 guests) so it would be a little weird to accidentally send someone a “thanks for coming” when they weren’t there!

    Post # 14
    8580 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    We are sending out cards to everyone who brings a gift, but we also consider a CARD [even if nothing in it] a gift.

    Post # 15
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    We decided to send to everyone. Including those who didn’t send a gift and of course those who sent a gift but didn’t make it to the day. Instead of having 2 separate types of cards, I kept the message simple Just “Thank You. Love, Mr. and Mrs. _________. March 30, 2013. I plan to write personal messages on the back thanking those who brought a gift.






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