Weddingbee boards

Ahhhh I was JUST about to post on my Emo thread a big thank you to all of you! I decided to close the thread like an hour ago so because I thought it died. For anyone I didnt reply to, please PM me and I will be happy to say thanks personally for your great advice, or reply to any more questions!

To the Mods, thanks for your speedy work!

I think I have enough to move forward with what I want to do. I expect a BIG talk today with my SO. I promise to honor all the advice you ladies have given me, and I appreciate your honesty, bluntness, and critques.

Sorry if you feel you didnt get your 2 cents in! again PM me if you wish!

Bella

I just got off the phone with my SO.

Alrighty I somehow have to input 2 hours with of convo in here, and I havent eaten dinner yet, so please bear with me?

Alright, where do I start? Well, I guess I start with my previous thread- yeah I showed it to him, even read everything out to him, and well THAT got a reaction.

There was alot of crying and upset on my side, and he had no idea that I felt the way I did to the level that I did. He totally took responsiblity, was horrified at the idea of being possibly emotionally abusive (he was really really upset by those comments, as in he couldnt believe he could come off that way, or be even close to being like that...i think because he knows that thats what my ex did). But He took the comments and rolled with it, and is determined to man up for his actions. 

He was remorseful, but not overly so (if it was overly, then I think the cry of emotional abuse would have been warrented, but I stand by what I said in the other post, that gets thrown around here WAY too often, and while I appreciate everyones viewpoint no matter what, I just wish (as a previous abuse survivor) people were a bit more accurate with it).

SO came to me with a plan actually and I improved upon it (what you have here)- these are the following aspects of it (again Im fitting in 2 hours here! I might miss something, so forgive me, trying hard to be accurate).

a) He will no longer intrude on decisions I can make for myself at ALL- aka the dress, aka other things he knows I can handle, even to just be sure, he will no longer do it because he has to allow himself to trust.

b) He will leave things up to me, and let me ask for his input on things, should they concern both of us, or either of us individually in a significant way (we also discussed the issue of what is MAJOR and what is not, in both our opinions, which alot of you advised me on-decided boundaries on those).

c) marriage talk is off the table, and wedding talk is off the table. Until we get this sorted, I told him to wait on all of that. He agreed. We also discussed the whole "hype" aspect of weddings, and how I will have to ground him on that from now on, and how he needs to be much more reasonable to understanding its just one day. Even though we only get to do it once, not EVERYTHING about the wedding is so important.

d) My forgiveness and us being together is tenative on his behaviour. We will continue our relationship, be good to each other, talk and communicate our worries and fears, and he will have to work on trusting me (and others) by Letting go and loosening up. If that doesnt happen, then we have to reassess everything again.

Im willing to make this work, as is he. Thats the important thing. He is willing to change, really wanting to change after that thread (I think you guys scared the bejebus out of him, probably a good thing?). But Im going to remain as objective as possible on his progress- like I said, if the work is put in on his side, Im willing to make it work too.

That said, I hope to put this issue to bed for today (cus lord knows Im exhausted of it). I will let you know how things go in the future tho. To the ladies who gave me advice, even the stuff that as a little intense, thank you- its all good, it really really is. To the people who PMed me with their stories and experiences on the post, I thank you for sharing all those feelings and thoughts with me, and helping come to  a resolution with my SO that is far healthier and better for the both of us.

As far as wedding stuff, its the last thing on my mind. I will be on WB now just to keep track of you ladies, and rejoice in all the good news you all are sure to have! And my night chats of course. My blog will also remain, but I think Im going to talk more about relationships in general instead of marriage (Im taking that aspect of the plan very seriously).

I adore you all, and trust in me that I hope for a healthier and much happier day tomorow.

Take care.

((hugs)) i am so happy that you guys were able to reach a happy medium!!!!

@nqz100: You and me both! Now we shall refocus and regroup! thats the plan :)

@MrsStrawberry24: you and me both :) thank you

Thank you all for your well wishes :)

@Mrs.tobe: *hugs* thanks love

@MrsCoachBtoBee: bucketloads! boatloads even. I think also he has reaffirmed that my faith in him wasnt misplaced you know? I thought he would eventually get it and he did, and we worked it out. Hes going to work hard on this (I can tell, hes taking to the plan like a fish to water, though I think he still wants to propose later this summer somehow when we are in a better place. I understand that, we were both looking forward to it).

In some ways Im disappointed (proposal) and in others Im relieved. Im just glad the air is so clear now, and we are on better footing. Our relationship is more important than a wedding or a ring or anything like that. I think that shows my head is on straight! (I hope)

but yeah, I think Im just still a bit raw emotionally and my nerves are frayed. Im good with my SO, but I think some of the replies to my original thread got under my skin *sigh* such is life, as one PP said.