Post # 1
We had our back-home reception in late August. We deposited the checks less than a week after the reception, and are now in the process of writing the thank you cards. I just found out today that one of the checks bounced. I have no idea if they get a notice from their bank, but we sure as hell did (in addition to a fee, which I got them to remove).
This check is from someone that neither FI or I are very close with and do not have their phone number. FI does not want to tell his mom. (They are from his side of the family)
We are almost done with the thank you notes. Do we write them a thank you note? Do we mention the bounced check or do we ignore it and pretend the card was written before we found out the cehck bounced?
Post # 3
I would still send a thank you note & act like it never happened unless they bring it up.
Post # 4
@Rock Hugger: I’d probably write it ASAP and date it like it was written before the bounce because I’d be afraid of embarrassing the person. (Nice of your bank to remove the fee. 🙂
Post # 6
@Rock Hugger: Their bank will charge them a fee for bouncing so they’ll definitely know it happened!
Post # 7
Why wouldn’t you tell them? That’s like giving an empty box as a gift. Does an empty box deserve a thank you? I would just let whoever invited them know that they sent a check but it bounced. If you don’t want to be confrontational, then don’t send them anything. But a thank you note for not giving you a gift seems ridiculous to me. If you really want to give them a thank you, then just thank them for attending, but don’t thank them for a non-existent gift.
Post # 8
I’m sorry but I respectfully disagree with the poster saying that you shouldn’t write th card for an ” empty box”. YES send a card like it never bounced. That must have been so embaressing for the gift givers- ESP if you aren’t close with them. Thank them like you have everyone else and they more than likely will contact YOU or his parents regarding a replacement check. If you bring it up you look selfish and like gift hogs. Just my opinion but I would hate to embarrass the couple even more!
And as a matter of fact yes. An empty box would get a thank you and then I would contact the store if sent directly from registry to fix the issue. And if was from their home not a store I’m certain they would contact you once ythey realized their mistake.
Post # 9
I agree with others in not telling them. I also like the idea of writting it asap and back dating it!
Post # 10
I would still thank them as if you didn’t know the check bounced.
Post # 11
If it’s been a while since this happened, how about writing them a note thanking them for coming and not mentioning the check? I understand the back dating, but the post mark will still be after the check bounced.
Post # 12
I’m sure they would be very embarrassed by that and do already know about it. If I were them, I’d contact you and let you know the check would be replaced and that I was very sorry. But some people will be too embarrassed to do that.
So I guess I’d write them a thank you note and say something along the lines of “Thank you so much for thinking of us on our wedding day and for your generosity. Unfortunately, the bank wasn’t able to honour your check. Please don’t put yourself in any hardship on our behalf. We truly appreciate the gesture and the thought behind it and are so happy you were able to share our wedding day with us.”
If that makes you uncomfortable, then your other option is to have MIL contact them in a courteous and tactful way. She can then let you know how the tone of the conversation went and the reason behind the bounced check and if they are able to replace it. (Maybe all that happened is they have direct debit billing set up and one of their bills was much higher this month than they expected and you just deposited your check a couple days too late.)
In any case, they still deserve a thank you for their good intentions and for showing up to support your marriage.
Post # 13
They know their check bounced because their bank charged them. I wouldn’t send a thank you because they should have contacted you to apologize because you got charged for their bounced checks- you were lucky the bank waived the fee, but they don’t know that. Sending a thank you to them 2 months after their check bounced would be weird…in my opinion.
Post # 14
I think you write a thank you note for their generosity and not mention the bounce at all.
Post # 15
I would send a Thank you note anyways. like it never happened. Something could have happened to them that they did not expect, and at least they tried to give you a gift. If I were the person who sent the bounced check, I would feel awful, and I would definately appreciate the couple sending me a card. Maybe it will spur them to send you a check that won’t bounce
Had it been the case that someone had literally given you an empty box, send them an empty thank you card.
Post # 16
I would not send a thank you note. Not because I didn’t appreciate them coming, but because it would just draw attention to the awkwardness, because they would certainly know the check bounced. I think a thank you note for coming (with no mention of the gift) actually draws attention to the lack of gift.