Post # 1
Okay – so my FI and I are having a disagreement about thank you notes and I’d love to get the Bees opinion. He really wanted to get some sort of picture with us in dress and tux holding up “Thank You” signs to put on our thank you notes for after the wedding. I love the idea and was totally for it!
But then I told him we needed to get some sort of thank you note to send to people who mail us presents beforehand (we just got the first one from our Best Man last week). He flipped and thought it was silly to mail any of them until after the wedding and about how he’s never gotten a thank you for a present he mailed until afterword. He then proceeded to say that if not everyone would get the card with the picture then we just shouldn’t even do them.
Trying to compromise, I said we could send thank yous to people beforehand and send the photo thank you afterwords to everyone. Then we could thank the people who sent gifts (who’d already gotten a card for the gift itself) for joining us on our special day, how much we enjoyed celebrating with them, etc. He also thought this was silly and insisted we not do that!
Basically, I think we should be sending thank yous as we receive gifts and he thinks we should just wait and send all thank yous after the wedding. Who’s right here? What should we do?
Post # 3
You are correct. If you receive a wedding present before the wedding, you mail out the thank you card before the wedding.
Post # 4
You should send Thank You’s as you receive gifts. One, it lets the gifter know you received their present, and two it is less work after the wedding! Sending a second Thank You after the wedding is just a nice gesture to let them know you enjoyed their presence. I vote for a compromise 🙂
Post # 5
Yep, you mail ’em as you get ’em.
Post # 6
I think the bigger picture is that you thank people for your gift. It would be ideal to send the thank you as you receive the gift, but I think it’s also fine if you wait (especially since your FI is flipping out about it).
If you think you can get thank you’s out in a timely wedding post-wedding, just go with the cute thank you card idea (post-wedding) and leave it at that. I’d vote for a no-argument on something that most people will really not hold you to. (ie: It’s not like you won’t send a thank you.)
Post # 7
Really? I’m surprised by the answers to this! Initially, I assumed we’d send out thank yous as the gifts arrive, but we fell in love with the picture thank yous with the bride and groom holding signs, so we’re planning on sending them all out after the wedding. I’ve gotten thank yous after the wedding before, and never thought anything of it. Especially now that I buy most gifts online and get a helpful email from Macy’s or Crate and Barrel assuring me the package was delivered and not lost in the mail. But if a lot of people are saying they would be offended by this, maybe I need to rethink our strategy? The two card idea is nice, but for 150+ guests, all those stamps really do add up…
I hope more people chime in on this.
Post # 8
I think it depends on how far out the gifts arrive. If it’s only a month before hand… I’d wait. I don’t think anyone will be offended. Just make sure to prioritize those people when you do start sending them out!
Post # 9
The only present we’ve gotten so far is from our Best Man and I know he won’t mind not getting an actual note until after the wedding (we did call him when the package arrived). Friends I know won’t mind – it’s more the family and adult family friends that I’m concerned will find it rude.
We have started an Excel sheet with Name, Present, and Date Received so I can make sure that the presents we get pre-wedding are the first thank you notes we write and mail.
@ChiCat – I know! We’re expecting around 180 guests so it starts to add up fast. But I don’t want to upset my FI nor do I want to offend anyone. And I really do love the cute picture thank you note idea!
Post # 10
If you get the gifts SUPER far in advance, write the thank you now. But we didn’t receive wedding gifts until 2 or 3 weeks before the wedding. I wrote them out afterwards, with everyone elses. I had mine down in a week.
Post # 11
You’re “supposed” to send them as received, and I think you had a great compromise of sending the official photo card to EVERYone after.
Post # 12
I think you should send out the thank you’s as you get the gifts (way less stressful and less of a project that way as well) but if your FH is really wanting to do that and it is one of the wedding elements that seems important to him maybe let him “win” this one 🙂 I mean it isn’t as if you won’t send thank you’s at all, ya know? talk with him and see what he thinks 🙂
Post # 13
We had thank you notes printed with our engagement picture for gifts received before the wedding and then thank you notes with our wedding picture for gifts received at or after the wedding. I think it helps to write them as you go along so nobody is inadventantly forgotten.
Post # 14
@ChiCat -I also just noticed … We’re date twins!
Post # 15
Etiquette says that you should acknowledge presents received before the wedding with a thank you card as they are received.
As a gift sender, if I didn’t get a thank you, or some acknowledgement, I would wonder if the gift ever made it!
Post # 16
I voted that it was okay to wait, because those thank you cards are really cute.
But . . . my friends were planning on doing this and ran into a “tiny” issue with their photographer, who disappeared for 2 months (no phone call, email, nothing), so their thank yous went out really late. They still waited for the customized ones because they wanted people to realize there was a reason they were so late (and I figure a photo of the couple on their wedding day as the thank you is as good an indication as any!).